Bad boys?..whats the attraction?

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anonymous user
Registered: 12-31-1969
Bad boys?..whats the attraction?
98
Mon, 09-20-2004 - 4:58pm
Is it true that many women want a really nice guy, but only after they have had their brains screwed out by all the bad boys they can handle? What is the attraction of a male slut, who treats a woman so poorly?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-18-2004
Mon, 10-04-2004 - 9:54pm
>>I hope that didn't come out sounding ridiculous.


It did.

This statement here:

>>He knows he -could- probably just use me because i like him that much


..says volumes about you. He could probably use you if he wanted to. A woman with dignity and self esteem would not allow herself to be used by a man.

You, like many women, love "men" more than you love yourself. I used quotes because I don't know that you actually love THIS man, though I am sure you think you do (personally, I don't think that true love can be determned in the space of a few months, but that is another thread / post). You love FEELING like you do with this person...you crave wanting to be accepted, you crave wanting "win someone over". This is what attracts you (by your admission) to bad boys...someone who accepted you immediately without you having to "win them over" would not statisfy this need of yours...hence your comment regarding how you don't like that "nice guys" actually care about you.

The good thing is though that women like yourself typically come with huge warning signs, so that "nice guys" can avoid you in the first place. Or even not so nice guys (like me) are smart enough to never get emotionally invested. I've known your "type" before, sometimes your type is lots of fun (that low self esteem thing makes for some great adventures in the bedroom sometimes), but ultimately, when time comes to forge a relationship with someone, guys with good sense turn to a woman who is a complete and whole and healthy person.

All that notwithstanding, I am glad for you that you are enjoying the roller coaster ride of bubble baths and hot sex. If that is all what you want in life, then it is great that you have found it.


Edited 10/6/2004 11:23 am ET ET by ivmalealterego

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-18-2004
Mon, 10-04-2004 - 10:19pm
>>Sex and affection are basic human needs.

Sex is not a basic human need. People go without sex all the time, sometimes by choice, sometimes not by their choice. If it were a need...like air or water or food, they would die.

Sex is not a need. It is a desire. People CHOSE to have sex, and those who have self control often chose not to have sex.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-18-2004
Mon, 10-04-2004 - 10:29pm
The problem with this is that while some women make these "mistakes", many women do not.

Isn't there something that distinguishes these two groups? Do you really think it can just be summarized as simply being naive? If that is so, then why do these women often repeat the same mistake? Doesn't THAT say something about them as well, the inability to act on a lesson learned?

I think THAT is what Mike is speaking to...

Mike: Don't worry buddy...while I wouldn't have chosen exactly the words you did, I agree 100% with the sentiment. No need to shed a tear over a woman who is involved with someone who clearly isn't "like you". You aren't her type, and she isn't yours either...

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-20-2004
Mon, 10-04-2004 - 11:12pm
So what does anyone care? If they're not your TYPE then they're not. Move on. Why do people judge and criticize others? These two may be as happy as two pigs is sh!t. I thought about this post tonight. I was waiting in my car for someone to come out of Dunkin Donuts and it was night, and the way I was faced, I had a full view of the whole store. A couple went in. He looked like a typical bad boy, tatoos all over him, tough guy persona and she was a knockout. She was latin but her face was flawless, and her body was beautiful, voluptuous. She was probably around 20-21 and he was around 24-25. I noticed as they were walking in that he was all over her, but not in a loving way, in a groping way. OK, PDA, nothing I haven't seen before. Then she goes into the icecream display, opens the door and bends down. He comes up behind and and begins GRINDING her! Rubbing himself into her, right in front of everyone. Then while they were waiting on line, he was touching her everywhere. She kept pulling back, but she was coyly laughing and enjoying his attention. They were made for each other. So what! Who cares. They're oblivious. They have no idea what's in store for them. He has little respect for women and she'll find out soon enough. Because he has little respect for her, all that attention will eventually stop(because this isn't about true love, it's a relationship built on lust), and he start cheating, and most likely abusing her. She'll wonder what happened to the tough guy who used to adore her. It may take her just 1, for some it's 2, and yet for some it's 3, but eventually most of these women get cured. If you think logically about it, all this is a superficial arrangement. They're so caught up in the physical attraction, that they really don't care how they're treated because they're fulfilling a strong sexual urge. Just as he is. Do you think he's choosing her for her mind? Physical relationships(even good ones)rarely last, because sex does not a relationship make. Most of what I've witnessed, is that most of these women wise up, grow up and their experiences keep them from ever trusting another bad boy, whereas most of the bad boys, never change. You'll see them at 50 something, still cheating and still beating the women they supposedly love to a pulp. They really don't like women, they're just objects to them, and are to be treated as such.

Shed some tears for her, because hopefully she'll get out before she's marred for life by his beatings or his mistreatment of her kills whatever self-esteem she had(yes, many of these women have good self-esteem when they meet him and in many cases). He on the other hand, never had self-esteem which is why he needs to treat women badly to make himself feel macho and in control. I would advise any woman to avoid them like the plague, but I wouldn't necessarily tell a man to avoid a woman who's had a bad boy. She most likely became stronger for it. Wisdom is power.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-28-2004
Tue, 10-05-2004 - 12:47pm
Men who hide behind a claim to respect women scare me more than any other men out there! If you aren't a man, I'm doubly appalled. If you are, you and Mike are absolutely the type of men I would run like Flo-Jo from. Tattoos, Harleys, cigarettes, alcohol, rock and roll, rap, flashy cars, jewelry, clothes and on and on-DO NOT necessarily a bad boy make. A bad boy is just that---a scared little boy trapped in a man's body. A man can dress in Dockers, polo shirts and Bass loafers and still be a bad boy. It isn't about the outer appearance so much as what's inside, or the lack thereof. I wouldn't necessarily recommend that a decent respectful man go out and marry the first woman that has bad boy issues. I DO NOT, however, believe that ANYONE had the right to demean these women. Condesending, holier than thou attitudes definitely perpetuate the disrespect of women displayed by all types of men. Further, abuse occurs in many forms. Physicality is only one. Words and attitudes are equally damaging when misused. I agree that women who continue to ignore life lessons have negative issues to work on. When I spoke of naievete, I was speaking personally. I also meant to suggest that SOME women fall into negative relationships because of that naievete, of not having any negative examples to possibly deter that behavior, and because they rebel against the positive examples they have been given. I'm so very curious as to why there is so much animosity(from the "healthy" men here) toward the women and virtually none toward the men who obviously have negative issues as well. And incidentally I personally believe there's no need to shed tears over ANYONE who chooses not to like with me for whatever reason. There are entirely too many wonderful people in this world to waste time worrying over someone who fails to recognize that I'm one of them!
Visitor (not verified)
anonymous user
Tue, 10-05-2004 - 1:33pm
Heres my take to my original question

<<>>>


Initilly, it is probably a sexual attraction. Some women may do it once or twice because they are naive. They learn and move on to nice guys.

Some women see it as a challenge, and they think they can change the guy (most likely wont happen).They too learn from the experience and move on.

Then there is the woman who goes from bad boy to bad boy several times. Probably a low self esteem here.

Sex, being naive,challenge, low self esteem, and I`m sure there could be a mix of each in all cases.

Some mentioned a holier than tho attitude by some men who look down on these women.

I guess what amazes me is the fact that some women feel they can go out a screw tons of guys, bad boys or not ,and then expect a nice guy to understand. To each his/her own.


iVillage Member
Registered: 10-05-2004
Tue, 10-05-2004 - 2:20pm
Hey HUmpdaddy i can say this i just rid of an idiot like that and he hurt me but he treated me real sweet first but then when i said yes to marry him he turned to be a real

jerk.Miss_Attitude
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-30-2004
Tue, 10-05-2004 - 2:29pm
I agree.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-05-2004
Tue, 10-05-2004 - 4:16pm
I can't say that I'm specifically attracted to "bad boys" but yes, I have known a couple intimately in my life. I was crazy about both of them. They just had this certain "something" that drove me wild. I think part of it was a confidence in their sexuality and their ability to please me. Of course, I've known "nice guys" too but I didn't feel the passion that I felt for J. and S.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-28-2004
Wed, 10-06-2004 - 9:48am
<>

Hmmmm, does THIS ever smack of the conventional double standard?! I'm equally amazed at the number of men in general who screw TONS and TONS of women then expect to find the "Vestal Virgin" when they try to settle down. There's no reason to share how many people one has slept with unless it continues while in a relationship and/or brings health issues into play. Both men and women tend to get too worked up over past encounters of a partner. We all make mistakes. We all would do well to learn from them then leave them where they belong---in the past. I do agree to each his own. :0)

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