Any Ideas
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Any Ideas
| Mon, 07-02-2007 - 6:50pm |
My Bf and I have been together a little over a year and our sex life has gone to nothing I have tried the ideas that r on iVillage about giving him oral and not expect any thing in return but even when I do that he will block me out and not give me the O and he finishes it himself It seems like he don't want to do it with me any more and when we do I go down on him and that kind of thing but he doesn't touch me back. I haven't recieved oral from him in like 6 months and when I try to talk to him about it he changes the subject so any ideas to help get it back. I also would love to try something new but I have no imagination so any help there would be great I want to show him that we can get our old spark back again. Thanks Jess

If your sex life really has gone to zero and he doesn't want to talk about it then I think that you have to make some hard decisions. Are you going to stay with him, or not?
If he won't have sex with you, and he won't explain 'why' then there isn't a lot that you can do. You need to sit him down and try talking again. Don't get emotional, don't get mad, don't get tense and argumentative. You've got to try and get him to open up and talk to you about it. Some things can be very difficult to talk about but he's got to realise that it is a big problem and that not talking about it is making it worse.
Welcome to the board Jess.
I agree with Westridge. You need to get your BF to sit down and talk, outside of the bedroom, in a non-confrontational manner. While there could be things that are contributing (like stress), he might also be selfish, having libido issues, etc. If he won't talk with you, then you can't fix this by yourself. It has to be something that both of you want to fix.
Try reviewing these articles for some tips on communicating effectively. If after you try them, you can't find something that works to get your guy to open up, then you might want to suggest couples counseling.
5 Secrets of Getting a Man to Open Up
http://love.ivillage.com/lnsproblems/lnscommunicate/0,,saver_79jcxw99,00.html
30 Days of Great Sex
Step 4: Talk About Sex
http://love.ivillage.com/lnm/lnmgetcloser/0,,nr21,00.html
Solutions to Your Top Two Communication Problems
http://love.ivillage.com/lnsproblems/lnscommunicate/0,,saver_7p3g,00.html
3 Communication Pitfalls to Avoid
http://love.ivillage.com/lnsproblems/lnscommunicate/0,,7mcw,00.html
Good luck, and let us know how things go.
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You can't fix it. It takes two people to fix a problem.....and it sounds like he's not interested in fixing anything.
As for giving him oral.....without expecting anything in return....that's fine to an extent. But, if you continue doing it, and he doesn't respond, then stop. If he wants "his" then he has to do something to get it.
As the others said, this isn't going to fix itself, and taking care of him and getting nothing in return isn't going to fix it either. You have to talk to him, tell him how it makes you feel, and ask what he intends to do about it.....to make you feel better about yourself and the relationship.
If he refuses to talk about it, then you have a decision to make. He doesn't CARE how you feel......end of story. Sex is certainly not the only part of a relationship, or even the most important part of it, but if it's non-existent.....then you have to decide you'll live this way, or you won't. If he doesn't care how you feel, then why would you stay in a relationship with him?