From bad to good. Is it possible?
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From bad to good. Is it possible?
| Mon, 07-24-2006 - 2:34pm |
Hello everyone. I have been lurking here for a while now, and I want to ask a question.
Is it possible to teach a man to become a good lover? I mean not only technically/physically, but also emotionally/pasionatly.
Is it possible if a woman herself does not know exactly what she wants from a technique stand point?
Thanks in advance.
Maichik

To answer your first question....Of course! I think few people, men or women, are very good lovers from the beginning. How else does one become a good lover but from the experiences with and guidance of a partner(s)! That goes for women as well.
And to answer your 2nd question....Yes, again. It's through trial and error and experiences together that we learn what works, what doesn't and what we need to be sexually fulfilled.
The willingness to experiment and communicate are essential ingredients to a satisfying sex life. You have to be willing to say what you like and what you don't but also to be open to his suggestions. It goes both ways.
Just as we learn compassion, concern and caring from our parents as children, hopefully, we can also teach a partner those things, as well. How well they learn and apply those qualities to lovemaking will vary from person to person though.
Anything is possible. Technique can be taught, unless he's a hard headed egotist. If you don't know what you WANT.....then you know what you DON'T want..then start from there. We're all different......no on can tell you what will work for you....so use your imagination. Also, check out www.the-clitoris.com which give some interesting information about womens' bodies, and how they work, and what works for most.
As for teaching him to be emotional and passionate, that's a whole different thing. People learn emotions and passion as children, and if he was in a cold and passionless family.....maybe he never learned how. You can ASK him, but it's pretty hard to change something like that, and he'd have to WANT to. Some people don't know HOW to show emotions,and some are afraid to...for fear of rejection. And just explaining that you wouldn't reject him will not make a difference.
YOu can only ask for what you want, and if you get it, GREAT. If you don't, then you have to decide if he's worth it otherwise.
Thanks for replies.
This makes me feel happy, hopefull, and very very sad all at the same time. How pathetic am I.
Hi Kat,
You are absolutly right. It is a ligitimate question. And, at least I asked. Which is a lot more then can say for my Hubby. However, I really do feel pathetic, because I litterally cannot remember if we had sex in 2006 or not.
I am basically in the process of deciding to try to make yet another attempt to get him on board of improving our sex life, but I don't seem to be able to force myself to make that step. I fell like if this time will not work, I will never find this strength again. Our sexual history is so pathetic (yes, here is that word again) that I have given up on us, but I have been so horny for past 4 or 5 months, that I cannot stand it anymore. And yet I keep telling him that I lost my sex drive just so that I don't have to have sex with him.
On the more cheerfull note, I have been lurking and reading some of your posts, and you rock.
Maichik
Have you considered couples therapy? I know that may not seem like the answer to sexual problems, but often improving the overall relationship can improve the quality of your sex life, too.
My DH and I went through some counseling years ago, for some issues I had unrelated to sex, and a great byproduct of our better communication was a revitalized sex life. We realized that other problems had creeped into the bedroom with us and had affected how we related to one another which, of course, affected our sex life.
I don't know the specifics of your problems but don't give up on better sex before exhausting all avenues. You and your husband deserve that and owe one anothe that effort.
And thanks for the compliment!