Are All Men Like This?
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Are All Men Like This?
| Fri, 07-23-2004 - 6:23pm |
I've been dating this man, in his early 30's, for about 6 mo. We have been sexually active during most of this time and have openly discussed it. I have some concerns though and would like to hear feedback.
1. He does not like to use his hands to please a woman (though he doesn't mind oral). Personally, I like being touched with a man's hands more than anything. He says it does absolutely nothing for him and if any man tells me otherwise, they are lying. It does not turn him on at all, that's probably why he rarely does it (which is disappointing to me but then again, would I really enjoy him doing something I know he isn't enjoying?).
2. He doesn't really care for foreplay. He usually gets right to it and that means intercourse. He does not like me using my hands on him and the one time I did, he pushed my hand away after about 30 seconds. He also told me he'd rather watch TV than have a woman use her hands.
3. In the 6 mo we've been together, he's let me do oral on him maybe 4 times (because I was on my period). He told me early on he doesn't care for oral sex (on him). When I have done it, I have to do it fast and rough. It's as if he isn't overly sensitive and it takes a lot to get him off and only intercourse does it for him. This isn't fun for me because intercourse doesn't really do much for me.
So the only thing I'm left with is oral sex. He happily does that for me but I feel like I'm missing something. Any thoughts?
1. He does not like to use his hands to please a woman (though he doesn't mind oral). Personally, I like being touched with a man's hands more than anything. He says it does absolutely nothing for him and if any man tells me otherwise, they are lying. It does not turn him on at all, that's probably why he rarely does it (which is disappointing to me but then again, would I really enjoy him doing something I know he isn't enjoying?).
2. He doesn't really care for foreplay. He usually gets right to it and that means intercourse. He does not like me using my hands on him and the one time I did, he pushed my hand away after about 30 seconds. He also told me he'd rather watch TV than have a woman use her hands.
3. In the 6 mo we've been together, he's let me do oral on him maybe 4 times (because I was on my period). He told me early on he doesn't care for oral sex (on him). When I have done it, I have to do it fast and rough. It's as if he isn't overly sensitive and it takes a lot to get him off and only intercourse does it for him. This isn't fun for me because intercourse doesn't really do much for me.
So the only thing I'm left with is oral sex. He happily does that for me but I feel like I'm missing something. Any thoughts?

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Best wishes
No, most men aren't like that.
I use to be that way too when lady para and I first started. My situation though was mostly due to lack of communication and inexperience. Sounds like your situation has an advantage though: open communication.
Its good to hear that you're able to openly discuss your sex life with him. By what I've read here and there, there ARE men who treat sex with more intimacy than many others do. We would probably consider some to be extreme whereas others by comparison are hardly intimate at all. You didn't mention any physical problems or even a lack of interest in sex, so I'm this is mainly and 'intimacy' area only.
You are among peers here, not experts, so hopefully the shared experiences will help you, but if you haven't visited them yet, perhaps it'd help to also visit these areas:
http://messageboards.ivillage.com/iv-rlimproveyou
http://messageboards.ivillage.com/iv-rlpleasurepr
http://www.ivillage.com/cosmopolitan/boards/
I've received very good advice from the of resources just like these, even with issues similar to this.
Hope this helps. Let us know and share a lesson or two. ;)
C h a r a c t e r
above all else
Mr. Para
C H A R A C T E R
No, not all men are like that.
Best wishes.
Most men realize that women are very different and foreplay is integral to our sexual pleasure. Maybe it's time to educate your guy and help him understand that it's not just HIS experience he needs to be concerned about.
Your sexual pleasure should be as important to him as his own. And without that desire to please you, as well as himself, he's not being a very compassionate and loving partner. He needs to give himself TIME to learn to enjoy YOUR pleasure and he can.
He'll never become the lover he CAN be though, unless you help him get there. Be patient and loving, but insist that he take care of your needs. He'll thank you for it later when he experiences the emotional pleasure he gets from "taking care of his woman."
Edited 7/23/2004 10:41 pm ET ET by katmandoo2001
no not all men are like this. i for one want to have alot of foreplay and touching, that is very important.
making love is an unselfish act of giving yourself to another with your mind and soul.
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