BF decides not to have sex

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2004
BF decides not to have sex
4
Sat, 07-24-2004 - 10:23am
My bf and i have been going out for a little over a year. We are quite serious, and we both love eachother very much. About a month ago i went off birthcontrol and i had a scare where i thought i was pregnant. It turned out to be false and i immediatly went back on birth control. Now my bf has decided that he doesn't want to have sex until he is married. I ask why and he says that he is now really scared that i might get pregnant. I told him i am on bc and we can use condoms too but he still doesn't want to have sex. I am so upset because it is really strange that he just decides this now. I tried to tell him that its completly safe but he doens't want to even talk about it much and gets all weird. He then told me that he is afraid that i might break up with him or cheat on him b/c we can't have sex! I would never do that but i was still very hurt. Does anyone else think that this is werid. What do i do! Im 21 i should be having sex!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-11-2004
Sat, 07-24-2004 - 10:32am
IMO, you 2 need to talk to the doctor prescribing the BC. Let the doctor explain that you are safe from pregnancy.

How long til you 2 are married?

I also had a scare of unwanted pregnancy (20 years ago). With 1 son, my wife (and I) desided for vasectomy. The vasectomy really helped my marriage. Mac

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-2004
Sat, 07-24-2004 - 11:15am
Just curious why you would decide to go off birth control....and then go back on it. It's not surprising that he's scared off if you thought you were pregnant.

Why he doesn't understand that it's ok now....who knows. Have you explained to him that it's virtually impossible to get pregnant while on b/c? If you take them properly, you don't ovulate, and without ovulation, there's no egg to fertilize.

Stranger yet, since he's decided no more sex, now he's worried you'll cheat on him? If he has that little trust and faith in you, then I'd question the whole relationship.

Of course the simple solution would be to resume sexual relations, but you can't force him to do that. You two need to talk about this a LOT more.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2004
Sat, 07-24-2004 - 12:08pm
When you went off the BC, did your b/f know you went off of it?

bounxh0a-1.gif picture by dillbyrd

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2004
Sat, 07-24-2004 - 4:31pm
by sex, you mean intercourse, right? well, there are other forms of sex, like oral and manual stimulation that would provide a great deal of intimacy but not at all risk of pregnancy. is your boyfriend open to these sexual activities? you can't force him to have intercourse. let him know that you love him and still want the intimacy through these other sexual acts, they would satisfy you until he's ready to have intercourse again. stay on bc and have condoms ready, with some heavy making out, hopefully he'll give in soon enough.. good luck.