Am I such a huge freak?
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| Fri, 05-11-2007 - 10:20pm |
I feel as though I stick out like a sore thumb, in the following aspect.
I sort of bloomed late in life, and I got a later "start" than most other young women. I was raised by my mom to be somewhat religious, although since I'm an adult now, that has changed, although it took me many years to gain any new insights of my own.
I am now in my late twenties and I am with a guy close to my own age. We've been together for six years. We aren't married yet, and I don't know when we will be. The thing is, he is the only guy I've ever been close with, in either a physical OR an emotional sense. I've never dated or had physical intimacy with any other person. I have NEVER done any of the things that the vast majority of other young women have done...I've never dated around or had multiple partners, I've never had the proverbial fling with a sexy foreign stranger or with a charming older boss at work. It seems to me that everyone else, and I mean EVERYONE, has done these kinds of things...EXCEPT me!
When I was younger I noticed how different I was, but I wasn't too bothered by it. I was pretty carefree about it. I didn't think I was doing anything wrong and that I didn't need to sleep around to feel important. I was still influenced by my mom's teachings, but the older I got, the more I started to question them. Now that I'm starting to get officially old (as far as the modern culture is concerned), I'm feeling panicked, and I wonder if I wasted my life. I've never been able to keep friends because my lack of expertise in the world of men repels them for some reason. I can't have many conversations with others because I cannot match them on their level of life experience. It's like everyone sees me as a little girl in a woman's body, and it feels pretty rotten.
What is wrong with me? Was I wrong to not care about getting a wide variety of sexual experiences? Does that make me a freak? Well, I KNOW it does, but how do I cope with this?

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Oh stop, you are not old or even close. When you look back 10 yrs from now you will see what silly thoughts you had at the time. "If only I knew then what I know now" You are not old until you die. People are enjoying the best times of their lives in their 50, 60, 70, 80s.
Read, read, read on these boards, and books, talk with a counselor if you can. Talk with an older woman or man who you can confide in, not your mother! Find out what others are thinking and have been through and you'll learn you're not alone. When things aren't going right, we all feel we are the only person on earth feeling odd, and after information gathering realize there are millions of others who feel the same way.
It's time you decide what you need to be happy in your life for yourself and go get it. No-one on this earth is responsible for your happiness but yourself. REPEAT No-One on this earth is responsible for your happiness but yourself.
A big wedding is a happy day, but it is not the only happy day, nor is it the happiest day. Life is a journey to be lived each day. If you think that will be the happiest day, then it's all down hill from there. What a bummer, dude! My wedding was a happy day, a glorous day, but the birth of my children were even better, and each day they grow and learn and crack me up is even better than the one day/moment they were born.
When in my 20s and friends were all competing with each other to earn more, get married first, buy homes, buy cars, etc. and they gave me a bad time for not "having" all of their possessions, I asked them, if I go broke are you going to save me. The answer was always WELL NOT REALLY, so I kept saving my money, driving a used car, renting an apartment, and getting married when it was right for me, and in the end, they didn't really care, they are still my friends, most of them at least! The ones who aren't were too shallow anyway, and are dealing with their own issues.
If you make your choices based on your desires, then you can't blame anyone but yourself, however by making your choices, and not someone elses then you won't need to blame anyone, including yourself.
I am humbled to offer any thoughts that help you.
Welcome to the board redside. Thanks for joining in -- sounds like great advice to me!
I hope you'll visit May Roll Call and let us get to know you a little better.
my partner in the siggy exchange
Hi, Bell:
I don't know if my problem with sex was that I found it "dirty." But I did think it was a "big deal" and I didn't want to be casual with it. I know that scores of other people have casual sex and have no problem with it, but it scared the utter crap out of me.
I always thought it should be "special." I thought that if I stayed to myself, I would stay respectable because I always heard stuff like "Guys don't like sluts" yada yada yada...but I always had this belief that I would never forgive myself if I slept with someone without really knowing them first, because being naked in front of someone makes you EXTREMELY vulnerable to them.
"Oh stop, you are not old or even close. When you look back 10 yrs from now you will see what silly thoughts you had at the time. "If only I knew then what I know now" You are not old until you die. People are enjoying the best times of their lives in their 50, 60, 70, 80s."
I appreciate that. I know it must sound ridiculous to call myself old at my age, especially to those who are older than I am. It is funny, when I look back on my life ten years ago, I am saying that exact same thing, "If only I knew then!" and such. Right now I am constantly being force-fed messages that say being under 30 is the most important time of a woman's life...and then I hear about all these people accomplishing all these great things before they are even finished with high school. I feel totally inadequate knowing that people 10 years younger than I am have lived and done more than I have. A bitter pill to swallow.
As for talking with others, even in that sense I am behind everyone else. I'm rather shy, and like I said, my lack of life experience makes it hard for me to find friends. The Internet is a good venue for exploring, though.
And about my wedding day...I agree, there are certainly more things to look forward to after that. But weddings are the perfect excuse to throw a huge bash, with lots of music and guests and all that fun stuff. There are few excuses after that to have huge celebrations. I've had less than my fair share of big parties.
Welcome to the board foxden314. I hope you'll visit May Roll Call and let us get to know you a little better.
my partner in the siggy exchange
Hugs to you.
Bell
Oh stop.....All I can think of to say is OH,STOP!!!! You're just making excuses. You're not happy with your life, but you can't blame that on high school students that accomplish "great things". Very few! There are also 60 year old people that accomplish great things after having been a bookkeeper all their lives. You can't worry about what you didn't do 10 years ago. The first day of the rest of your life is TODAY. Many of the people that you "envy" have accomplished nothing....they got married young, and they're now divorced. Many of them are on drugs or are alcoholics, have nothing in life and will never have anything. As for finding friends......"shyness" is fear, and if you're afraid to meet new people, and find friends, it's not because you're shy, it's because you don't TRY. People do NOT make new friends based on their "experience" in life, and your perceived lack of experience has nothing to do with making friends. It's your fear of trying to make friends. What would happen if you knew a woman at work that seemed nice to you, and you started talking to her, and got FRIENDLY with her? Chances are you'd have a new friend. But if she didn't reciprocate, SO WHAT? It wouldn't be the end of the world. You try again with someone else. And, if she doesn't reciprocate, it's not because you lack experience....it's because she isn't interested, or hasn't got time, or whatever. It has nothing to do with you or your experience.
As for your Wedding day....that's ONE DAY. A marriage is (hopefully) for the rest of your life. Unfortunately, too many people put a LOT of planning and money into that "special day".....and give no thought to the MARRIAGE.... If you want to have a big party, you don't have to get married to do that. You can invite friends for dinner, a cook out, brunch...or whatever you want to invite them to. You don't have to get married to have a party. (Also, if you have no friends, who would you invite to the wedding?)
You're not happy w/your boyfriend. You probably have very good reason for not being happy. You "saved" yourself for someone "special", and he turned out to be not so special! That's what happened to those people you envy! They "gave themselves" to SEVERAL "special" people, and it didn't work out. Everyone takes a different path in life. You're on the path you've chosen for yourself. Now you're not happy on that path....so it's time to take a new path.
You are using all of this as an excuse to NOT change your life. Well, if you want your life to change, then YOU have to change it. No one can do it for you. Getting married isn't going to change anything, either, because you'll be "settling" for this guy that you're NOT happy with.....because you're afraid to risk changing your life.
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