Bad boys?..whats the attraction?

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anonymous user
Registered: 12-31-1969
Bad boys?..whats the attraction?
98
Mon, 09-20-2004 - 4:58pm
Is it true that many women want a really nice guy, but only after they have had their brains screwed out by all the bad boys they can handle? What is the attraction of a male slut, who treats a woman so poorly?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-20-2004
Tue, 09-21-2004 - 10:48am
Maybe he's not or was never your typical bad boy. This is from Askmen.com

The typical Bad Boy:

is cocky, arrogant

always puts himself first

is inattentive to a woman's needs

does what he wants when he wants to do it, regardless of what anyone else thinks

acts like a loose cannon

struts his masculine sexuality

isn't even remotely a "nice" guy

treats women badly

often uses women for sex

**the most important thing here is he "treats women badly." Generally speaking, how a person treats you, does not always determine their character. I woudln't look at this from only how a person treats you, but also and most importantly how they treat others. I would have a problem with a person who can be a sweetheart to me and my family, but talks down to the waitress and treats women in general with disrespect. It may eventually bite you back. Can someone make a complete personality change? I think so, but I believe to do that, it has to be across the board, not just situational(only when they benefit from it{which is typical of selfishness}).


Edited 9/21/2004 10:59 am ET ET by prettyinpurple2004

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-15-2003
Tue, 09-21-2004 - 11:34am
HD,

I sense behind this question that you are still struggling with your wife's past. This line of questioning that you've posted is not going to help.

THere are two files in the human mind that most of us misuse: File one - "Things I can do something about" FIle two - "Things I can't Do anything about". You have misfiled your wife's past in the "Things I can do something about". Consider re-filing and using all of the energy that you will save by focusing on FIle one...things you can do something about: Like being loving and supportive, finding your way in the world, finding how you can serve your fellow man, learning to be a better husband or lover or friend...I think you know what I mean.

Every moment offers us the choice between a miracle and a grievance. Quit choosing the grievance and you will be much more happy. If you keep focusing on what happened in the past (before you every met her), you will miss everything that is happening now...and that is all that there is my friend.

Peace.

Scott.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2004
Tue, 09-21-2004 - 11:53am

A few things I completely disagree with you on in my opinion.


bounxh0a-1.gif picture by dillbyrd

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-08-2004
Tue, 09-21-2004 - 3:08pm
Tish, I respectfully disagree and maybe my wording was off the mark. All I meant was, this guy has had many many women in the past, so when he met me, it was like, "ok, what's her story, she's kind of sexy and attractive," without a whole lot more. To put it directly, he was probably like, it feels good to screw her and there ya have it. BUT, over the intervening weeks, he has realized there's tons and tons more. And he likes it and I feel great about myself that he does. So no worries. Not that self-esteem was ever a problem, but it's just that much better now. Now he's much, much more humble and sincere with me than he was at first ... and now it's so amazing to be treated like a queen. You know? He knows he -could- probably just use me because i like him that much, but he now chooses not to because I think -he's- surprised at how much it turns out that he likes me. Please don't think I'm a doormat, or unhappy, or feeling used, etc. in the least -- I'm not! It's all fine! I hope that didn't come out sounding ridiculous.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-20-2004
Tue, 09-21-2004 - 3:22pm
Well, to be honest w/ you, I was always attracted to bad boys... I'm in my 20's, married and have a 3 year old boy. I met my now husband when I was 16, and moved in with him by 17. He is H O T !!! Likes motorcycles, smoking, some occasional drinking, and lots of parties. But, he is a good bad boy (huuuh???) he is great in bed, a great dad, and an owesome person. I would not trade my bad boy for nothing.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-20-2004
Tue, 09-21-2004 - 3:34pm
Yes, that's what I meant by bad boy(image). Many people assume that because a man is a rebel type of guy(smoker, motorcycles, tatoos, drinks more than he should, partier) that he's a "bad" person....not so. A player on the other hand, could be a CEO of a big outfit, wear designer suits, not drink or smoke, have no tatoos, very reserved, but treat women like they're second class citizens.
Visitor (not verified)
anonymous user
Tue, 09-21-2004 - 4:25pm
yasmin, Ive always wondered why women like that type of man. Ive always been a good guy. I remember way back Id be interested in a woman and she would have her sights on some misguided loser.I guess Im considered nice looking,ex college athlete. I dated my share of women. But I was always amazed at who some of the women went for.And in many cases, really nice women went for these guys.
Visitor (not verified)
anonymous user
Tue, 09-21-2004 - 4:38pm
Green tea, I do agree with your obsevations about lack of maturity and self esteem. But what you said about them not knowing the difference between hot sex and respect is also very true. They probably see excitement and sexuality from these guys....If they only knew that good guys can be pretty hot too...but some women seem to find that out late, once they grow up.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-20-2004
Tue, 09-21-2004 - 4:55pm
It is so not about self esteem! I dated a couple of nice guys (some of them nerds) but the thrill of being w/ a "bad boy" was more appealing. the thrill of not knowing what's next, the excitement of adventure, the fact that most of them don't care about what other people think about them, is what brought me where I am... happily married to a BB who is still bad, but also very, very good. (In every aspect)
Visitor (not verified)
anonymous user
Tue, 09-21-2004 - 4:59pm
Scott, I really like your posts, lots of thought and knowledge. Do I occationally think about my wifes past...Yes... Is it a big issue..No What she did 10 years ago in college, if done today, would be very very out of character for her. Since college she has had only relationship sex. Before she met me, she hadnt had sex in a year and a half. We were friends first, before we realised there was something more there.( she told me about her past when we were just friends)

I think she had told me one of bf`s was a bad boy, but it wasnt her past that promted this bad boy posting. In fact it may have been some things that I observed in the past that inspired it.

I know that one cant change the past, and I also know that people can and do change their patterns of behavior. In many cases its called maturity.

I dont think Im any different than most men (or women for that matter).Who hasnt wondered about your mates former lover at one time or another? I think its a natural curiosity. It becomes an unhealthy obsession if one constantly dwells on it, and it affects their current affairs. Her past hasnt affected my view of her at all, Im blessed to have her.

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