Being on top

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-19-2005
Being on top
10
Tue, 07-18-2006 - 5:04pm
Okay this is something that should just come natural. I have a wonderful sex life. My husband and I have tried just about everything, have a full toy box, still interested after 10+ years BUT I feel like a fool on top! I can never get that rhythm going, I often sit up too far making him come out. I just suck! Advice please!!!
Avatar for katmandoo2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: dusabby
Tue, 07-18-2006 - 5:40pm

No, it doesn't come natural for many women. Because it sounds like you're trying to mimic HIS thrusting movements when on top. You can't, as you've found out.

His penis is at the perfect angle for moving in and out when he's on top since he's prostrate, not sitting up! He's laying down and you're sitting.

Once he's inside, you need to stay close to his body and grind against him, not attempt to thrust or bounce up and down.

And besides this position is about YOU, not him. Woman on top provides great visuals for the guy but because this position provides more direct clitoral stimulation for women, it's really all about YOUR pleasure. So do what feels good to you and believe me, he'll enjoy whatever that is. Besides, once you finish, you can always assume the position he enjoys best.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2002
In reply to: dusabby
Wed, 07-19-2006 - 7:14am
I'm a guy and I agree with Kat. I was with this girl one time and I asked her to get on top and she did but she really didn't know what to do either, I mean she was really not doing anything for either one of us so I told her to stop. She was probably a little embarrassed and so she got off and wanted to continue in a different position. I wasn't going to let her get away with it that easily so I told her to get back on it and "sit" all the way down. She did and so then I explained that all she needed to do was grind her hips forward and back and that she could lean forward or backward a little depending on how she felt. It took her a second to get the rhythm down but once she got it, the look on her face was priceless. Try it and have fun.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-26-2005
In reply to: dusabby
Wed, 07-19-2006 - 11:03am

That was a great way of handling it! And I think that most women are confused by being on top, because they have this "inborn" thing that they MUST be pleasing the man at all times. They don't understand that a man can lay there and enjoy watching HER having pleasure. A really good lover gets a lot of his pleasure just knowing that she's enjoying what is going on....and that way he can "rest up" for whatever comes next!

We all know that men enjoy "thrusting", and too many women think they have to do the same to make him happy. When he's ready, he'll take care of that. WOT is really about the woman and her pleasure.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-19-2006
In reply to: dusabby
Wed, 07-19-2006 - 6:49pm
Thanks for that message. I feel like a dork on top, too. Glad I'm not the only one out there with this problem!
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-19-2005
In reply to: dusabby
Wed, 07-19-2006 - 8:31pm
Thanks it's nice to know I'm not alone either!!
And thanks to everyone for their replies! If you ask my husband he says I do just fine up there and we've been together so long it seems insane to suddenly say I have no idea what I'm doing! I'd just like to have more confidence and more to the point get more out of the experience!
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-26-2005
In reply to: dusabby
Thu, 07-20-2006 - 11:06am

Have you ever heard the old joke about the man in NYC walking down the street, and he stops a passerby and asks how to get to Carnegie Hall. The passerby looked at him and said "Practice, baby, Practice"!

WOT takes practice! It's like learning to ride a two wheeled bike. You don't just jump on it and RIDE! It takes time. You have to learn to be confident. You have to expect to wobble a little at first, and maybe even fall over. But, you keep at it, and eventually you DO just jump on and ride.......never thinking about what you "look like", or how to balance, it becomes ingrained......you do it without thinking. You might have even learned to ride "no hands"! It's like learning to roller skate. How many times did you fall? How many skinned knees and elbows? How often did you think you looked like an idiot? But, eventually, you put on your skates, and had a ball!

As Katmandoo pointed out.....it's NOT about thrusting or jumping up and down like a jack rabbit. That's HIS thing! When you're on top, it's really more about YOU, and your pleasure. Here's what you have to do (in addition to getting more confidence): Don't squat on your heels. Your thighs can't take very much of that. KNEEL....then get yourself "seated" in a comfortable position. Use your hands on your thighs to balance yourself, then just start rotating your hips in a circular motion, grinding into him at the same time. THAT is why most women like the position.....because you're getting clitoral stimulation automatically. And, if you get it right, you'll also get some "g" spot stimulation.

For most men, they're NOT going to finish this way......when you get tired, then you change to something different, that will be more to HIS liking. Most men just like laying there and watching YOU.....watching you have pleasure. Their hands are free to touch and caress, and anything else they want to do. They aren't looking at you critically, so don't be self conscious....they're looking at your face, and listening to you moaning.

This isn't about him, it's about you. If you practice you'll figure it out, and you'll love it.

PS: To the other poster.....you don't feel like a dork, you feel that he THINKS you're a dork, and believe, he's not thinking that at ALL. For sure he won't be if you learn to worry less about what you look like, and more about what it feels like!

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-07-2005
In reply to: dusabby
Thu, 07-20-2006 - 9:44pm

You've gotten some great advise so far, so this my two-cents on the issue.

My first time @ WOT was at 46 and I had no clue what to do (XH was a missionary/bed man and I loved him that way but it can make one naive). Current man did all the work our first couple of times with WOT until I felt comfortable enough to actually move . Of course that was after I wrote IV and asked how do I move. My first couple of times I preferred WOT on the couch (closer body contact and easier to move (IMO)). In the beginning I could only move in a circular motion (kinda like dancing) but I soon learned that the sensations intensify when grinding back/forth.

Now I will tease him to no end with the circular motion and I've learned I can lean back and 'pump' him, but alas leaning back too far can make him fall out. IMO it's great to see his smiling face when I'm moving to my own drum!

Enjoy and just "play" with it and don't be afraid to try a movement 'just to see how it feels!

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-19-2005
In reply to: dusabby
Fri, 07-21-2006 - 9:03am
Okay I took all the advice last night and as soon I tried DH grabbed my hips and moved me more up and down. And everytime I tried something different, he'd just start moving and over ride (no pun intended) what I was trying! Well maybe he's happy with what we have and I'm certainly not complaining. I was just hoping to be a little more coordinated up there!
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-26-2005
In reply to: dusabby
Fri, 07-21-2006 - 10:08am
What would be so wrong with just telling him to leave your hips alone....that you're trying something different. If he doesn't get it, explain it to him. If he wants "thrusting", then he should be on top. If he wants you to enjoy yourself, then he should let your do "your thing". There are TWO of you there......and it's not only about what HE wants, it's about what BOTH of you want.
Avatar for katmandoo2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: dusabby
Fri, 07-21-2006 - 2:04pm
And what's wrong with taking more control for your OWN pleasure? Next time, remove his hands from your hips and pin them up by his head. You might even invest in a pair of handcuffs. LOL! But if you want something to change and he isn't cooperating, then talk about it.