Am I wrong to be annoyed by this?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-29-2004
Am I wrong to be annoyed by this?
9
Mon, 06-20-2005 - 11:07am

Ok, i've been in a relationship for several months now. We have a fairly active sex life. Several times a week. We do have sex in the morning ALOT! So this morning we were both pretty frisky. We started messing around. I started giving him oral. And after a good while, I stopped so that we could have sex and climax together. Only instead of initiating intercourse, he finished himself. Ok, well thats not the issue. I dont care if he does that... honestly. But i think it was kind of selfish to leave me out of the whole experience. I mean, I was just as turned on as he was, but I didnt get to participate. Not to mention the fact that giving really turns me on even more! So anyway, he felt bad and offered to help me out in that department. But it was really too late. I wanted to have sex with him. I didnt want the sympathy orgasm. LOL

Am I wrong to be upset by this? I was married before and this happened to me frequently. It really did make me not want to be generous anymore. This is the first time it's happened with BF. I'm wondering if this is a normal thing for men, or does it just always happen to me? (rolling eyes) How should I have reacted to him?

I'm sorry if I've been too frank in my writing here. I've never really posted here and I'm unsure of the etiquette. Thanks!

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2004
Mon, 06-20-2005 - 11:38am
Nope, you're not being too frank at all.

bounxh0a-1.gif picture by dillbyrd

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-18-2004
Mon, 06-20-2005 - 2:28pm
it seems to me that one time, my current boyfriend, who i've been dating for about 2 months--the first time i gave him head, i was going to go until he finished because I had cramps and it was early in the relationship where i felt weird being like "wanna have sex on my period" so i was just going to finish him off w/ a blow job...well i don't think thats what he thought. i think he thought we were going to have sex... so i'm doin my thing and all of a sudden i stop to switch the way i was sitting cuz i was fallin off the bed and he was like "no no" and he finished himself off (only took likea minute though) so i think he was just so close to coming that he was confused.....but yes, i would be annoyed in this situation...does seem kinda selfish especially if he was aware that u were horny and wanted to have sex.. men..
i don't know what to say.. maybe talk to him about it.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-2004
Mon, 06-20-2005 - 4:55pm

This happened ONCE.....that's not a "pattern". He immediately realized that he'd made a mistake, and he offered to "help you out", but you said no.

There's really NO point in being annoyed by ANYTHING. That just leads to resentment & anger, and it solves nothing.

Instead of being annoyed, talk to him tonite, and tell him how you feel/felt, including the "sympathy orgasm". I have a feeling he already knows what he did wrong, but it will help YOU to get it off your chest. If you don't, it will just fester, with you waiting for it to happen again, and it might NEVER happen again. Talk to him....it's called "communication".

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2001
Mon, 06-20-2005 - 5:29pm

He's done it _once_ and he offered to help you reach an orgasm after he realised that you had expected more. I think that you over-reacted a bit. Obviously your reaction was triggered by your past experiences with a selfish husband and that includes the idea that he offered you a "sympathy" orgasm. I don't see why you considered it to be a sympathy orgasm. So, No, I don't think that you should be annoyed at all.

You could see this incident a couple of ways. First, what exactly is wrong with him choosing how a session of sex should go once in a while? You wanted intercourse, he wanted to finish himself off. Who is to say what's right or wrong with that? If it happened all the time, then yeah, it would be selfish of him. Once or twice is variety. If the postions had been reversed and you didn't want intercourse what would have been wrong with that? After-all, he can finish himself off if he needs to.
Secondly, it may have just been miscommunication. He might have been running out of time that morning or thought that you didn't want intercourse.

Avatar for katmandoo2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 06-20-2005 - 5:32pm

Well, I don't blame you for being disappointed, of course you were, but as long as this doesn't happen often, then I wouldn't make a big deal out of it, if I were you.

Understandably, you are just a little more sensitive about reciprocation with your past history with a selfish husband.

Just be clear with your guy about what you expect and why.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-22-2004
Mon, 06-20-2005 - 6:10pm

Hey "fellow" chocoholic! ;)

Good part about it is that he realized right away that you actually wanted to finish with him and that you weren't simply trying to be nice and help him finish and thats it. Is it that he didn't know that until after it was too late?, especially since he isn't known for being selfish like this? Something worth thinking about IMO.

Also, better to be a bit upset about what appears to be a one-time incident rather than an ongoing one, I say.

Hmmm...time for a Nestle's.

 

C  H  A  R  A  C  T  E  R

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-26-2004
Mon, 06-20-2005 - 7:19pm
Why not take things into your own hands at the same time with respect to your own body when this happens? That's what I do. He obviously CHOSE that form of stimulation at that time for whatever his reasons were. Sometimes, you just want to do it yourself. That's your cue to join in. DH and I haven't had structured....foreplay/intercourse for years. We used to always end up with intercourse. Now it's a free for all. I much prefer it that way. We don't know where we'll start, or end up. Maybe this is what he wants as well. Talk to him. Tell him what you feel and were thinking; and just work out the kinks.
Imagination is more important than knowledge." (Albert Einstein )
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2003
Mon, 06-20-2005 - 9:12pm

You say you stopped so that you could finish off with intercourse. But did you tell him that? If you wanted to change to intercourse, then why should he have initiated intercourse? Why didn't you do that? Is it possible that he didn't know that's what

Choose your friends by their character and your socks by their color.  Choosing your socks by their character makes no sense and choosing your friends by their color is unthinkable.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-20-2004
Tue, 06-21-2005 - 8:58am
You needed to stop him as soon as he started masturbating and told him"lets do it instead" He couldnt read your mind, speak up!