Bad boys?..whats the attraction?

Visitor (not verified)
anonymous user
Registered: 12-31-1969
Bad boys?..whats the attraction?
98
Mon, 09-20-2004 - 4:58pm
Is it true that many women want a really nice guy, but only after they have had their brains screwed out by all the bad boys they can handle? What is the attraction of a male slut, who treats a woman so poorly?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-06-2004
Wed, 10-06-2004 - 3:14pm
I agree, I am with a drummer right now, he has traveled the world. He has seen everything and done everything and he has told me about them all. Including drugs and women, but he is finally ready to settle down and be a family. I have a 14 year old son and he has a 25 year old son, so neither one of us wants anymore children.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-30-2004
Wed, 10-06-2004 - 3:15pm
I think I agree with what your saying. Obviously past behaviour is predictor of future behaviour. Actually I find that most people are depressingly unchanging. Since I can't date every girl I come across obviously I use certain criteria to judge who I might have a good relationship with. When a woman dates men that don't treat her well it usually means trouble, I agree. But I'm not prepared to say that she isn't worth while, or a bad person, or a loser, or a failure. I'm not going to be angry with her or say that she doesn't matter and doesn't have anything usefull to contribute. Who someone dates is only a small part of life and it doesn't have any bearing on whether I respect her in other aspects of life. Like if I have a professional colleague who I respect, I am not going to categorize her as a stupid failure and treat her badly or take advantage of her for a kinky lay if she dates a "bad boy" or if her husband hits her. How people treat others, their ability to empathize and their compassion is much more relevent to character than their dating preferences.

-phat
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-30-2004
Wed, 10-06-2004 - 3:27pm
One thing I don't really agree with is your idea that behaving promiscuously causes someone to experience a loss of character or morality. A predictor is not a cause necessarily, I think in this case it is merely an indicator. As you know I don't share your equation of morality with number of sex partners. Regardless of that, I think that peronality traits that have already developed determine peoples sexual practices. You don't make yourself into a bad person by being promiscuous just as you don't make yourself into a good person by being celebate. Someone can encourage or discourage certain habits, but I don't think these things alter the basic personality of many people. Alot of personality is based on inherited genetic factors anyway, which of course cannot be changed.
Visitor (not verified)
anonymous user
Wed, 10-06-2004 - 3:39pm
I agree in most cases sugar, however one doesnt really get to know someone very fast, so the real problems might not surface for a spell....When people enter into relationships, many things need to be shared about themselves. over time.Ones past can tell you a lot about them.......
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-20-2004
Wed, 10-06-2004 - 3:41pm
I agree Phat! "Phatgenes" slang for first-rate genes, no? ;-)
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-30-2004
Wed, 10-06-2004 - 3:50pm
Lol, yeah. Although the complete meaning has to do with an in joke btw mean and a friend who's a genetics major. It was what came to mind at the time I signed up.
Visitor (not verified)
anonymous user
Wed, 10-06-2004 - 3:58pm
phat I think we agree more often than not..In my experiences Ive seen people become "conditioned" from repeated behaviors.Almost like they expect different results from similar behaviors.So they continue to make the same mistakes over and over. Forget the good vs. evil here... look at it this way...If you were to meet two women..

Woman "A" has had two long term relationships over the last 8 years. One for 5 years, one for 2 years, and she also had a weekend fling with one man she just couldnt resist.

Woman "B" has had 3 five month relationships (discribed as long term) and 45 sex partners in the last 2 years.

Which one do you think a normal guy has a better chance of have a good solid relationship with?
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-30-2004
Wed, 10-06-2004 - 4:29pm
lol, yeah I get what your saying. Although I might have to go with B because I think A is a bit old for me. I dated a girl once who told me that she had never dated anyone for more than a month. As soon as she said that this voice in my head was like "Warning! warning!". I stuck it out for awhile but she was just crazy. There is a reason that she had never stayed with anyone very long. I remember once she borrowed my disection kit, a $30 cheapy, and when she returned it some stuff was missing. So I asked her and she said, Oh, so sorry, I'll replace it. No biggie, the stuff was only about $10 bucks to replace. Next thing I know she shows up with a deluxe $100 kit with a leather case. I objected and told her she didn't have to do that, and hey, I didn't get you anything, here, take my car. She says no no, keep it, keep it. Later I found out that she flirted all the time with some guy at the Uni bookstore who was almost stalking her at one point and that the kit and every textbook and school sweater she owned had "fallen off the truck". However, she was a virgin. So much for the coupling of promiscuity and morality.

-phat
Avatar for katmandoo2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 10-06-2004 - 4:40pm
I've always been confused by the attraction many women seem to have to bad boys, as I've never understood just what the attraction was. Many of my friends saw something in them that I didn't apparently, particularly my best friend.

I confess that it became very difficult, and then impossible, to be sympathetic when she inevitably wanted to cry on my shoulder after being devastated, once again, by these guys.

It was like watching her run headlong into a door, over and over again, and then wondering why her head hurt.

She even dumped a "nice guy" who wanted to marry her and who had always treated her with the utmost respect and love, only to date one jerk after another. Never could figure it out.

Visitor (not verified)
anonymous user
Wed, 10-06-2004 - 4:48pm
If you really meant B you have a lot to learn. A knows the value of a relationship, B knows where to find her next penis.

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