Bad boys?..whats the attraction?

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anonymous user
Registered: 12-31-1969
Bad boys?..whats the attraction?
98
Mon, 09-20-2004 - 4:58pm
Is it true that many women want a really nice guy, but only after they have had their brains screwed out by all the bad boys they can handle? What is the attraction of a male slut, who treats a woman so poorly?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-18-2004
Wed, 10-06-2004 - 11:13am
Run all you wish...as I already established, the fact that you have the history you claim means you aren't my type anyway, so no love lost.

>>I'm so very curious as to why there is so much animosity (from the "healthy" men here) toward the women and virtually none toward the men who obviously have negative issues as well.

I don't sleep with or have intimate relatiobnships with men. I don't care what they do.

Essentially, your rant says that I should ignore a person past, and not make decisions about them and their failure to make appropriate decisions in the past in their life.

Personally, I think past behavior is the best predictor of future behavior. And in regards to MY life, political correctness is utterly without value. Messed up women are to be avoid like the plague in regards to intimate relatrionships and emotional investment. Just like Mike said, they suck and drain the life out of a person with their whining and failures and need for acceptance. Judge them, don't judge them, whatever. I AVOID them and the walking failures they are.


Edited 10/6/2004 8:52 pm ET ET by ivmalealterego

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-18-2004
Wed, 10-06-2004 - 11:17am
I'm married to a woman I have respect for and we have plenty of sex, thank you very much.

In regards to what I felt in the past for the women you describe, I'd say it was...like sex. Duh.

I have contempt for losers in general, but since I am not a homosexual, I don't have sex with loser men. That leaves loser women and women who have respect for themselves. Since sex is just that...sex...I saw no rason to not have sex with the loser, just no reason to enter into relationships with them. Besides, like I said, the sex often times was great from a kinky stand point....

Tell me...how come it is ok for a woman to have a sexual relationship with a "bad boy" for just the thrill, but it isn't ok for me to have a sexual relationship with a "messed up girl" for the same reasons?


Edited 10/6/2004 11:25 am ET ET by ivmalealterego

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-30-2004
Wed, 10-06-2004 - 11:34am
What are you laughing for? All you've done is shown yourself to be an unsophisticated pig who lacks enough brains to even appear to be reasonable person.

<> These two statements blatently show what you're really thinking. You can only see women as sex objects and that is the only way that you are prepared to relate to them. In the first sentence you try to dominate someone by saying that since you don't view them as a potential partner, their opinion doesn't matter. What a shallow and limmitted way to view the world.

<>

-People who lack intelligence and empathy often confuse those abilities with political correctness. You can't excuse your chauvinistic stupidity with some pseudo macho statement about political correctness. you need to stop getting your philosophy from bumper stickers that you bought at the beer store.

<>

-You are obviously trying to put someone down. people who do that generally have low self esteem and use put downs to try and build themselves up in the eyes of others. Your technique lacks subtlety and I'm afraid it isn't working. Your feeble visiousness is a sign of your desperation. I bet your little head is filled with images of girls that you could never get and that you now resent. Pretty sad, dude.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-18-2004
Wed, 10-06-2004 - 12:42pm
See previous post re: intellectual superiority and seeing more of the world beyond your neighborhood and friends.

Where the hell did you get that I "hate someone for having sex"? Sex is a wonderful, healthy thing. You are doing some SERIOUS projecting here.

>>"So, yeah, like sex, Duh, but what you were having didn't sound like sex to me. It sounds more like some sick-male-passive-aggressive-punishment event the way that you describe it."

Hmmm...so I guess what I am supposed to say here is "I hope none of your brothers, nephews nor sons ever have sex outside of the realm of your approval", but that would be too easy. Instead I will ask a question - is that submissive simply "exploring her sexual boundaries" while the dominant is being "passive aggressive" and "sick"? Or are you saying you shouldn't have sex with people unless you respect them enough to want to be in a relationship with them?

>>How do you sleep at night?

Typically very well, thank you.

>>"Or is it that screwing those who are "messed up" add to the kinkiness. "

In my experience, it does. :-) Being with a sexual submissive is great. But such people tend to not be the sort of person I want to be in a relationship with. Again, I don't apologize.

>>I'm sorry, but I feel for your wife.

I suspect if you were to post the details of your life here I could share them with her and she'd fell sorry for you, but what does that have to do with anything?

>>"You view women in two lights with respect to sexuality. "

Yes, yes I do. Most women view men the same way. Isn't that what this thread was about..."bad boys" versus "nice guys"? Didn’t several women post how "bad boys" were more "exciting"? Get over yourself...

>>It's very HARD for me to believe that your contempt for women isn't reflected in all of your relationships with the women around you, including your wife.

I think I said something already about needing to get out of your box and see the world beyond your own definition of what is right and wrong and how people should think and feel, so no need to repeat it here. Oh wait...I just did.

>>I would really wonder about a man who not only loves to screw women who are messed up, but also hates them for it.

Again, you are projecting your judgments and issues. I never said I hated anyone for having sex. I said I don’t' respect people who are losers...and when I said that I was thinking of their lives outside of the bedroom.

>>Screwing someone while hating them? Sounds pathological if you ask me.

Did anyone ask?

Visitor (not verified)
anonymous user
Wed, 10-06-2004 - 1:14pm
chick, I by no means referred to a double standard. Whats good for the goose....I didnt expect my wife to be a virgin, but we wouldnt be married if she had slept with half the 7th fleet either. Im sure she feels the same way.In most cases(not all) one sexual past can elude as to what baggage a person "MAY" be bringing into the relationship. Ofcourse there are several variables.Time span, reasons , etc.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-30-2004
Wed, 10-06-2004 - 1:30pm
<>

-While your previous posts do indicate that you definately live by this, bragging about your "college degrees" kind of makes you a hypocrite on this point. An I.Q. test only indicates that you can transpose shapes and do arithmetic. It says nothing about how well you can absorb knowledge and apply it inteligently and objectively to yourself and the world around you.

<>

- In spite of your degrees and your perfect spelling I notice that you don't know the meaning of the word sophistication. It is not the same as pretense and sophistication per se has nothing to do with what you drink or what you wear to dinner. That is a stale stereotype, which seems to be how you relate to the world.

<> That is easy to say, but it lacks force when all of your previous posts clearly demonstrate that is not how you act.

<>

-My lack of attention to spelling is just that. Excuse me if I didn't pop open word perfect and have it check my spelling. THAT would be pretense, FIY, and you seem to have it in abundance.

<>

What the hell is ding ding supposed to mean? The fact that you think my comments constitute a "radical feminist agenda" you're really behind the times. There is nothing radical about what I have said, and it is barely feminist. A radical feminist agenda is totaly different. How is know-it-all and insult? For the record: you are right, I totaly don't accept your point of view.

<>

-Since I'm a man I don't think your hitting very close at all. I don't have to be a woman to know when someone is hiding their mysogyny, prejudice, and stereotyping behind a thin veneer of parroted gentlemenly behaviour.

<
>>

-So now you're calling me fat? That's a good one, this is almost no work at all. If we're going to disect handles here lets do it right. phat doesn equal fat. Genes do not equal jeans. Got it? Ok then.

<>

-Too bad you don't understand the word 'species' and too bad you don't understand women.

So, you've called me fat, you've called me young, and a know-it-all, and you think that I secretly want to have sex with you, or maybe you want to have sex with me? (you wouldn't like it, mate). You've bragged that you have biceps, and you've put your foot in your mouth a few times. What you have not done is come up with a single argument that refutes anything that I have said. Instead of trying to label people or pigeon hole them into pat little categories that fit your juvenile world view, why don't you pay attention to what people are actually saying, and lay off the cheap insults. In fact, why don't you just pay attention to what YOU say? THat would be a start.

Avatar for sugarbeat
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 10-06-2004 - 1:51pm
i didn't mean a basic human need to live. however, just as with physical needs we have emotional needs, without which we starve internally. sure, if you are lacking air, food, or water you will not live, much less have a sex drive. you didn't mention anything about affection, is affection also not a basic human need? when i lack sex and affection when i want it, i find myself to be extremely irritable and have found the same to be true for others. i find people that don't get this basic need met, including myself, become unusually uptight. numerous times i have been able to tell when a co-worker or friend goes from lacking these things to getting them -- their energy becomes more open and not as edgy.

i don't understand the need to control it? unless you are a sex addict, why would you want to control it if your life is better off with it?

Visitor (not verified)
anonymous user
Wed, 10-06-2004 - 1:55pm
Phat, both of you had valid points....Let me ask you this phat. Wouldnt you agree that in many cases, past behaviors can be a predictor of future behaviors? The "normal" people who learn from the past might be excluded from prejudice. My lifes experience tells me that there are legions of people who didnt learn from the past, and are actually more messed up from the experiences they have had. Obviously not all people who were promiscuous are adversely affected by it, but there are many many scores who were/are. Many of these messed up people, who enter into relationships with an unsuspecting S.O are just relationship nightmares just waiting to happen.

I guess ones opinion can beformed from their own point of view. Ive seen way too many relationships where it was based on sex, and one or the other couldnt keep their pants on because they missed the excitement of the chase, or the varriable sex partners, or the "unknown" factor of a stranger. Much of that behavior was learned while they were sexually very active, and they never learned what a real relationship was like because they never gave a real relationship a chance, because every encounter started with sex.

My point?...the past ,in some cases , can be a predictor of the future.

Avatar for sugarbeat
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 10-06-2004 - 1:59pm
but they do understand. because the nice guy sees you as a whole person and recognizes that everything you did before made you who you are, and that is what he is attracted to. unlike the supposed bad guy who sees you as a piece of ass, the nice guy doesn't only see you as a number. i think there is a large group of nice guys attracted to 'bad girls', maybe these girls live out the lifestyle that the nice guy never could -- whatever the reason, this phenomenon goes both ways.
Avatar for marmax59
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 10-06-2004 - 3:07pm
I am new posting to this board but wanted to put in my 2 cents. First of all I think the attraction to bad boys is because he represents what the girl is not. She may follow all the rules - never miss curfew, never cut class etc. She sees the bad boy as a challenge from that routine. I think most women deep down want the guy who is going to respect them. The bad boy is more of a diversion. I know someone who is tattooed, pierced, has numerous girlfriends, and likes motorcycles. Sounds like a bad boy and I guess he probably is. However I also know he has a heart of gold, is generous, and funny. It all really depends on how you defend a bad boy. The boys who slap their women around aren't bad boys - they are abusive and that is something else entirely.

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