? being passive in sex
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| Wed, 06-28-2006 - 12:28pm |
healthy passive in sx/IC
Women would you say for the most part you are healthy passive in sex meaning that you lay there and let him do. even though your body turns on etc. and -passive meaning that you lay there and want him to do... Let me describe what I mean..
This is what i see in my minds eye.. the scene is: she is laying on her back and he (she is kissing him) is kissing her and and he is on his side facing towards her and at one point she starts caressing his penis. He gets hard as she does it but then at a certain point he starts sticking his finger in and searching in around her vaginal entrance... He has stuck his finger in. - she is just laying there with eyes half closed and seems like she is not aware of her surroundings?. he does most of the thrusting and she still just lays there-she is not active in it or is she?). She seems to be liking him kissing her and thrusting in her and that is all she does during and after he comes.. would you say this is healthy passive?
I do see her being active when it is woman on top.. and except for doggie position I see any other position as her being passive if not show me how she isn't? I do see that the woman can and does need to stimulate herself in order to be able to have him insert himself etc. and if the need is there for her to be invovled. but it seems to me that for the most part the woman needs to be passive for orgasm to occur so that she can be relaxed in order for IC to take place even if the orgasm didn't occur at least the relax to still take place so that.. Granted she tells him what she wants but by laying there -she is "getting" what she needs to feel "good". WOuldn't the man have more strength being able to continue it and since he wants it more that he ...
women would you say for the most part 10 out of ten that you are active just in a different way by being ... even though you can be forward about sex it just happens for you in a different way... is that true for you?
It feels safe if the woman is active just as much as the man is but I see her being active like she when she is on top..
Wouldn't you say that the reason you dont actively go after it like a man does is because you are emotional and relational and you need to be turned on whereas the man can turn on more than ... Am i making sense? Do you see that as a difference and do you like that difference if you do?
Otherwise what does passive look like to you when you are doing it the healthy kind?
the orgasm helps you to relax before IC and a woman is "built" to be healthy Passive-because a woman doesn't have the strength to maintain the activeness..etc. would you say that is a difference between a man and woman and that ... in order for sex to work there has to be that passive.. granted not all the time but.. .woudl you say that it makes the man sort of want her more? It seems to me that a woman who is healthy passive a man wants her more? and usually will always seek her out more.. and most of the time she "will" give it in that vein -...
Am I making sense?
sorry it is so long.

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I'm not following you....
It sounds as though you were with a man with a low sex drive? You say that you had to "run the show", what exactly do you mean? Or do you mean that he just laid there and expected you to do everything "to him?" I need details to understand more of what you're referring to.
I'm not sure what you mean by "domineering" and if it applies at all in the sense that I use the word (with respect to sex). If my husband is watching television, and I all of a sudden get an urge to fellate him and subsequently indulge, does that make me domineering? (*It's not as though I order him or bring out the whips* ;-))
I like to know what it is exactly that I'm discussing, so I would appreciate it if you could give me specific examples of what your sexual relationship was with this "passive" man. You may as well throw in how he was outside of the bedroom as well. It helps to analyze the whole situation (I like to see the parallels).
Edited 7/1/2006 9:25 am ET by rain_dancer_iam
Yes, what I meant was a guy who thoroughly enjoys sex but will lay there smiling, waiting for me to move on to the next thing or risk the whole encounter fizzling out. A guy who likes to be directed all/most of the time (as in suggestions in position change, etc.) is a turn-off. Some guys obviously like that (that's what I meant by "domineered") but it's a rare woman who'll enjoy that in the long term.
In my opinion both partners should take some responsibility for keeping things moving along. Everyone complains about the passive woman, but a passive man is no treat, either. It's my feeling that it's better if the man exhibits a strong drive to keep things moving along; his insistence, to some degree, is what can turn a woman on. Everyone knows an extreme in either direction (passivity or overbearingness) is not so great in either gender, but in my opinion it's best for the man to lean toward the aggressive side of center.
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I beleive Judith means healthy receiving as compared to being raped..unhealthy passive.
Your posts always seem to ramble aimlessly. I am never sure just what it is that you are asking.
There are times when I enjoy being passive during sex, and there are times when my hubby enjoys being passive, letting me do all of the "work." (and I love it when he lets me spoil him) But most of the time we are both just doing what comes naturally to us participating equally.
Every relationship is different, just like every human being is different. Why do you analyze everything so much?
I am sorry you see it as wandering aimlessly and i am not anaylyzing and see explantion emails. before this one
what do you mean you are passive in sex you did't give any examples when you said that you enjoy being passive in sex -what does that look like?
Judith
Judith, do you own a dictionary? If not, let me give you a few definitions:
Analyze: To resolve into it's important parts; to determine the essential features of; to study critically. Yes, you ARE trying to analyze sex, and even Freud couldn't do that properly.
Passive: Being without response to something normally expected to provoke emotion or feeling; not active; inert; distinguished from ACTIVE.
"Passive" does not LOOK like anything, because it is doing NOTHING. There are times when one partner is passive, and the other is active. That's by choice. If I tell my partner that tonight will be "his" night, he will be passive, while I will be active, I will give him a massage, I will kiss him from head to toe, I will give him oral sex, I will do anything I want to with and to his body, and he will remain passive for a while. Eventually, if you're in a caring relationship, passivity is IMPOSSIBLE. Sometimes it's "MY" night, and I will remain passive while he makes love to me.....but before long, it's impossible to remain passive, and then I participate.
But what normal people do NOT do is analyze every move or thought. You have to be detached to be analytical.....and it's much more interesting and pleasurable to participate, rather than analyze every movement and thought. It is virtually impossible to analyze sex while participating in it.
When you go out to a restaurant for dinner.....do you analyze everything that you do during the meal? Do you think about picking up the fork? Do you look at each mouthful and wonder how it will taste, and how many times you will chew it? Do you look at the meat and try to figure out how you will cut it, and how many pieces you will cut it into, or do you just CUT a piece and eat it? Do you think about how soon you will pick up the glass of water and take a drink, or do you just drink when you are thirsty. After the meal is over, do you think about each mouthful, and how it tasted? Or how many times you chewed it? Or how long it took to eat that meal? A NORMAL person just eats the meal, and when it's done, says it was a wonderful meal. (Or not so wonderful if they didn't like it....but that was because they chose something from the menu that wasn't something to their liking, not the fault of the restaurant, but your own fault for choosing wrong things!) They allow their senses of taste, smell, hunger and emotion to enjoy the meal, they do NOT analyze it.
If you want to know what sex is like, then try it.
Judith, I'm sorry, but I haven't read all of your threads. How old are you? And you've never had sex?
It could very well be you are a 16 year old or 17 year old who has a very natural interest in sex, but has not yet been involved with anyone or just doesn't feel "ready." I was extremely interested in sex at that age (and I was already engaging in it with a long-term boyfriend ). I read all kinds of books: Educational, slutty ;-), everything....but other than the "Happy Hooker" and her series, nothing was what I was craving -- first-hand accounts. If the internet had existed back then, and forums such as this, you can betcha I might have been asking the same questions as you (it's anonymous after all). I do not see the harm. You have a natural curiousity about what it's actually like to have sex.
I hope you are not scared away. I do not want you to feel intimidated about posting here (even if you are underage). I'm sure that there some very young or even older, but inexperienced adults who are reading these threads. These questions may be something that they themselves would love to ask, but do not. There are bound to be slews of people out there who can learn from "analyzing" other people's experiences. It's good to be inquisitive. I will do my best to give you my own accounts.
Like you, I like to analyze most things before I attempt them. I like to "understand" what it is I'm about to indulge in so that I not only feel more confident, but it makes one less apprehensive if they understand the "workings" of the human body and sex. For instance: Knowing that semen is harmless(actually it's healthy) and what its' actual composition is, or that urine is sterile, may help to ease some anxieties about oral sex....and so on.
From the comment about the movie (Top Gun), it seems that you came to a conclusion about "passivity." Honestly, if it's anything like any of the thousands of love scenes I've seen in the movies, it's not so far-fetched to think that this is the most common way that people have sex (passionate kisses and missionary intercourse with man on top). If a person hasn't been exposed to porn or doesn't have any friends that have had sex, or for whatever other reasons, it's not so strange to think the way you are.
Please do not worry about being inquisitive and analyzing things. When you mature and you actually start having sex, you will see that trial and error will be your usual MO. But that doesn't negate all of the information that you will have learned about. You will try those things as well. You will remember techniques that you read that worked for this one, and what many of the men said that they didn't like. You will take all of this with you into the bedroom. You will be well-informed and not feel so "in the dark" about sex. Each person is different, so between what you know and what they tell you, you will do fine.
I will try and answer as best I can. Hope you stick around. Remember, when you ask questions, it's not only for yourself that you ask....there are many like you who are probably wondering the same thing.
Take care.
P.S. If you are interested in true accounts of real people, read the Nancy Friday collection "Men in Love" and "My Secret Garden." (I didn't find these until I was in my 20's). They are all about the fantasies of men and women and are a mix of real sexual accounts as well.
Edited 7/5/2006 8:54 pm ET by rain_dancer_iam
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