BF doesnt have sex till completion

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-05-2007
BF doesnt have sex till completion
40
Wed, 06-06-2007 - 10:35pm
My boyfriend and I have been dating for about 10 months now and have only had sex maybe 25 times, and that may be pushing it. And out of the 25 times he maybe came like 7 times. He seems to have a problem with cumming from sex. He looks at porn alotttttttttt. he wakes up and looks at it. sometimes he looks at it while im in the other room. I get mad sometimes because i dont understand y he rather masturbate then have sex with me. We have gone like 2 months without sex. In my previous relationship we had sex up to 3-4 daily. He sometimes tries to blame it on me, but i dont think im the problem really. What could be his deal?
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-19-2006
Sat, 06-09-2007 - 9:50am
Hi msbea. I have been quite interested in your exchange with Steve, to say the least. However, Steve is someone who I truly consider to be a friend, even though we have never met face to face in RL, and are unlikely to. If you look at my siggy, you'll see I am CO-CL on Secrets of Married Sex, and Steve has been not just a member of that board for over a year, but one of our most valued members. He has always been right on the spot with listening to women who have problems, either with their relationship as such, or their sex life, when it is just the sex part of the relationship that has been problematic. And let me assure you, Steve is one of THE best listeners, male or female, that I have the pleasure of knowing, and he also gives damn good advice.

You may interpret Steve's responses to you as disagreeing a lot, but I think that is somewhat subjective, given the circumstances of your exchange. He is a man who knows his own mind, and knows it to the degree that he know there is always something new to be learned, and most importantly, learned from other people, and he does so with a great deal of respect for his interlocutors. He has said more than once on our board that he does not agree with people on certain subjects, but he respects them as individuals. This includes myself. We do not see eye to eye on everything, but frankly I much prefer his intelligence and willingness to exchange with me and others to a yes man or woman, who only agrees to be agreeable and liked.

Steve is one of the best listeners on our board. We have several men on our board, and many of them are excellent listeners, too. I suggest you take a look there, if you haven't already, and have a read of some of the posts.

With all due respect,

Nenuphar, CO-CL of Secrets of Married Sex

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-28-2006
Sat, 06-09-2007 - 10:00am
I agree completely that sexuality is a 2 way street, and that each couple needs to find their own best way to make it work for them. I thank you in turn for your courteous reply, and I suspect that had your initial post been in the same tone we would have hit it off much better. As one of a very small handful of men you are likely to meet on these boards with firsthand experience at having my genitals locked in a chastity cage, I am actually one of the least likely people here to take offense at your lifestyle. I suspect that if you asked around among people who *know* me on these boards, you would also find that I am hardly ever disagreeable, and that I am in fact quite a good listener who has been able to offer helpful advice to many posters in the time I have been here.

As for whether or not you are kidding about the vacuum, I neither know nor care, as that is between you and Ken and is not any of my concern.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-03-2006
Sat, 06-09-2007 - 10:31am

Ha ha. I see you're learning Steve. But just between you and me I think you need more time in the cage if only to help you relax a bit. I would love to have a private discussion with your better half.

Have a nice weekend.

Bea

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-03-2006
Sat, 06-09-2007 - 10:35am

Thank you, Nenuphar, for your message and kind words for Steve. I wlecome what you have said, and like that he has contributed in a positive fashion. It's just that he comes across to me as sometimes talking down to us.

I will look at your site when I return from a w/e jaunt out of town.

Until then, regards,

Bea

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-28-2006
Sat, 06-09-2007 - 2:09pm
*But just between you and me I think you need more time in the cage if only to help you relax a bit. I would love to have a private discussion with your better half.*

The dynamics of my chastity play with DW are very different than yours with your BF, and I doubt would yield the results that you are looking for. I do wonder, however, whether your BF would benefit from my having a private discussion with him regarding the beneficial effect of a good flogging on a woman's attitude.

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Edited 6/9/2007 2:56 pm ET by bostonsteve
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-28-2006
Sat, 06-09-2007 - 2:17pm
*It's just that he comes across to me as sometimes talking down to us.*

I think you will find that I respond to people here pretty much as I find them. When you blow in here with a condescending attitude and a snippy tone, you should not be at all surprised to find that I respond in kind.

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Edited 6/9/2007 2:51 pm ET by bostonsteve
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-15-2006
Sun, 06-10-2007 - 9:19am

We do not see eye to eye on everything, but frankly I much prefer his intelligence and willingness to exchange with me and others to a yes man or woman, who only agrees to be agreeable and liked.


I would agree, Nenu, that it is by far a much better experience to exchange intelligent thoughts rather than a constant stream of yes...yes...yes...


I so welcome that alternative view, a contrast in thinking, to compliment a person's individuality.


How boring it would be for me....to only encounter my own opinions... restated.

champagnestrawberriesflowersbubbleb.jpg

Mrs P

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-15-2006
Sun, 06-10-2007 - 9:37am

*It's just that he comes across to me as sometimes talking down to us.*


I can recall several exchanges we've had where I have felt very strongly opposed to an opinion of yours.

Mrs P

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-28-2006
Sun, 06-10-2007 - 10:07am
Thank you once again, Mrs. P, for your kind words. I have also greatly enjoyed our exchanges, and I sincerely hope that you have always found me to be a gentleman in my dealings with you, as I most certainly have always found you to be a lady in your dealings with me. Indeed I have.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2007
Sun, 06-10-2007 - 10:29am

Good Morning Steve!

I just wanted to chime in here and say that I have also found you to be both very respectful and very well respected around the village.

Agreeing that sexual interest in any particular activity should be shared within a relationship, dominance certainly would only be welcome for those that enjoy the kink as you have suggested. I know very few men who would tolerate being caged at all, and shutter at the thought of encouraging someone to do anything against the will of another person. It would appear clear to me that any person who cannot respect their partner, the person they claim to love, shows little sign of being able to respect others.

Having read most of your postings on iVillage, I have learned many things. I especially admire the respect that you have for your DW and the way that you encourage others to build their relationships. I certainly look forward to continued exchanges with you on the boards, and would only encourage you to keep being yourself :-)



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my partner in the siggy exchange