Is being a "little tight" bad?
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Is being a "little tight" bad?
| Fri, 11-10-2006 - 1:51pm |
Hi there,
I have been seeing a man for about 3 years now, and we have always have had a good sexual relationship.
The other night, he was inside of me. There have been times that he has told me, "you are so tight...." When we were having sex this last time, I asked him in the heat of the moment if I was "tight". He told me I was just little bit tight, but seemed "looser".
I hated hearing this! I felt like I really let him down (I know this can't be helped)
Men: Is this a big issue for you when you are havng sex with a woman? Does this change the amount of pleasure for you?
Women: Have you run into this situation before? I just don't know why sometimes I am tighter than other times....?
Any insight, please!
Thanks,
Igrl

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Plus, how did he say it?? Was it passionate or as a matter of fact?? I know in the beginning in my younger days, I would say something: "Ohhhh you are sooo tight!!!!!!!! Mmmmm yeahhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!.
The reason you're tighter at times and not at others is due to several factors but most notably, your arousal level. The more aroused you are, the more lubricated and "open" you are. Your pelvis engorges more and your vagina actually opens up more fully for penetration. So, actually, being "looser" is a good thing.
Don't worry about what you can do nothing about or what he's feeling during intercourse, let him worry about that. Concentrate on your own experience and pleasure and be a fully responsive and participatory partner.
I guess I am worrying too much about this. It was just a let down for me to hear that from him.....we do not have a "formal" relationship for lack of better words. We have a sexual relationship, and have for 3 years, sort of a "friends with benefits" deal. So, I put a lot of emphasis on our sex life, and hope that it always continues to be good for both of us.
"friends with benefits" Be careful about throwing that term out igrl30. I brought that up for discussion here many years ago and it was a disaster. I can understand it but very few others did.
As for the tightness the other posters are right.
Not at my house, it isn't.
I'm not sure what your "fear" is....are you worried that he doesn't like "tight"? Are you worried that he doesn't like "looser"? Are you worried that it varies from time to time? Why are you worried about ANYTHING? It's a FWB....it's not a lifetime commitment......OR are you hoping that's what it will become if you can get everything just perfect?
What I really don't get is why "in the heat of the moment" you are thinking about whether you're tight or loose? Can't YOU tell? Something is wrong if you're concerned with your "performance" at THAT time? Whether you're tight or loose, I'm sure that's not the kind of question he wants or expects "in the heat of the moment"! Talk about a "mood killer"! At that point, the LAST thing a guy would have on his mind is having to "reassure" you that it's good!
Again, it's a FWB.....and if he didn't enjoy what he was getting, he wouldn't be there.
Any "experienced" man will understand, as Kat pointed out, that several factors (or a combination thereof), can and DO have an effect on the level of "tightness" **felt** (not actually physically present--please note the difference).
A prime example is during ovulation. During ovulation, the consistency of the vaginal discharge usually becomes more of a clear, slippery, stretchy texture to aid the sperm in their travel. This is very different from the "normal" more watery, sometimes milky discharge that is present during other times of the month (which also varies). The consistency and amount (and yes during ovulation the amount increases as well), can have a profound effect on the "feel" of intercourse. It's really not much different than having to add lubrication to any object in order to "loosen" it. Without lubrication, it may be impossible to remove and/or even turn a millimeter....and yet, add a little WD-40 and she slips right off/in/to the right or left.
Anyhow....consistency and amount of lubrication are only "two" factors....out of many possible variables. I have had two children, have been been with the same man for almost 30 years and I still can feel "tight" -- it depends.....plain and simple. ;-)
And, as Westie has pointed out, it may not be YOU at all....it may be absolutely dependent upon the amount of "his" arousal. I have come to realize that not many women are aware of this little tidbit. Men, like women, have different levels of arousal which can and does affect the level of erection....which of course is just another "variable" to add as to why there is less "friction" felt (notice I did not say "tightness" }.
For you to even give this a second thought is crazy. Let it go. The more you "think" about what's wrong, the more that will go wrong. Another tidbit: Even though your vagina relaxes more as you become aroused, the bottom third of it will "close" the more you become aroused (engorged) and therefore create a tighter grip. You're probably not getting anywhere near that point because you're "thinking" instead of "feeling." (And yes, you can still orgasm without obtaining full arousal, just as men can).
Learn about your body....listen to it....it will serve you well to know what and how it responds to and what it does not. Once you understand it, you will stop fretting....and, instead, enjoying.
Ciao.... ;-)
Edited to fix all of the "effect" and "affect" issues.....tee hee (Even though I'm sure they're still incorrect) ;-)
Edited 11/11/2006 3:04 pm ET by rain_dancer_iam
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Dakine,
I know that he likes "tighter". In the "heat of the moment" during other sexual encounters he will say something like "you are so good and tight tonight".
So---in the heat of the moment, I turned it around and said "Am I tight, baby?" I was not trying to analyze at that point...I was actually saying a lot of sexual things, and that just came out.
I guess the comment he said after that is what is bothering me.
He said, "It feels like you have had another man." (I haven't) But given he threw it out there, I think maybe he does NOT understand why I was looser that night than other encounters.....It made me feel bad! I went with that, and then I started teasing him with the idea of me being with another man, etc...it was just the way the moment went.
However, I feel like I want to clarify this with him, and let him know that my level of arousal was the reason why I was looser. Do you think that is a bad idea?
Igrl
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