Awkward Situation

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-24-2004
Awkward Situation
12
Sat, 10-30-2004 - 11:12pm
Is it possible for a guy to enter you from behind (like you're bending over a desk or something) in your anus and him not know it's not your vagina? In other words, would a man know the difference between the anus and the vagina? I'm with a new boyfriend and I'm afraid he thinks he's entering my vagina when he does this, however he is not. I'm not really sure how to ask him or discuss this with him.

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Avatar for katmandoo2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 10-31-2004 - 1:55am
HIGHLY unlikely! And this is YOUR body so if this isn't something you want to happen to it, speak up.

And I hope he's not going back and forth between unprotected anal and vaginal sex because this opens you up to all kinds of bacterial infections.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-24-2004
Sun, 10-31-2004 - 6:53am
Oh heavens no! I'm aware of the risk of going from anus to vagina. We have had sex 4 times and two of these times he has been in the "back door", but he talks like maybe he thinks I can get pregnant from this. Case in point, right before our first vaginal sexual encounter (our first time was anally) I said no, it's too risky, and he said "Well you didn't think about that the first time". I was like huh? Putting two and two together in my mind I realized that maybe he thought he was in the vagina the first time. I do realize there is a very small likelihood that I would become pregnant after having anal intercourse, but only if the semen would seep down into the vagina. I dunno, maybe he knows he was entering my anus, but maybe thinks you can get pregnant that way too. I'm just confused and too shy to come right out and ask him.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2003
Sun, 10-31-2004 - 7:38am
This is probably going to come off as lecturing, but I honestly don't mean it that way. I do mean it emphatically though - USE SOME BIRTH CONTROL!!!!

This sounds like a fairly new relationship - you've only had intercourse 4 times and two of those were anally? That's pretty risky action for partners who don't know each other that well. If you can't even talk about sex, or BC or pregnancy, then you two need to slow down until you can. There's no reason to be embarrassed about it, but if you can go through with the intimacy of him putting his penis in various orifices, you should at least be able to talk about it! I'm betting he hasn't had any testing, so you don't know what you're being exposed to. Girl, you are taking some chances.

If you're going to have sex and you're not ready to be a mommy, then be responsible and get on some reliable BC. Have him wear condoms, until you know him better and you BOTH have been tested. And get comfortable talking to him about sex.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-27-2004
Sun, 10-31-2004 - 4:50pm
He knows exactly where he is going and will continue unless you stop him.

You are having sex with this guy and are too shy to discuss this with him? It sounds like you jumped into a sexual relationship before getting to know each other.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-24-2004
Sun, 10-31-2004 - 5:00pm
Bayou-Yes, unfortunately we skipped the getting to really know each other and right into a sexual relationship. I blame myself, as I am very lonely and just crave that kind of closeness.

Tally-That's why I asked for y'alls opinions. No worries. I have already decided to get on the pill, but that can't happen until my period. And I have bought a supply of condoms and keep them beside my bed (this is something I've NEVER done and am 36 YOA). I've been on the pill all the times before and in exclusive relationships, never with someone who I hardly know.

I feel like a fool and need to take a step back and re-evaluate things I think.

Paula

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2003
Sun, 10-31-2004 - 9:12pm
You're not a fool - we've all made choices that weren't the best. It happens.

Really, I think you hit the nail on the head - take a step back and think it over. Not that it can't be a good. But if he's in his 30s and you're in your 30s, you both probably have *some* experience. (and to echo the other posters, yes, he knows where he is!) I just hate to see anyone take chances like that.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2001
Sun, 10-31-2004 - 9:35pm
Yeah, he knows where he is.



I think that he probably considers anal sex just as risky as vaginal sex because semen can go everywhere - dripping, squirting or whatever - and your vagina is only centimetres away.

Like the others have said, if you've got to the stage where you can have anal sex with someone without even being sure that they know they are having anal sex, then something in the relationship needs to be reconsidered.

If it's closeness that you want, I suggest that a hug might be a better way of getting intimate quickly. Don't feel like a fool - we all do some stuff in the heat of passion that afterwards we have thought maybe it wasn't such a great idea.

Avatar for katmandoo2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 10-31-2004 - 11:08pm
I'm confused. Did you intend for your 1st time together to be anal sex? Was this by choice or just because he seemed to have bad aim?

It sounds as if he believes that a woman can get pregnant anally though. You need to educate him.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-13-2004
Mon, 11-01-2004 - 12:33am
Just incase you're still not sure about whether or not he knows where he is......consider that if he's entering you from behind, he can see where he is. Most guys like to watch penetration from that angle.

I'm with the others - if you are close enough to be having sex, you're close enough to have a discussion about what you like. It doesn't have to be anything deep and meaningful. A simple "Oy! I don't want it in me bum" will suffice.

Dress Up Games, Doll Makers and Cartoon Dolls @ The Doll Palace
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2004
Mon, 11-01-2004 - 11:50am
The only times this has happened between me and a partner is when things are extrememly wild and body parts are extrememly turned on (wet). It's happened and gone right in sometimes, but there is usually a pause once it's in the other place because of my reaction to it. It can happen, but it's not the norm.

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