Awesome Sex......but he never finishes..

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-25-2003
Awesome Sex......but he never finishes..
11
Fri, 10-06-2006 - 11:23pm

I'm 33, he's 38. We've been together since the beginning of July. He told me that he loved me on our 5th date.....it scared the hell out of me....my last relationship was pretty bad...I kept going back...guess I was trying to fix something that was beyond broken. Anyway, John, my new MAN...is awesome. I knew it was early to love him....but eventually I fell for him, too. We've had this discussion - everytime we have sex - it truly is "making love".....(don't roll your eyes with this one...how I feel it's differen't - we never use the F word...never use the C word or P word...lol...it's the little things like that....his actions...his touch...that's love making for us). Anyway, besides the fact that everytime we have sex it is amazing/spiritual...he is as hard as a rock...he gets hard with a smile from me...from a phone conversation....we totally make out while doing it. He can totally make me shiver from kissing my skin....and orally - WOW.....and me on him orally - I have never gone down on a guy who is so verbal while I'm doing it - it is very cool.

So...the reason why I write tonight? While I totally am satisfied.....he has yet to finish inside of me. In the 2+ months we've been together he hasn't....has been either left with "blue balls"....or "took care of himself" next to me afterwards (of course I would not be thrilled with this...but the guy just totally made me come countless times...I had to cut him some slack). He said he has had this problem in the past - when he has cared about a woman. When he doesn't care - no problem....shoots off like a rocket. Sometimes I feel like I have to hold back on the "Oh baby...I love you" during sex because it might negatively affect his ability to finish. He said he has spoken to a buddy....he knows he should speak to a professional. Any ideas on how to help him? I have asked him.....he just says, "stay close to me" as he "spanks the monkey" after we go through an amazing lovemaking session....(which isn't the most thrilling thing afterwards....)

I love this man......

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-26-2005
Fri, 10-06-2006 - 11:36pm

I think of all the sexual problems a couple could have, this isn't a biggie......you're both satisfied when it's over.

I agree that speaking to his buddy isn't going to do much for him. This isn't a physical problem, so he doesn't need a doctor either. There's something emotional going on with him. It's only been 3 months, and maybe he's just not sure of you yet...or just not comfortable enough to let go. Did he say how long these other relationships in which he "cared about" someone lasted? Or were they even relationships?

I'd say let it go, give it some time, and see what happens. Maybe he needs some kind of therapy to deal with it, but I'd just wait a while before suggesting that.

In the meantime, it doesn't seem to bother him, so don't let it bother you. You could even help him out when the time comes...to make it a little more intimate.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-26-2001
Sat, 10-07-2006 - 5:50pm
Have you offered to finish him with your hand or your mouth, like they do in porn videos? He may have some kind of Madonna/Whore mental block that makes it difficult for him to completely let himself go with a woman he cares about. If you finish him off, maybe even letting him squirt on your face or boobs, maybe it will allow him to think of you in a more sexual way and will be able to relax and let himself go during intercourse. It's just a possibility, but what do you have to lose? Otherwise, I'm with Dakine and think that it may just be a matter of time for him to get completely comfortable with the situation.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-30-2003
Sat, 10-07-2006 - 8:40pm

You are talking to each other about this and that is good. Keep communicating. Sounds like the trust is there. You can work this out.

I think in this book there is some discussion about this problem. Been a long time since I looked at it. Its now almost a vintage classic for sex and single women.

Having It All: Love, Success, Sex, Money Even If You're Starting With Nothing (Hardcover, 1982) By Helen Gurley Brown

I may get this wrong but I think she wrote something and I'm paraphasing "if you run into this problem with a man and she claims to have run into it. She would try a blow job then a hand job then at least hold the "boys" with her hand while the guy jerked monkey".

If you wanted to get even a little more intimate and feel him cum inside of you I guess you could teabag the "boys" while he jerked the monkey. Thats if you mouth is big enough or his boys are small enough. LOL I hope for your sake and his you make sure there is enough room for whatever you decide to do. LOL You may have to settle for just one boy inside of you. LOL I bet you would feel that and he would too. LOL

Good luck!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2004
Sat, 10-07-2006 - 9:03pm
My ex-bf would take FOREVER to cumm. But man did his penis stay hard for ages lol. Similar thing, I guess: he would often pull out and masturbate to the end, sometimes it would take several minutes and him j/o'ing furiously, sometimes not. He introduced me to the concept of facials, etc. -- you could try that if you're up for it. It probably would have helped him if I had been able to talk dirty but I can't do it at all.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-25-2003
Sun, 10-08-2006 - 8:44pm

Thanks to all who replied. Yes...I have tried to finish him off orally, but haven't been able to. After an amazing session last night we fell asleep...then after another session this morning he did masturbate - I did kiss him, lick him, etc while he was doing it. I guess - he just puts so much energy into sex with me.....and I orgasm countless times...guess I feel guilty in a way. And THEN he needs to STILL take care of himself....I love him and I want to help him.....

Again, thanks to all who replied.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-04-2006
Mon, 10-09-2006 - 10:16am

"He said he has had this problem in the past - when he has cared about a woman. When he doesn't care - no problem....shoots off like a rocket."

He probably should see a therapist on this. This might get worse as time goes on as it seems emotionally based. Tint of something like the Madonna Whore syndrome where guys have sexual desire for bad women but not good married women. He might be starting to put you up on a pedalstal and when the 'in-love' chemistry fades away later in the relationship and sexual desire isn't as high, he might find he has a hard time even getting things going.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-26-2005
Mon, 10-09-2006 - 11:23am

The thing is, you CAN'T help him. He has to help himself. You don't need to feel guilty, he's told you it's not your fault, he keeps coming back for more, so don't you think he's enjoying it too? If he wasn't, he'd be gone.

Whatever his "hangup" is, it's something that HE needs to fix. You can't. Maybe he needs professional help....but that's up to him to get it. You can't do it for him.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-01-2006
Tue, 10-10-2006 - 6:11pm
This is so my relationship. My bf gets me to cum so many times I have to stop him. I have tried everything orally, manually, forwards, backwards everyway I have thought of and then some. After a little more than a year he occaisionally cums with me, ussually not. He is by far the best lover I have ever known and he tells me the same and I have been very willing with whatever he wants to try, even going to strip club first. I have never been so in love. But i do feel like I am failing him each time. I have no ideas left. But on one hand I seriously never knew sex could be so exciting, and loving all at the same time.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-25-2003
Tue, 10-10-2006 - 8:40pm
Again, thanks to all who replied. It is HIS problem, even though I am more than willing to help. He knows HE needs to seek professional help. The whole MadonnaWhore thing makes sense..............wow....to think that I'm on a pedastal on his eyes :D.....lol....
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-26-2005
Wed, 10-11-2006 - 9:26am

You are NOT failing him in any way. It has nothing to do with you, and you can't fix it. It's up to him. He has some kind of emotional block, and if he can't work it out on his own, then he has to get professional help with it, or live with it.

If you never had orgasms, despite all his attention, then it wouldn't be his fault, either. He is responsible for his climax, just as you are responsible for your orgasm.

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