Attracted to Another

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-10-2003
Attracted to Another
12
Mon, 05-16-2005 - 12:02am

Last night I faced a major love-life dilemma...

My ex(25) and I(28) have been talking for awhile about getting back together. We broke up 7 months ago, but we've had sex twice since. He's asked to get back together a couple of times before, but I've always felt I was too busy to be a good girlfriend (I work full-time and go to college at night), which is the reason we broke up in the first place. I also live with my elderly grandmother, who expects me to spend any free time with her.

I'm going to be 29 this year, and have decided that I need to make some decisions. I still love my ex and want to ask him to take me back - but I don't know how. I'm not taking classes this summer, so I have extra time. The only real problem I felt was that he works nights, I work days.

But now - I've become very attracted to another man. He is a friend of a couple that I've become really good friends with. This couple knows my ex, and think he's a really good guy. But I find myself growing more and more attracted to their friend - who is quiet and shy, total opposite of my ex.

Last night a group of us went to the races, this guy was in the featured race. Later he met us at the bar, wearing his racing clothes. I was totally in lust with him(...and still am). I asked my friend if it was okay to find him extremely attractive, and she said yes.

So, my dilemma...Why do I find this guy sooooo attractive if I still love my ex? Why am I constantly thinking about him?

Liz

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2003
Sun, 05-22-2005 - 9:01am

Although not a realistic option for most of us. I couldn't very well keep DH away from all women either in his job or throughout his life.

I've worked with men throughout my whole adulthood. I just made the decision early on that I would regard a crush as nothing more than what it was - a temporary feeling of attraction. It's simply not realistic to think that I can isolate myself from half of the population, just so I won't find anyone attractive.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-10-2003
Sun, 05-22-2005 - 11:13pm

Ok - the main reason why me and the ex broke up because he has a drinking problem. I grew up with an alcoholic father, and told him I was not would not marry one. He knows he drinks excessively and is not willing to make concessions to help our relationship. I thought about getting back together with him if we both could try hard to work on us. But after a lot of thinking - I can't do that to myself.

So that leaves me to this other guy. Our mutual friends know that I am interested in him. I have no idea if anything has been said to him. And I'm not one to make the first move - self esteem issues.

I'm just going to continue hanging out with our group and see what happens.

Blessings -

Liz

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