any ladies here

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-11-2004
any ladies here
15
Thu, 11-11-2004 - 5:01pm
this is for ladies who can tell me if they ever initiate sex with a guy........i just like to know how......

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2001
In reply to: kaddy26
Sun, 11-14-2004 - 4:00pm
>>In my whole life I've never had a woman initiate sex with me<<

Really? I've always thought that when a woman initiates sex it seems to be more subtle than when men do it. Perhaps that's because I'm not thinking about sex at the time and when someone-else is making the advances doesn't seem as obvious as when I am thinking and doing it - if you understand what I mean.



Perhaps women ARE more subtle too? They don't roll over and say "How about it?" as often.

I guess that the type of woman that you choose is the type that doesn't obviously initiate sex. Have a look back at the women that you have been involved with. If that's something that you want in a relationship perhaps you should approach women that are more assertive or something? Just a thought.

Back to the OP's question. My partner is very much a quick sex before getting out of bed in the morning type of person. She initiates that regularly. She'll often just reach across and start fondling me or duck under the covers while I'm half asleep and give me oral before taking control. It's a nice way to start the day.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-26-2003
In reply to: kaddy26
Sun, 11-14-2004 - 4:28pm
I have to admit that I was using the narrow definition of 'sex', meaning intercourse, when I said that no women had initiated sex with me. I will admit that there were a few times that women performed oral sex on me without my asking, which was fortunate since that was something that I was never comfortable asking for. So, I guess you could say that, in those cases at least, I did have women initiate 'sex' with me.

I can only guess what kind of actions would have made me feel that the woman was 'initiating' intercourse. Perhaps, on her own initiative, if she started with kissing, touching, and caressing, which led next to licking, nibbling, fondling, and even groping. Maybe if she then started removing my clothes, or her own, or both, then I'm pretty sure it would have become clear to me that her ultimate intent was intercourse. Since I've never had a woman do any of these things, I don't know for sure if that is how they actually do it.

The comment about the type of woman I chose is one that I've heard before, and which has always puzzled me. I've always assumed that a man only had a choice in the women he doesn't have sex with, that choice being made by his decision not to pursue them. Among those whom he does choose to pursue, it's seemed to me that it’s totally up to the women as to whom he will actually have sex with. The women I did have sex with were just those who let me have sex with them, and they were the ones who made the choice, not me. In that context, I can't think any characteristic that would have told me ahead of time that they weren't inclined to initiate intercourse, especially as compared to the others whom I pursued but wasn't successful with. I mean, really, is there a way that you can tell ahead of time?




Edited 11/14/2004 4:30 pm ET ET by omd49

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2001
In reply to: kaddy26
Sun, 11-14-2004 - 10:13pm
>>In that context, I can't think any characteristic that would have told me ahead of time that they weren't inclined to initiate intercourse, <<

I usually make the assumption that a woman that is more assertive in normal life is going to be more assertive in the bedroom. It's not like I evaluate the personality of every woman that I date like that though.

We all choose 'types'. There are always a combination of factors that we find attractive in a potential mate and we tend to choose partners that are similar to one another in many ways. At the extreme end of the scale, that's why people talk about abused women going from one abusive relationship to another. For some reason they often repeatedly 'choose' someone that will abuse them.

I have always been inclined to date assertive women that have a mind of their own. It's a combination that I unconciously find attractive especially if it's paired up with the physical characteristics that I find attractive. I've never really found dependant, clingy, girly women to be very attractive.

I just mentioned it because, maybe, you tend to date women that are less assertive or confident than, say, the type of woman that I date. If that was the case, then it wouldn't surprise me to learn that the women that you unconciously 'choose' aren't as assertive in the bedroom and don't initiate sex as often.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-26-2003
In reply to: kaddy26
Sun, 11-14-2004 - 10:51pm
That's a very interesting theory, although I've never been out with a 'dependant, clingy, girly' woman. Also, all of the women I've been with, with one exception, would be described as intelligent, confident, and independent. Still, I don't think that I would describe any of them as 'assertive'. Exactly how assertive are you talking about, and how does it manifest itself in everyday behavior?
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2001
In reply to: kaddy26
Mon, 11-15-2004 - 2:18pm
>>Exactly how assertive are you talking about, and how does it manifest itself in everyday behavior?<<

Beats me. I guess that I'd have to go to the dictonary for that one. I suppose that I mean women that are confident and happy to make decisions and organise things on their own without constantly needing reassurance.

I'm not saying that you can pick whether or not a woman will initiate sex just by how she acts in her day-to-day life. I just believe that an assertive confident women is more likely to initiate than a woman that isn't assertive and confident. I'm a bit worried that you think I've discovered a sure-fire way of finding a woman that will initiate sex! :-)

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