Anyone a voyeur..he LOVES to watch!

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-19-2004
Anyone a voyeur..he LOVES to watch!
7
Thu, 07-01-2004 - 6:09pm
OK..we have a great relationship. The only issue we are struggling with is the fact that he likes to watch, sometimes more than he likes to participate. I have never, ever dealt with anything like this. He says basically 70% of the time, he gets off more by watching me, and us talking about me with anouther man or woman or both. It's always been a fantasy of mine to be with 2 men, and a woman...so the fact that that turns him on doesn't bother me. We have AWESOME sex...but sometimes I feel a little rejected because he would rather watch me and jerk himself off instead of me giving him oral, etc. I know 100% that he loves me, and is attracted to me. Am I being too sensitive? I mean, he wants me to have sex with another man and/or woman while he watches..wow!!! I am a very very sexual person, and this really turns me on that I can have sex with other men with his blessing. Should I feel rejected?

Is anyone else out there a "watcher" or with a "watcher"...I desprately need some serious advice here...Do I just roll with it, and deal with feeling slighted sometimes? What else can I do? I told him I wish I could just flip a switch and turn off this side of him, but I can't. I love him, and I would never ever leave him, but should I just make the best of it??

Any advice would be greatly appreciated!!!!!!!

Thank you

Cathi

Avatar for katmandoo2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 07-01-2004 - 6:47pm
Personally, I think you need to heed to your intuition about this. Sometimes, our "gut" is trying to tell us something that our brain may not want to deal with.

Do you think you could indulge his need to watch forever? Do you want to be doing this when you're 65? I think you need to think this through very carefully and decide what you'll be agreeing to.

IF he cares for you as much as you care for him, then he'll need to be willing to compromise some of HIS desires so that you don't feel "trapped" into a lifestyle you weren't bargaining for.

Weigh everything you know and feel and then decide what's best for you. I say....listen to your gut.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-09-2003
Thu, 07-01-2004 - 6:54pm
I think we're all voyeurs to some extent. However, if you feel rejected when it's just the two of you, imagine how you might feel with a third-wheel. Since you want to turn him off, something is amiss.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-13-2004
Thu, 07-01-2004 - 6:59pm
If he won't or can't change, you might want to think about getting some counseling. My hubby are totally in love, but we are in counseling and one of the issues is his desire to have other's watch me exposing my breasts or us fooling around. Just the opposite of you. You can't go on forever feeling rejected or slighted about this. I mean, for him to want to watch you with another man or woman is fine, if you are fine with it, but if that's his main ideal of being or having sexual relations with or around you, then you will not be with your husband - you'll either be masturbating to him or having sex with others while he sits and watch.

To me, having hubby jerk off watching me is pretty rare. Okay on occasion, but not every time or even every other time.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-13-2004
Thu, 07-01-2004 - 7:01pm
I would also suggest posting your message on the other sex boards as well to get answers from every angle.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-05-2003
Fri, 07-02-2004 - 8:28am
I agree with Tiana, the fantasy is one thing, reality may be another and especially would probably have a different result for both of you. He may want it more while you'd desire him even more than you do now ... like you are having sex with everyone but him.

I get off on the idea of wtching my girl with another man or woman, but fantasy is as far as we willl likely ever take it ... we both understand the emotional difference between fantasy and reality. Plus, I would think that if he wants to play the fantasy out, so he can tell you the fantasy of how hot it is to imagine seeing you enjoy another man as it's really him instead ... we like that alot, and do the role play for each other too.

To me though, even when sex is getting rather kinky (oh, my secrets, lol) I still love her deeply and that makes the chemistry of the fantasy even hotter. Just tell him you want to feel him ... if it's a two way street (and to say you just want anything, like pleasing him orally) he should jump at the chance, or this has already gone a bit too far.

Good Luck!!!

Michael

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2004
Fri, 07-02-2004 - 10:41am
Jersey, You may want to post this on the Taboo board. You will get more people who are open to the alternative lifestyles there. I for one am a watcher. I love to watch my SO. We have done a threesome and I was both an active participant, and I sat back to watch for a minute. It was awesome. I loved it thuroughly. We did have some issues once it was done, but they were cleared up rather quickly. It was hard for her to seperate emotion from sex. So when it was over she had feelings to deal with regarding the third person. The only problem we really had was that she chose to keep them to herself, rather than letting me help her through it. If you do decide to go through with this, set boundaries or rules, keep to them, and stay open, honest, and forthcoming with your husband. If he is for real, it will be an awesome ride for both of you. As long as you are able to be an exhibitionist. LOL
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-2004
Fri, 07-02-2004 - 12:23pm
So, what do you do when whomever you pick to be your partner in this "performance" turns out to be a better lover? i.e.: more attentive to you, etc.

Some people can pull off threesomes sucessfully, but I don't think most can. Fantasies are one thing...reality is quite different. If my partner couldn't enjoy ME, and enjoy pleasuring me, he wouldn't be my partner very long.