Being Dumb About Sex Saved My Sex Life
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| Sun, 05-25-2008 - 11:03pm |
Thirty years ago I was violently raped by an SOB in a white pickup truck. To top things off, he ran over me with his truck and left me for dead. Badly injured I somehow survived. I was around thirteen at the time. Every single day since then the memory of that morning stays in my head. Like my shadow I see the white truck in my every thought. For thirty years I considered myself to be a stupid fool (foolish 1) because when the guy was raping me I didn't know what he was doing. All I know was that he was hurting me, the burning pain in my butt and he was biting me on my private parts. Luckily I fell out of his truck onto the pavement and he kissed me off with the right rear tire of his truck. I've always thought to myself, "Robbie you're a dumb ass", for not knowing what he was doing, you were thirteen for gods sakes. But I've always had a happy and healthy sex life. My spouse and I have hot sex together and in my single days I don't remember having any problems. About a month ago I had written a posting for ivillage and it got me to thinking. Why do I like sex considering I had been raped. I would have thought that my rape would have had a negative effect on my sex life.

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I suspect that you've already figured it out for yourself. You don't associate sex with the crime that happened to you. In your mind it was about pain and a violent act; a violent act without any sexual connotation.
However, people also respond differently to different things too. Not everyone is scarred or emotionally screwed up by crime and violence and suffering. Maybe you've got it figured out in your head that the crime, while a sexual one, wasn't really about sex and that you have nothing to fear from consenting sex with a partner?
Aside slightly, I beleive that the British Army (I think) did a study that showed that for some people "getting over" a traumatic event and "forgetting about it and getting on with it" was better for them long-term than therapy was where you rehash and relive the event time and time again. Interesting stuff that just goes to prove that everyone is different in how they handle stuff.
I dunno really. Try not to analyse it too deeply, just be glad that it didn't screw you up and damage you more than it could have.
They say that rape isn't really about sex, it's about power!
Hi
Robbie is my nickname, Roberta is my real name. As a kid I always thought Roberta was a old person's name and thru the years everybody has gotten to know me as Robbie. Thank you for responding to my posting. Today I
I am so sorry to hear what happened to you. Are you getting help dealing with this? If you're having flashbacks, you might want to consider getting professional help. Even if you have dealt with this trauma in your own way all these years, and congratulations on being a survivor, it could be that things are surfacing for you now, and are demanding to be dealt with. Good for you, to at least be able to come out and talk about it here. There is also a message board at iVillage for survivors of rape and who suffer from PTSD.
Here is the link for the Crisis Center:
http://messageboards.ivillage.com/iv-rlcrisis
Here is the link for the Sexual Abuse Healing board:
http://messageboards.ivillage.com/iv-bhsexabuse
The CLs on those boards are wonderful and caring women, and will welcome you with open arms and give you moral support and help.
Go safely, be well, you deserve the best in your life, and it sounds as though you are in a good relationship.
Galileo Galilei
Magenta Starr – would you join me for tea?
You may wish to contact the Sidran Traumtic Stress Fountation. They will provide you (free of charge) a list of resources in your area.
The following is from their website sidranorg. Help Desk tab.
"All inquiries are kept strictly confidential. Sidran will not share information about you with anyone. When returning phone messages, the Trauma Resource Specialist will identify him or herself as calling from the Sidran Institute. No further explanation will be given about the purpose of the call. If it is safe to leave a message on your answering machine with the information you have requested, please let us know in your email, phone call, or letter.
To Contact the Help Desk:
E-mail your request
Call: 410-825-8888, ext. 203
(confidential phone messages are accepted 24 hours a day)
Write:
Help Desk, Sidran Institute
200 E. Joppa Road
Suite 207
Baltimore, MD 21286
The Trauma Resource Specialists follow the duty to warn policy. This means that if an individual makes a credible threat of violence to someone, we are bound to report that information to the authorities."
"Sorry for being a cry baby."
You are NOT a cry baby. You are the victim of a horrible crime and are trying to deal with it.
You have people here who will listen, who understand, and who care. Cry away.
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I'm definately not an expert on this.
"Aside slightly, I beleive that the British Army (I think) did a study that showed that for some people "getting over" a traumatic event and "forgetting about it and getting on with it" was better for them long-term than therapy was where you rehash and relive the event time and time again. Interesting stuff that just goes to prove that everyone is different in how they handle stuff.'
As a victim of crime I agree with the above statement you made. People have suggested that I write a book or something like that about what happened to me and I dont intend on doing that because I want to move on.
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