Back When You Were a Virgin: Interested?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-03-2004
Back When You Were a Virgin: Interested?
8
Tue, 07-04-2006 - 1:53am

I am an older virgin. I have been waiting for marriage. I am extremely interested in sex, know a lot about my body, and can feel arousal and orgasm very easily. I am very interested in men and trying many things in a sexual relationship. Sometimes I feel like a little bit of an odd bird because I have such a strong interest in it. I suppose it is because I am used to hearing about virgins who are not interested or have no idea what to have an interest in at all.

How many of you had a strong interest in sex and/or had orgasms as a virgin? Was this a good indicator of how interested you would be in sex when you actually participated in it? Was it what you expected or better?

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2001
Tue, 07-04-2006 - 2:04am

I suppose that I'm giving you a male perspective and I lost my virginity at a fairly early age - but all the same I'll throw my two cents in. I don't think that there is anything wrong with being interested in sex even though you are a virgin. Just because you've decided to keep your virginity for a while doesn't mean that you shouldn't have a strong interest. Anyone that isn't having sex has a strong interest in having it!

The only thing that I'd say is that imagining what sex is like - the fantasy if you like, and the reality are often two different things. Like any fantasy your mind controls exactly what happens, the scene - everything. Reality is different, you have little control and sometimes even little control over your own responses and mood. Sometimes it takes time to get to know your partner and for both people to learn what works for one another. So the first encounter can often be a bit of an anticlimax and perhaps even disappointing when held up to the fantasy. However with time it gets better. I guess that I'm just saying that you need to remain open and willing to learn when it comes to that time when you do decide to give up your virginity.

Avatar for sugarbeat
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 07-04-2006 - 3:01am

although i think i had a great first time experience because i was with someone i cared about who cared about me, physically it wasn't all that great...it was actually weird that something that was causing my boyfriend pleasure was causing me pain. the biggest part that i still remember was how emotional i was afterwards, not toward my boyfriend necessarily just in general -- afterwards i just went to the bathroom and cried. it wasn't because anything bad had happened, it was just this crazy emotional experience. there's all this build up and expectation for all those years and then just like that your virginity is gone and you can't go back (not that you would want to, but there is some sense of loss). i think it is a completely different experience for men and women.

in my early sexual development sexuality for me was more about curiousity than pleasure. i never masturbated until my first boyfriend and i broke up and i was left to my own devices. being that you are an older virgin it would only make sense that you would masturbate and have more sexy thoughts than a younger person since all the hormones and urges are more developed.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2004
Tue, 07-04-2006 - 8:42am

I had sex for the first time at 19 yrs old.


bounxh0a-1.gif picture by dillbyrd

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-26-2005
Tue, 07-04-2006 - 10:20am

It's completely normal and natural for any human being over the age of puberty to be interested in sex, and/or to have sexual feelings.

Until you've actually participated in sexual activity, the thoughts and ideas that you have are based in fantasy. What you see in movies and what you read in romance novels is NOT reality. Reality is very different. Real life sex isn't romantic music, beautiful settings, etc. It's more just two humans satisfying their urges......hopefully two human beings that care deeply about each other, and are expressing that sexually. Unlike movies, when it's over, you're tangled in sheets, your hair is standing on end, any makeup you might have had on is gone, you're sticky and sweaty......and you're happy.

Do your thoughts now mean that you'll be very interested in sex when the time comes? That depends on many things. It depends on your feelings for the person you're with, it depends on that persons feelings for you, as well as his knowledge of a woman's body.

For most women, the first few times are often a disappointment.....but as you get to know the person better (in the biblical sense), and he gets to know you better, it gets better. A good sexual relationship consists of not only "doing it"....but of giving and getting pleasure from it. It doesn't work if one only gives, and the other gets.

Since you're "saving" yourself for marriage.....you also need to understand that when you find the man you want to marry, there is a lot MORE to marriage and a good relationship than sex. Sex is only a part of the equation. Most divorces don't happen because of bad sex, or lack of sex, but because of other relationship problems, like finances, children, lack of communication, etc.

If you find yourself in a good relationship, chances are the sex will be good. But, if you have a good sexual rapport, that doesn't mean that it will be a good relationship outside of the bedroom. I congratulate you for having the self respect to wait. However, sometimes when women become sexually active earlier in life, they learn to separate the sexual feelings from fantasy, and realize it's just a part of life. They don't judge a prospective partner by the sex, but by what the person is like in ALL aspects of life, not only the bedroom.

By all means, your interest in, and curiousity about sex is normal and natural. Just doon't let the interest and curiousity cloud your judgement about all the other aspects of a relationship with someone you consider special.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-24-2006
Tue, 07-04-2006 - 3:57pm
I am not sexually experienced, but I still know a good amount of information/tips about sex. I have open conversations with close friends, and read a lot. I am interested in sex related topics, and open to learn as many new things as I can. Many of my friends had sex at a young age, and found themselves clueless in bed. I challenge myself not to be stuck in that same situation.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-28-2006
Wed, 07-05-2006 - 10:45am
Sure it's a good indicator. Just keep in mind that the "real" experience will take some time to get up to speed and be really satisfying (it's true what they say about the first time(s) likely being about mechanics more than being a rip-roaring good time) so as long as you don't have elevated expectations for the beginning stages of a sexual relationship (when you start one) you'll eventually enjoy sex a lot. I thought everyone had great interest in sex/passion as soon as they were into puberty but now I've heard of people having no interest until they start actually having a sexual relationship. Sorry if I offend anyone, but that seems abnormal to me. I don't think I would have ever been motivated to have sex if it was not on my mind and if I was not filled with urges (I'm female, by the way, and didn't start having actual sex till age 18 after a year of a physical relationship, making out intensely etc., which was preceded by a six years or more of intense crushes on males, even if those crushes didn't feature specific sexual fantasies - maybe more nebulous ones that included kissing, being close etc., but pretty strong, persistent fantasies. If you're asking if every female fantasizes about actual intercourse before becoming active, I'd say no, but I'd say that fantasizing intensely about physical closeness is essentially the same thing, specifics don't really have to be included.)
Avatar for katmandoo2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 07-06-2006 - 8:33pm
I have always been interested in sex even before I was sexually active. And yes, I think it's something that stays with you even after you do become sexual. Sex was better than I expected....after I fell in love.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-03-2006
Fri, 07-07-2006 - 3:30pm

I've always been interested. I loved to touch myself and explore my body, I learned what felt good that way. I wanted to have sex, but I waited for my fiance. We were going to wait for marriage, then one thing led to another. We talked about it and we were ready to share that beautiful experience together. I think I'm more open to things because of the way I was when I was virginal. I was sexual, interested, intrigued. I'm very adventurous behind closed doors, or even outside lol. and WE have fun! I'm a quiet, reserved, girl next door type, but when I'm aroused, I'm a wild sex sorceress! Well now I'm babbling. Fridays.............=D

Wait for the one! It'll be worth it =D