Am I the only one who....?
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| Thu, 10-26-2006 - 9:49pm |
doesn't like to pleasure myself completely? To be honest, I never had an orgasm, or if I did, I don't know what it feels like. I was 25 when I lost my virginity, plus my boyfriend at the time had no patience. The relationship ended in 3 months for different reasons. Since then, I've had 2 friends with benefits (I knew them first, I'm not one of those who sleep with strangers). One FWB didn't last long and I still keep in touch with the other, but he lives far, so I never see him. I have no idea what it's like to have an orgasm.
I went on a 2 dates with this guy, got along great, also spoke on the phone. To make a long story short, he told me that he's more attracted to a girl who knows her body. I'm sure he sensed I didn't. He likes it when the girl he is with tells him exactly where to finger and touch her and then cum right in front of him. He also said when he is having a one night stand with a girl, he wants to know that he is satisfying her. Maybe I am naive, I probably am, considering I've had only 3 partners at 31 years of age, but I've always assumed that when a guy is using a girl for sex, he should only care about satisfying himself, having the girl as a place to put his penis, nothing more. Maybe I was unfortunate to have sex with 3 selfish men. If any guys are reading this, do you take your time seducing her, have foreplay, and finger her when you are using her for sex?
This guy from myspace has taught me so much, although we've never had sex of any kind. He showed me some videos of girls pleasuring themselves and I never even thought to do those things. It's like I'm not creative in a sense. I never was in Art class anyway. I think I'm just too embarassed. I have to admit, yes, I do pleasure myself, but I get more gratification remembering the real sex I had with a guy and hearing his deep voice on the phone (during regular conversation, not phone sex). I don't need to pleasure myself and rarely do it.
Does anyone else feel like I do? Thanks.

>>If any guys are reading this, do you take your time seducing her, have foreplay, and finger her when you are using her for sex?<<
Well, there is no doubt that there are plenty of guys out there that like to "use" a woman for sex but I think that most men prefer to have sex "together". You can't use a woman like an object, as just a place to put your penis, and expect the sex to be great. The two of you have to work together to have really good sex. To answer the question, Yes, I enjoy seducing her, spending time on foreplay and Yes, I will finger her or do whatever she wants or needs to get aroused. However I am not "using" her. I want her to be a willing and active participant and I don't want a woman that I am with to feel "used". I want my partner to feel wanted and desired and aroused and eager for sex, not used.
I don't think that it matters too much about whether you masturbate or not. Certainly there are some benefits to it - you get to be more comfortable with your body and aware of your sexual needs and responses but you don't HAVE to masturbate to have good sex with a man. My wife rarely masturbates and prefers to have "real" sex when she's in the mood for sex. Like you, she recently discovered a technique in a blue movie that she now uses when she's stimulating herself (often during intercourse) and she simply hadn't thought of it before either. Now that she knows about it, it's a regular part of sex now.
As for this guy that you had the two dates with; I don't think that there is a guy out there that doesn't like watching a woman masturbate. It's an erotic little thrill for most guys. But at the same time, if a guy is patient and really likes you, he should be able to talk to you about what he likes and be prepared to work with you and develop your sex life together. You shouldn't feel that somehow you weren't good enough or didn't know enough for this guy. As for satisfying a girl during a one night stand? That might be a little optimistic to expect to be able to satisfy every girl in every one night stand. Everyone is different and this guy is simply going to find that there are women out there that need something a bit different from what he knows. In a way, he's being quite selfish and egotistical about what he wants. He wants his women to be "this" way and he's not prepared to give some ground for a woman that doesn't fit his standards. Those women don't allow him to feel like he's accomplishing his objective of being "a great lover that can 'satisfy' every woman that he meets".
I think that you HAVE been unfortunate enough to have sex with three men that were selfish. On the brightside, you're starting to recognise this and will be able to choose more wisely now. I think that you'll find that sex with a guy that is not selfish is quite a lot better and considerably different than you've had so far.