Am I wrong for not telling?

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2005
Am I wrong for not telling?
6
Tue, 12-06-2005 - 3:18pm
I was recently diagnosed with HPV but have not told my boyfriend about it. There are a few reasons why I haven't but the major one is that it will not affect him in any way (healthwise). It will only affect him in that if he was to ever be with another woman he would give it to her. I don't have any symptoms like warts so it is easy for me to keep quiet about it. I also don't want to tell him cause I don't want him to think I was the one that gave it to him when in fact it could have been him who gave it to me. I just don't want to be blamed for it or have him think I was promiscuous when I haven't been. What are your thoughts on this, am I wrong for thinking this way?
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-26-2005
Tue, 12-06-2005 - 3:54pm

Yes, you're wrong for thinking this way. He needs to be told. He may, or may not have contracted it from you, and he needs to be tested to see if he has it. You say it wouldn't matter as long as he's never with another woman, but you have no way of knowing the future, or knowing if he'll ever be with another woman. Relationships HAVE been known to end.

You must not have much faith in him if you're afraid he'll blame you. It's possible he gave it to you, and unless you were a virgin going into the relationship, you might have given it to him. At this point it really doesn't matter who gave it to whom. What does matter is that you do your part to prevent it from going any further. Whether or not you've had any outbreaks doesn't matter either, because it's contagious even if it's not visible.

If you can't be honest with him about something as serious as HPV, then there's something wrong with the relationship. He deserves to know, and he should get tested ASAP. That way if he hasn't gotten it yet, he can take precautions so that he WON'T get it.

You're being selfish, and you're being paranoid. It's something that NEEDS to be told. What he does with the information is up to him. This is why STD's are rampant....because people don't tell.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2005
Tue, 12-06-2005 - 4:22pm

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We have had unprotected sex 90% of the time so I know for a fact he either gave it to me or I have already given it to him. There is no test for men available at this time. The only way they can detect HPV on a man is if there is a visible wart that can be removed and lab tests run on it. Otherwise doctors don't have another way to test for HPV on males and it doesn't affect them because they don't have a cervix which is what HPV attacks in a woman.

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Another thing about HPV is that you can still get it while using condoms so even if we had used condoms either one of us would have still been infected. That is why 75-80% of American women currently have HPV but do not know because just like me they do not show any symptoms.

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Yes I definitely agree with you. I'm just afraid that he will look at me different. If I would have had an STD like chlamydia or another type that would pose harm to him than I wouldn't hesitate to tell him but I've done research on it and studies show this disease doesn't affect men like it does a women. Thank you for your comments.

Avatar for katmandoo2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 12-06-2005 - 4:51pm

And THIS is exactly why and how STD's are spread! No one wants to be judged, so they just don't say anything which potentially, puts even MORE people at risk!

And yes, he can pass it onto other partners, even if he is asymptomatic. Doesn't that concern you in the least?

Do the right thing and TELL him. He deserves to know....but you're right, it's very likely that he did give it to you. And if he did, knowingly, then he owes YOU an explanation and apology.




Edited 12/6/2005 4:55 pm ET by katmandoo2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-21-2004
Tue, 12-06-2005 - 5:47pm

YES - YOU ARE WRONG NOT TO TELL HIM!


Sorry, but this isn't one of those things you can bend on. If he did give it to you, then he needs to get treated and try to figure out where he got it If you gave it to him, he still needs to know that fooling around with someone else

--


martinisnsushi - the two most important food groups!

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-12-2002
Tue, 12-06-2005 - 5:48pm
You need to tell him, he has a right to know. If you ever break up, would you tell him then? Probably not, then the next woman that he infected would blame him, when he didn't even know. It doesn't matter who gave it to who, or whether he is affected healthwise, he still needs to know.

 


 


iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2004
Tue, 12-06-2005 - 7:04pm

You are wrong in not telling him.


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