BF doesnt have sex till completion
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BF doesnt have sex till completion
| Wed, 06-06-2007 - 10:35pm |
My boyfriend and I have been dating for about 10 months now and have only had sex maybe 25 times, and that may be pushing it. And out of the 25 times he maybe came like 7 times. He seems to have a problem with cumming from sex. He looks at porn alotttttttttt. he wakes up and looks at it. sometimes he looks at it while im in the other room. I get mad sometimes because i dont understand y he rather masturbate then have sex with me. We have gone like 2 months without sex. In my previous relationship we had sex up to 3-4 daily. He sometimes tries to blame it on me, but i dont think im the problem really. What could be his deal?

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If he's masturbating a lot, it's no wonder he can't come during sex.
Is he affectionate in other ways? Does he kiss you, hug you, etc? If he is avoiding having sex with you, and is choosing porn over you, there could be a number of things going on. He might have a problem with intimacy, and uses porn as a way of meeting his needs without the emotional intimacy attached to it, or he might feel inadequate about something (again, avoids intimacy). He might have a problem with porn that needs to be addressed.
The fact that he doesn't think it's an issue, and blames you, concerns me. By blaming you, he is avoiding talking about whatever is going on with him.
He's addicted to porn, simple as that. It's an addiction just like any other addiction, alcohol, drugs, food or whatever. When something takes over your life, and you ignore important people to fulfill your needs, that's addiction.
You've been with him 10 months, and it's not going to change in 10 more months. He doesn't see it as a problem, and he has no reason to change. Unless you enjoy being ignored because he prefers porn.......then it's time to move on. Don't waste anymore time on him.
Thanks for the feedback !
"Well he’s admitted to it in the past because I threaten to break up with him and he deleted all the movies. pictures etc from his computer and he even wanted me to put a net nanny. I think it’s more of a self conscious issue. He’s very affectionate in other ways always hugging me and kissing. We’ve been working on it and things have gotten better but it’s still not that good.
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Well the way you started the thread, where has it gotten better? Above seems you're trying to cover for him. It's not a self conscious issue, it's an addiction. He might need professional help. It will probably be a quite some time before he gets himself straighten out, if he can do it at all. His saying that you are at fault seems to me he isn't getting better. You are probably be going to be spending a long time with this before it might get better. Did you put on the nanny cam? What ways can he work around it?
I think his focus needs to be re-directed to YOU, and nothing else. It is the woman's job to take charge in a relationship. Our sexual needs are far more complex. There are several ways to do this. Firstly, you can cut him off until he gets the message. Set a time limit though, and if he hasn't gotten it, show him the door. Secondly, have a serious talk with him about controlling his masturbation. This should be under YOUR control. He has shown he abuses the privilege and thinks only of himself. He needs to learn who is the most important one in the room. Thirdly, are you familiar with chastity devices? They are lockable and guess who keeps the key? I used one for 8 months on my boyfriend, who had a similar problem, and it produced wonderful results. There is nothing more attentive than a horney male, and when you control the lock, you control everything he does. And he will do everything you want just to get out! So take advantage of that and teach him to focus on your needs, and stay focused on them. The 7 cums you mentioned about tally with my bf's, but the difference is he cums only with my approval. And I have kept him 'full' on purpose to make him a better lover. He is out of chastity now, but would not think of masturbating without my permission. He fears how he would be punished ... and he should!
Good luck,
Bea
You are such a lovely young woman. You deserve to meet a man who spends his time trying to come up with ways to please you and make you happy. One who would be only too eager to have a healthy and wonderful physical relationship with you and not spend time
Mrs P
I think you'd be surprised, Tami. Some would run, for sure, but many would not since they understand who really controls the sexual aspect of the relationship. They need not be masochists, but perhaps they are more submissive. And there are many submissive men out there. It took me a while to realise this, and to realise the power I have in my body. We women have been programmed not to take advantage of our natural power. That's putting it nicely and not offending any church, school or parental bias!! 99% of males are after one thing. That's fine, but with me, I make sure they (he) know it belongs to ME, it's made available by ME, its used by ME for my pleasure and when he begins to appreciate that, he'll receive his pleasure. Shocking talk, perhaps, but think about it. This is not radical feminism, but simply recognizing what a wonderful body God has given us, and if 99% of males want it, it should be accessible on our terms, not theirs!
Bea
It sounds like he could still be shy and nervous about being with you. That often keeps guys from orgasming and would be one reason why he might prefer to look at porn. Also, if he starts to feel self-conscious about not orgasming than he will be even more nervous, and be even less likely to orgasm. It can get into a bad cycle. You want to be careful that when he does have sex with you, you do not say anything that might make him self-conscious.
I think another big reason many men prefer to look at porn is because it's quicker and easier than being with a partner. You shouldn't take it personally or assume it has anything to do with his attraction to you.
Another possibility if he's looking at porn much more than having sex with you and not orgasming during sex is that he may have what's known as traumatic masturbatory syndrome. My boyfriend has that problem. It has to do with the way a guy masturbates. Sometimes doing it in particular positions make it difficult to orgasm any other time afterwards:
http://www.healthystrokes.com/
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