bad on top help!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-18-2006
bad on top help!!
4
Sun, 01-28-2007 - 5:33pm
whenever i have sex with my boyfriend and i try to get on top it always turns out badly
i don't really know how i'm supposed to move when i'm on top and he tells me that it doesn't feel good so i get embarassed and tell him i don't want to have sex anymore
i don't know what to do
does anybody have tips or advice?
do i just go up and down or sort of in a circular motion?
HELP!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2001
In reply to: ssgoodd
Sun, 01-28-2007 - 11:10pm

First of all, girl on top doesn't usually feel quite as good for the guy because he can't control things and do what he wants to make it feel really good for him. The angles are different and the sensation is different. But you must realise that it DOES feel good for the guy and using different positions and getting different sensations is all part of the fun of having sex. One of the best things about girl on top is that the guy can be lazy and just lie there without much effort and enjoy having your breasts close to his face and having his sexy g/f moving around on top of him. So it's not all bad - it's just different. I'm sure that he's not really saying that it's bad. He probably just meant that it wasn't feeling as intense as other positions - and even if he was complaining I don't hear that *he* was doing anything to make it better! LOL! Good sex is something that TWO people do together, not just you on your own! :-)

You've kinda got the idea already. You rock your hips back and forth - and you can do it in a circular motion if you want for variety. It's a grinding motion. You're kinda rubbing your pubic area down onto his so that your clitoris gets stimulated. A bit like riding a horse. Up and down is nice for a change but it's more difficult and more tiring for you. There's a good chance that he will slip out too if you get too fast or enthusiastic. You can also try to clench and release his penis with your stomach and pelvic muscles too. That often feels tighter and good for a guy.

There's not a lot more to it. Put your hands on his chest or shoulders for support too.
Girl on top is usually more about sensation for the woman anyway. If he wants a position with more sensation you can do what you want to do on top and then you can swap to another position and he can then do what he wants. It's all good fun :-) Don't take it too seriously. Sex is meant to be about having fun, exploring each other's bodies and finding out what works for the both of you. And like anything else in life, even sex doesn't always work like it does in the movies.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-24-2003
In reply to: ssgoodd
Mon, 01-29-2007 - 9:17am

My wife, after a bit of trial and error, has nailed this position down pretty well. What she does, after getting on top and slides me fully inside her, is short, grinding, choppy motions.

It's hard to explain without twenty seven eight-by-ten colour glossy photographs with circles and arrows, but I'll try...

For me it feels like she's pressing down hard into her "deep" spot and using the head of my penis like one of those juicers with the half fruit on a dome thingy. When she orgasms in this position, her grinding motion turns into a more stroking/milking one. Sort of like internal Shiatsu where she massages her spasming vaginal muscles with some pretty firm pressure by bending my half exposed shaft against her entroitus.

It doesn't seem like she grinds for clitoral stimulation, she's one of those that can orgasm vaginally as well as clitorally.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-16-2007
In reply to: ssgoodd
Mon, 01-29-2007 - 11:05am

Hey

I know how you feel. I was like this at first. It is quite an intimidating position because there are many ways it can be done. And the thing is, men don't always understand that it isn't always about their pleasure. I'm not saying they shouldn't enjoy it, but essentially, women enjoy it more and are more likely to reach orgasm than men are, which is the same for male dominated positions such as missionary and doggy where the men benefit more from them.

If your man says your bad at it, no wonder you are insecure about it and don't want to continue. If he says this again I would suggest talking to him about it, good sex begins with good communication skills, and he should be making you feel good about yourself and what you are doing, instead of like you are incapable. Remind him of that. Also point out that girl on top is usually more pleasurable for the woman than the man, and suggest that you do it your way on top, then he can do what he wants later on. If that doesn't satisfy him, then suggest he show you how he likes it done by holding your hips. But tell him not to start thrusting into you, because that is just annoying and not pleasurable for you, because it puts him in the driving seat.

There are three ways you can do it on top, which you prefer is up to you. It varies from girl to girl, so there really is no right or wrong way to do it. Do whats comfortable for you.

There is bouncing up and down, this is good for g-spot stimulation. You move up and down on bended knees, (this can be the most satisfying for him) and choose your speed, and depth etc. Good if you know how to stimulate your g-spot. If not, you'll not get alot out of it.

You could sway your hips back and forth, rubbing your clitoris against his pubic bone. This will certainly have you coming round the mountain in no uncertain terms. It is not as enjoyable for him, as essentially his penis stays in you whilst you do this, and there is very little stimulation, but if he is a willing and observant lover, he will adore watching you move around on top of him and touching your breasts and stuff.

Or you could sway your hips in a circular motion, like in a dance, grinding against his pubic bone, this is a variation of the above move, but I would suggest that you build your confidence up with one of the others first before trying this one.

Also remember this, just because he says you are bad on top doesn't mean you are.
Hope this helps you.

Good luck and have fun

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-07-2007
In reply to: ssgoodd
Mon, 02-12-2007 - 6:08pm
with u on top, once he is in you and erect, slowly move forward then back while lying chest to chest. so you are leaned over him. just go slow and see his reaction. me and my husband lOVE it ;)