Am I a tease?

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-24-2005
Am I a tease?
21
Mon, 10-24-2005 - 8:35am
I am 20 years old and was not very sexually experienced until my current BF. From the beginning we were able to talk about anything. For example, we have discussed how he has had a couple of sexual partners while I have had none. I am completely okay with that.
Also, we right away discussed how for him having a girl give him oral is a bigger deal than intercourse and he has to know her better and feel more comfortable with her for that to happen (which, btw, I thought was a little weird, but I'm not judging :-P, hehe). Anyway, for me sex is a very big deal and I am still a virgin. Anyway, my first night with my current guy, after having the talk about how I wasn't ready for sex and how he wasn't ready for oral, he ended up WANTING oral. Which I thought was weird, since he had just told me that it was such a big deal for him! I wonder if it was when he found out that I wouldn't be having sex with him, he decided to cave in because his desire was stronger than his morales or whatever you want to call it. Anyway, we have now been in a relationship for a few months and he doesn't pressure me to have sex, but I obviously know he wants it. He sometimes makes comments when we are doing sexual activities, not intercourse, such as, that he would love to make love to me at that moment repeatly, over and over again, etc. These comments get me really hot and sometimes cause me to tease him a little bit. Is that unfair of me? Is it bad to tease him and make him really want sex when he and I know hes not going to get it. He knows that I am not teasing him to make him think that we are going to have sex, I just do it to get him excited. But, is it unfair to get a guy really thinking and wanting sex when he's not going to get it?
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2004
In reply to: dollysface
Tue, 10-25-2005 - 9:05pm

There is no difference between oil and lube. KY with heat sensation is a good thing and not TOO hot.

As for what to whisper in his ear? What do you think he would like to hear? Has he shared any fantasy about sex in a public place? A blowjob while he's driving? It depends on your S.O.

I get excited at the thought of my S.O. with another man. Would that turn him on? You have to be very descriptive in the story from what you're wearing to the sound the zipper makes on his pants as you pull his manhood out before you do the deed.

The more visual imagery you can create for him, the better the climax for him. I would also suggest you put your lips next to his ear and make little moaning sounds.

Is he a lingerie fan? A stiletto fan? Whatever it is, surprise him by wearing those things before you give him a hand job. The thing to remember is to have fun and be very descriptive for him.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2004
In reply to: dollysface
Tue, 10-25-2005 - 9:24pm

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bounxh0a-1.gif picture by dillbyrd

Avatar for katmandoo2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: dollysface
Tue, 10-25-2005 - 10:24pm
Well, she ASKED for opinions on this behavior and MY opinion is that it's teasing and it's wrong. He may logically know what her stand is regarding intercourse, but it isn't much fun having a carrot dangled in front of your face, day after day, and never get to take a bite either.


Edited 10/25/2005 10:26 pm ET by katmandoo2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-24-2005
In reply to: dollysface
Wed, 10-26-2005 - 4:50am
So what kind of "teasing" is appropriate/ fun, but not unfair?
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2004
In reply to: dollysface
Wed, 10-26-2005 - 7:31am

The kind of teasing that he knows you are going to follow through with the act.


bounxh0a-1.gif picture by dillbyrd

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-26-2005
In reply to: dollysface
Wed, 10-26-2005 - 9:48am

Do you understand the definition of "tease"? Among other things, according to Webster, it is: "to excited sexually without the intention of satisfying"!

You said: ""I have NEVER told him that I would have intercourse with him! I don't tease by saying I will do things and then not. Now that would be cruel! I tease with my actions. For example, I'll lean my body in like I'm going to let him go inside of me, and then I'll pull away and then I'll go give him and BJ or something like that..." You lean your body in like you are GOING to let him go inside you, then you pull away! THAT is teasing!! Have you heard that "actions speak louder than words"? You don't have to SAY you will do it, you are IMPLYING that you will, until you pull away! Saying it or implying it, NO DIFFERENCE!

The difference between "oil" and "lube"? Well, for one, oil is for body massage, or for cooking. It wouldn't hurt to use it for "hand jobs", but NEVER use it as a sexual lubricant. Oil doesn't go inside you, and oil will destroy a latex condom. Lube is made specifically for sex, and it's water based. Your vagina cannot expel oil, and you could wind up with an infection from it.

You have a "strange" idea of what a "romantic encounter" is! You said: "Which come to think of it is a lot of what romantic encounters in the bedroom are about. For example, guys will sometimes watch or look at pornography to get themselves off. They don't actually get to have the women they are looking at, but it does the job!" You think a man masturbating to porn is a "romantic encounter"? I think you're confusing "romance" with "sex"......two different things. "Romance" can include sex, or not. "Romance is a "mind set".....and has to do with many other things besides sex. "Romance" could be telling you that you're beautiful. It could be something as simple as bringing you one red rose. Romance can lead to sex, but sex, in and of itself has nothing to do with "romance". "Getting off" is not a romantic encounter, particularly when it's a result of porn! By saying that, what you're saying is that you're the same as porn, you're just there to "get him off"!

As for intercourse being only for making babies, there wouldn't be much sex going on if it was reserved JUST for that! Either that, or there would be a "baby boom" of unbelievable proportions!

Sex is about intimacy, and intercourse is nothing more than one part of being intimate. Oral sex, giving or receiving, is probably MORE intimate than intercourse will ever be, and just as capable of spreading STD's.

As someone else said, you'd better start looking at various forms of birth control, because one of these days, your "leaning into him" will end up in intercourse! Your attempts at "exciting" him can very easily backfire on you! You keep saying "no, no, no", but your ACTIONS are saying "yes, yes, yes"! That's called "mixed messages" and he's hoping it's your actions that mean something, NOT what you say.

Also, are you aware that by "leaning into him", if he's leaking pre-ejaculate (which most men do once they're erect) you could wind up pregnant without ever having intercourse? Most pre-ejaculate contains hundreds of sperm PER DROP, and just getting them outside of the vagina can make it possible for them to get INSIDE.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2004
In reply to: dollysface
Wed, 10-26-2005 - 10:13am

Dolly--Evidently, according to Kat, teasing is wrong, per the post Kat has already made along this thread.

I will be curious to see if Kat back peddles or if Kat can further clarify if all teasing is wrong, or if some teasing is ok. Then, which is it?

TR

Avatar for katmandoo2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: dollysface
Wed, 10-26-2005 - 10:50am

I would appreciate it if you didn't attempt to speak for me, Tex. And I believe I made my position perfectly clear in my first response to dollysface. Perhaps you were so busy jumping to immediate conclusions that you missed that part. So no "backpeddling" required. Sorry.

Dollysface, as I said in my 1st response...I believe teasing is always wrong when there is NEVER a follow through with the action or item you're teasing with. Or no intention to follow through. That's not fun for him, it's just cruel. As I said, put yourself in HIS place to see how he might feel.

Teasing him with oral is one thing, as Tish pointed out, you are willing to do that, but intercourse? No.

My Dh and I tease one another all the time....BUT we know that, in the end, we're finally going to get what we're teasing each other with. Big difference. That kind of teasing can build anticipation.

If my DH continously teased me with oral sex but never GAVE me oral sex, only a handjob instead, then that would be cruel and frustrating. In your case, you are doing that with intercourse. Tempting and then taking away.




Edited 11/8/2005 11:15 am ET by katmandoo2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2004
In reply to: dollysface
Wed, 10-26-2005 - 11:29am

TR, what part of appropriate and inappropriate teasing do you not understand?


bounxh0a-1.gif picture by dillbyrd

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2001
In reply to: dollysface
Thu, 10-27-2005 - 12:42am

>>So what kind of "teasing" is appropriate/ fun, but not unfair?<<

It's a tough one. You can debate the exact meaning of "teasing" until the cows come home and you turn blue in the face. But I don't think that there is anything wrong with some light-hearted teasing in the bedroom to heat things up and make life interesting.

Yes, I do think that "leaning your body in" is risky from your point of view - especially if his penis is rubbing against or very near your vagina. There are a couple of reasons for that. Some of them like the risk of pregnancy have already been mentioned. The other that was mentioned was him thinking that you had changed your mind. Bear in mind that I think that this is a fun way to tease a guy, but it's not so much fun if you do it all the time and never let him inside. I mean that it's not "BAD", it just gets a bit frustrating and he'll end up pushing a little further and asking more often.

I can tell you from personal experience that this is often the way that I first experience intercourse with a couple of women. Yes. They changed their minds when they were so turned on and a penis was rubbing against them. We weren't planning on having intercourse but it kinda just happened - suddenly I was inside and we were both enjoying it. So, I think that you have to be careful with that sort of thing - between his desire to push in just a tiny bit further and your aroused state you could find yourself loosing your virginity in a way that you didn't plan if you continue to let him put his penis near your vagina or rub your body against his penis. You might be teasing but his penis only needs to "slip" an inch or two and he's in. And here's a thought: It may not have slipped by accident either.

OK, if you're going to avoid that there is plenty of other things that you can do. The list is endless everything from lingerie to massages to talking dirty to posing seductively to touching, kissing and caressing - all the stuff that you could and do do in bedroom. What ever you do has the same goal - you're trying to get him really turned on and aroused but insuring that he knows that the two of you are and will be staying within the ground rules that you set down originally. Like "no intercourse".

I think that you can analyse this too much and get too worried about whether or not you are teasing too much or not enough. Sex should be fun. Just ask yourself would I like this or would I be getting really frustrated and annoyed by now?