beginner question

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-26-2004
beginner question
2
Sat, 01-06-2007 - 11:19am

I've had the unfortunate experience of having met my boyfriend on a dating website. He was my first and I thought it was the right time, but unfortunatley, he ended the relationship shortly after it happened. He lived in Chicago and was in NY on a project for his job. He said he would eventually move to NY, but whenever I saw him it was late at night during the week. I never saw him on the weekends. I think he went back home. Red flag, there, I know, but we were both tired when we met up after work and I guess the sex was quick and rushed. We never did foreplay.

Now I have a friend with benefits who is selfish, so I am clueless.

Now to my question: I think I am confusing the two. Please bear with me, I have no idea how to say this.

I know when women masturbate, they feel a very intense feeling that gets stronger the longer they pleasure themselves. Is that considered an orgasm?

I was just reading the other question titled "Curious question / women input needed" about the size of the clitoris and stimulation, etc. When a guy is with a girl, is he supposed to give her the same feeling that she gets when she masturbates? Is that an orgasm also?

Is the penis supposed to push on the g spot during intercourse or something? I can't see that happening. I guess I've only experienced it rough and fast. Is it ever slow?

Thank you for your patience and help.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-12-2006
Sat, 01-06-2007 - 11:58pm

Masturbation can produce orgasms, or just "feel good". The same thing happens when a man stimulates your clitoris, orally or manually. "They" say that if you have to ask, then you haven't had one. An orgasm is an orgasm no matter how you get it.

The "g" spot is inside the vagina, and depending on the position, it's possible for the penis to rub against it. There are "g" spot orgasms, and sometimes the "g" spot causes Female ejaculation, too.

Unfortunately, you've have two partners that didn't care about you or your feelings. What you need to do is start having more pride in yourself, and not settling for these selfish jerks. Get out and find yourself a REAL partner, one who isn't selfish, and who cares about you and your pleasure. Then you'll find out what sex is really about.....which is pleasure for BOTH partners, not some guy using your body for his own pleasure!

No one can really tell you what "good" sex is all about, it's something you have to experience for yourself. You're not going to get it from "online" quickies, or from FWB's.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2001
Mon, 01-08-2007 - 8:25pm

>>they feel a very intense feeling that gets stronger the longer they pleasure themselves. Is that considered an orgasm?<<

The women would be able to answer this better than I can, but I understand that it is similar to sneezing. The sensation starts slowly then builds and builds and then you reach a point of no return, Pow!, have a big sensation, and things relax and slowly return to "normal". You know when it's happened.

>>When a guy is with a girl, is he supposed to give her the same feeling that she gets when she masturbates?<<

It's the same and different too because someone-else is doing it. You know, tickling yourself is not the same as having someone-else tickle you. Same thing with masturbation, much the same but different too.

>>Is the penis supposed to push on the g spot during intercourse or something? I can't see that happening.<<

Not normally. The G-spot is kinda behind the clitoris and inside you. A penis doesn't normally hit that spot. Some positions will align things the right way though. Other than the G-spot most of the sensation comes from your clitoris and you'll need direct or indirect stimulation to your clitoris to really get the most from intercourse.

If you want to stimulate the clitoris in the commonly used missionary position (man on top between your spread legs) you need to ensure that the man's pubic area at the base of his penis is pressing against the clitoris. Most men have to "ride higher" than normal when they're in the missionary position to ensure that things rub together. Not very many women get a great deal of sensation from intercourse if his penis is just going in and out of their vagina. The vagina doesn't have as much sensation as the clitoris. That's why you hear about lots of women using their fingers or a vibrator during intercourse to have an orgasm. They need more direct stimulation to their clitoris than simple intercourse provides.




Edited 1/8/2007 8:27 pm ET by westridge2001