Awkward with someone new?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-09-2004
Awkward with someone new?
4
Tue, 03-13-2007 - 6:25pm

Is it common for the first time with a new partner to be awkward? I met a guy about this time last year and slept with him sooner than I should've (I knew I wasn't ready), and it was...not good. He broke up with me a couple of weeks later, and I've often wondered if that was why (we did it a second time, and it was much better, but that was it). He came back a few months later, and we started dating again...but we never had sex again. We fooled around, but no sex. He recently ended things again, after eight months of this, and I asked him why we weren't sleeping together. He said he figured if we didn't it would keep us from getting close (he has massive commitment issues that he's honest about), but he also said that he has never experienced something like our first time together. That he has never had sex that awkward before.

Needless to say, my ego went down the drain. I can't stop obsessing about this and worrying that I'm terrible in bed. He's the only guy to have said this to me, but...but...

It's normal for it to be awkward at first, right? Or at least understandable?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-12-2006
Tue, 03-13-2007 - 11:30pm

Don't even think about what he said! He's a JERK! You shouldn't have gone back with him the second time!

Yes, it's ALWAYS awkward with a new partner, and it doesn't matter if you've been with 100 other men! Every man is different, every woman is different, plus it's just not comfortable at first. You don't know what he wants, he doesn't know what you want, you don't know his hot spots, he doesn't know yours. After a few times, you know each other better, you can talk more freely, and you're more comfortable with each other.

It is perfectly normal that the first few times are kind of "blah"....you get better every time.

Don't EVER let a stupid remark from a jerk of a guy who's not interested in a relationship with you bother you. Have faith in yourself, and have confidence in yourself.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-19-2006
Wed, 03-14-2007 - 9:49am
I don't think he should have made a comment to you like that. Being with someone new can be awkward, especially if you have not had many partners in the past. It's more likely that he isn't good in bed, or that the two of you were not ready to be intimate. Chalk it up to his loss, your gain, and don't let it pull you down.


iVillage Member
Registered: 12-20-2004
Wed, 03-14-2007 - 9:55am
Wow what a jerk that guy is....Maybe it was him who made it awkward. Sex doesnt always have to be awkward the first time, as I have had awesome first time sex. I will say this, most people like about the same things.(or are willing to try) It is the people who are really different from the norm that can lead to awkward sex. People can not read the others mind, and lets face it, many times first time sex communication lines are not always open. Remember there are usually non-verbal signals people can and do give during sex that says they like what is going on or they dont. Part of being a good lover is paying attention to the signals.
Let me ask you this, in what way was the sex with this guy awkward? Did you keep bumping heads, did he keep falling out, hard time getting it in, could he keep it up?..Tell us what made it awkward and maybe we could figure out what the problem was.
First time sex is a little like a first time dance partner..If you both know how to do the same dance, it will go pretty good, but if one person knows only how to do a different version, it can lead to sore toes....lol (no ,I`m not a dancer). Higher level volleyball is another good example. If the players know how to play the game, and understand the signals and opportunities, they can play pretty well together, but throw
in someone who doesnt know the game, and they might be lost on the court.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-09-2004
Fri, 03-16-2007 - 6:32pm

Thank you guys SO much for your reponses. I feel a lot better. I thought it was a pretty jerky thing to say, but I was still having trouble with it.

In terms of how it was awkward...it's hard to explain. It was just a lot of silence, you know? Like when Carrie and that guy from "Office Space" hooked up on SATC, if you watched that...it just felt off. I think he was expecting lots of dramatics from me or something, but I was nervous. I'm really not sure. I think it wouldn't have seemed so awkward to me if not for how he reacted afterward, when he was quiet and not cuddling (unlike how he'd been up to that point).

But whatever the case, I do feel better now. I don't know if this guy has ever had a REAL girlfriend (though I know he has slept around), and he was the first guy I'd been with since ending a five-year relationship (and that guy never complained). So it makes sense that I was nervous, I think, and if he couldn't get over that...then it's his loss. Maybe he's just used to a different type of woman since he does a lot of one-nighters and such, and I don't.

Thanks!