Asked about first time

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-12-2008
Asked about first time
11
Mon, 05-12-2008 - 8:08pm

I had a weird experience yesterday and I couldn't think of anyone to ask about it, so I thought I'd try iVillage.

My wife of 10 years and kids were going through some old pictures and came across an old prom picture with my wife and her date. Based on what I remember from way back, I'm pretty sure this was hours before she lost her virginity.
Anyway, my kids were asking her about the guy and later asked me if I knew him. I said I didn't.

Later, when the kids were in bed, I asked my wife "Isn't that the guy you lost your virginity with?"
She shut the conversation down by saying "I am NOT having this conversation."
I said, "so it was?"
She said, rather forcefully, "I'm not talking about it!"
I got upset and walked away. Now it's really bugging me and I don't know why -- OK maybe it's because I knew that the picture was sort of a last look at her before she lost her virginity to this unknown dude.
I don't often ask my wife about her past. Before we started dating, she was pretty open about it. I was never entirely comfortable with hearing it, but in recent years I've mellowed.
Anyway, I was surprised she was so adamant about not talking and I was also surprised I got so upset that she got so upset.
Should I let the situation die by ignoring it, which tends to be how she would like it?
Am I a freak for wanting to get a straight answer out of her? Or find out more?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2001
Thu, 05-15-2008 - 12:53am

I think that letting it drop is probably the best thing to do. At least until you figure out how you feel about it yourself. I have a feeling that it would have ended in tears had she been honest and discussed it with you. A "Yes, I lost it to him" response would have led to other questions from you and quite possibly a fair amount of that illogical jealousy on your behalf - which wouldn't help your relationship with your wife.

Talking about your historical sex life with your current partner is a minefield unless you are really, really sure that you want to hear things that could rock your world and your perceptions of the person that you think that you know.

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