Amazing ex-girlfriend?

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-25-2007
Amazing ex-girlfriend?
8
Wed, 07-25-2007 - 7:30am

I'm interested in a guy who talks about his ex quite often. Right now we are just friends, but we've talked about it, and we both can see our friendship turning into something more. He was with his ex for 3 years and that was his only serious relationship. Coming from someone who hasn't had a lot of sex, it seems like he's done everything with her (roll play, dress up, so many positions, different places, slow sex, fast sex, dirty talk). I can't help but compare myself to her and wonder if I'll ever be as good in bed as her, let alone get him to stop thinking about her/talking about her.

Has anyone else experienced this? Any advice?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2007
Wed, 07-25-2007 - 7:58am

Welcome to the board silverstars05.

Since the two of you are just friends, perhaps he isn't over his last GF. If you want to be his friend and provide him support, to include sobbing on your shoulder, then chances are he's going to be talking about is ex. If you are having sex with him and wanting more from your relationship, then you need to tell him. Let him know that you're not comfortable being compared to her and hearing him always discuss their sexcapades makes you feel as if you are being compared.



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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-25-2007
Wed, 07-25-2007 - 8:14am
SilveStars as women we tend to put ourselves down, so I understand why you would worry about the things you've mentioned and your feelings towards this guy. But sometimes we have to give ourselves a good old kick in the self-esteem. If you really like him and you feel that you want to be intimate w/him then I don't thnk you should agonize over wether or not you'll be as good in bed as his X was. You have to remeber that she is just that, HIS X. You said you are friends w/this guy, so if you are talking to him about his X as a friend then keep going. But if you and he want more and thats why your talking, I think you would be wise to tell him that talking about his X all the time makes you feel bad. Remember Guys are just as nervous, if not more so, as women when it comes to new relationships. Especially with all the possibilities a beautiful woman brings to the table. If he truly see what an oppurtunity he has right in front of him w/you, he'll stop talking/thinking about his X. If not there's always more fish in the sea.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-20-2004
Wed, 07-25-2007 - 8:42am
He may just be testing the waters ,so to speak, to see if you have what it takes to be just as wild as the EX. He is letting you know what he likes in bed, so if you are not up to it then you should not get involved...you already know how he is and what he likes.But he doesnt know if you are like he is yet.You might comment to him when he mentions her and what they did, "yeah, that sounds like fun, I like those things too". That is ,if you really do like those things.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-12-2006
Wed, 07-25-2007 - 10:28am

At this point, you're just "friends". He's not over her yet, obviously. As a "friend" you need to tell him that it's OVER, and he needs to get over it. The past is just that, past, and it should stay in the past. Her "amazing" abilities in bed obviously didn't make the relationship work....so why should YOU worry about it?

If you want this "friendship" to turn into more.....then the first thing you should do is tell him you don't want to hear about it anymore, and the second thing you should do is to STOP making "comparisons" in your mind. "Good in bed" is "relative". If a relationship is good, then you'll be just as "amazing" as any other woman was. Part of "amazing" is the feelings you have for someone.

His relationship is over, but he's still clinging to the memories. He needs to stop, and he needs to stop talking about it. Tell him that.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-25-2007
Wed, 07-25-2007 - 12:31pm

Thanks everyone for your comments.

I do feel better after reading these.

We both know that we are pretty into each other, but as of right now, we are just friends. As a friend, I want him to be able to talk about his ex. And even as a girlfriend I want him to feel comfortable talking to me about his life (i guess even if it means his ex). But I guess the more prevalent problem is me feeling like no matter how much I step out of my comfort zone or even how much I enjoy sex with him, I feel like it's always going to fall short of his sex life with his ex.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-17-2007
Wed, 07-25-2007 - 8:51pm

My BF and I both talk about our exes, though we've been together for almost 1 yr (9th of next month). I think though that you should tell him how you feel about him talking so much about is ex's sexual behavior. Talking about past relationships is good and can definitely make your bond even closer because you are friends first and lovers second. However, if he is saying things like, "I really loved having sex with her because she was so crazy/etc./etc.," it really will just make you feel bad - if you two end up together. Which, it sounds like you both are considering it, so just tell him you don't mind hearing about anything he talks about her, just that it makes you feel as it is.

My BF is not as sexually experienced as I am, and before we even considered getting together, we would often talk about our sexual escapades. The guy I was with before him gave me incredible orgasms, and I would FE every single time, usually 4-5x. So, yeah, the sex was good, but he didn't really touch me emotionally. However, my BF cannot seem to get past the fact that I don't FE 4-5x when we have sex, so it makes him feel inadequate. I certainly don't think he's inadequate in any way, I love having sex with him, but reassuring him doesn't seem to help.

I guess I'm just saying, that it would be better for you in the long run to not hear about that part of his past if you two do plan on getting together.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-25-2007
Wed, 07-25-2007 - 10:24pm

wow I wasn't expecting that suki. thank you.

it's very interesting to see from your perspective. thanks again!

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-17-2007
Wed, 07-25-2007 - 10:32pm
You are very welcome! I wish you the best of luck!