? being passive in sex

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2006
? being passive in sex
32
Wed, 06-28-2006 - 12:28pm

healthy passive in sx/IC

Women would you say for the most part you are healthy passive in sex meaning that you lay there and let him do. even though your body turns on etc. and -passive meaning that you lay there and want him to do... Let me describe what I mean..

This is what i see in my minds eye.. the scene is: she is laying on her back and he (she is kissing him) is kissing her and and he is on his side facing towards her and at one point she starts caressing his penis. He gets hard as she does it but then at a certain point he starts sticking his finger in and searching in around her vaginal entrance... He has stuck his finger in. - she is just laying there with eyes half closed and seems like she is not aware of her surroundings?. he does most of the thrusting and she still just lays there-she is not active in it or is she?). She seems to be liking him kissing her and thrusting in her and that is all she does during and after he comes.. would you say this is healthy passive?

I do see her being active when it is woman on top.. and except for doggie position I see any other position as her being passive if not show me how she isn't? I do see that the woman can and does need to stimulate herself in order to be able to have him insert himself etc. and if the need is there for her to be invovled. but it seems to me that for the most part the woman needs to be passive for orgasm to occur so that she can be relaxed in order for IC to take place even if the orgasm didn't occur at least the relax to still take place so that.. Granted she tells him what she wants but by laying there -she is "getting" what she needs to feel "good". WOuldn't the man have more strength being able to continue it and since he wants it more that he ...

women would you say for the most part 10 out of ten that you are active just in a different way by being ... even though you can be forward about sex it just happens for you in a different way... is that true for you?

It feels safe if the woman is active just as much as the man is but I see her being active like she when she is on top..

Wouldn't you say that the reason you dont actively go after it like a man does is because you are emotional and relational and you need to be turned on whereas the man can turn on more than ... Am i making sense? Do you see that as a difference and do you like that difference if you do?

Otherwise what does passive look like to you when you are doing it the healthy kind?

the orgasm helps you to relax before IC and a woman is "built" to be healthy Passive-because a woman doesn't have the strength to maintain the activeness..etc. would you say that is a difference between a man and woman and that ... in order for sex to work there has to be that passive.. granted not all the time but.. .woudl you say that it makes the man sort of want her more? It seems to me that a woman who is healthy passive a man wants her more? and usually will always seek her out more.. and most of the time she "will" give it in that vein -...

Am I making sense?

sorry it is so long.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2006
Wed, 06-28-2006 - 12:31pm

Men please respond to to this if you will..

Judith

Avatar for sugarbeat
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 06-28-2006 - 9:37pm

i'm not sure exactly what you are talking about. but i wanted to point out that even if you are on your back you can still use your body in an active way by moving your pelvis.

i tend to be the more active partner in my current relationship (i'm female). meaning if i don't take initiative all we would do is spoon and girl on top. my man is kinda passive in bed. if i suggest something he will do it, but i generally feel like i'm directing the show. it can be frustrating at times.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-26-2005
Thu, 06-29-2006 - 1:07am

There is no such thing as "healthy" passive. Passive means doing nothing, and most men aren't interested in a woman who lies there and does nothing. It doesn't "entice" him to come back for more......it bores him.

Your "mind's eye" envisions some very strange things! They are evidence of a strange obsession about what other people do during sex. That's called voyeurism, and isn't normal or emotionally healthy.

Unless and until you're in a loving relationship you will never know what YOU will do in any given circumstance. Healthy sex doesn't include making note of every move and every thought during sex. Healthy sex means responding to your partner in whatever way your psyche directs you to respond.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2004
Thu, 06-29-2006 - 7:37am

I can't imagine sex being good for either partner if the woman is just laying there.


bounxh0a-1.gif picture by dillbyrd

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2006
Thu, 06-29-2006 - 8:45am

Give me an example of what you mean by active in foreplay and IC ? The passive I talked about in that previous post is actually what I have seen ... actually saw in movie-top gun-. not that that is..

Actually the passive I am talking about is valid.

why is it that if a woman is not in the mood she has to work on thinking about sex alot in order to be able to help her self want to do it more often than not and for an example a way for her to do taht is to be almost naked all the time under clothes and or not? -the majority of women have to do this becuase the dont think or do sex like a man does... I was told that a woman needs to think about sex more so she will be able to do it since women are emotional and relational etc. not like a man is...

Most of the positions in IC except for doggie and woman on top -for the most part those others are when a woman is not necessarily the active partner.even though she is slightly.. -active to me is when she is on top.. and so on what she does when on top..

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-29-2006
Thu, 06-29-2006 - 11:15am
Until you started talking about all of the other postions, I thought you were describing my ex-wife.
At least, that is, until I inadvertantly walked in on her wreathing under my former best friend.
once.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-26-2005
Thu, 06-29-2006 - 11:37am

"actually saw in movie-top gun-." Movies are not reality. They are "entertainment".

"I was told that a woman needs to think about sex more so she will be able to do it since women are emotional and relational etc." Do you believe everything you're told? If a woman is in a good relationship, and she doesn't have any sexual hangups or repressions, she doesn't have to THINK about anything. She reacts!

The only way you will ever understand the nuances of sex is to participate in it. "Theory" is "general". Reality is individual.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-06-2004
Thu, 06-29-2006 - 12:22pm

Women are never completely passive in sex, as it is their body and choice to allow the man inside. A woman who responds by angling, thrusting back, clenching, and such provides her man with infinite pleasure. When a woman just "lays there", it's like masturbating within someone else's body.

Sex is a penetrating act. One person penetrates and the other person gets penetrated. There are going to be some differences. The key is how to join two into one complete, where there are no differences. No male and no female. That deep emotion of oneness and peace, where nobody else exists.

Avatar for sugarbeat
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 06-29-2006 - 3:20pm
it doesn't have to be seen as penetrator and penetratee...it's all in how you look at it. i've heard it described as the woman 'enveloping' the man. i know it's a bit cheesy, but i just wanted to point out the effect of language on our perception.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-06-2004
Thu, 06-29-2006 - 5:20pm

Yep, it's how you look at it. A woman 'enveloping' the man is a beautiful term.

One view is a man watches his most sensitive organ disappear, as if it is now someone else's. And the 'enveloper' can use muscles to play her 'flute', as she is now owns and is in control of the organ.

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