BF doesnt have sex till completion
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BF doesnt have sex till completion
| Wed, 06-06-2007 - 10:35pm |
My boyfriend and I have been dating for about 10 months now and have only had sex maybe 25 times, and that may be pushing it. And out of the 25 times he maybe came like 7 times. He seems to have a problem with cumming from sex. He looks at porn alotttttttttt. he wakes up and looks at it. sometimes he looks at it while im in the other room. I get mad sometimes because i dont understand y he rather masturbate then have sex with me. We have gone like 2 months without sex. In my previous relationship we had sex up to 3-4 daily. He sometimes tries to blame it on me, but i dont think im the problem really. What could be his deal?

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I am in all likelihood done with this exchange, as it does not appear to be heading in a direction that would be at all helpful or productive for Msbea2005, for me, or for anyone who might be reading it. I look forward to continuing to post with you both here on your board and elsewhere in the village.
The comfortable complacency you speak of is, for the most part, the reason for my presence on these boards. Another
Mrs P
Steve,
Now you're being rude which, if I understand the comments from others, is not like you. I think I have been courteous, but straightforward, in my comments. I am direct, but hopefully have contributed. I think I have touched a nerve with you, but that is not the purpose of this discussion. Let's just agree that we share differing opinions, and leave it at that.
Bea
Bea,
You and Ken have every right to live your life as you please but that doesn't mean I want to live mine that way. No man I have ever lived with required this degree of control to do as I wanted him to do. And very few were left with the desire to 'please' themselves after I would get done with them in the bedroom LOL.
It seems, though, that you are advocating that EVERY man needs to be treated this way to do as his woman wants. I have to completely disagree. Some men are led more easily by honey than punishment and that is the way I prefer to treat them. I would never want someone to control the basic aspects of my life that way nor would I want someone that would allow me to do that to them.
You allow me to see things my way, and I will honor your opinions in the same way.
Interesting discussion though. Glad to see we can disagree but still play nice!
Edited 6/14/2007 2:43 pm ET by tami-kins
"How boring it would be for me....to only encounter my own opinions... restated."
I so hear you there mrspe!!!!
Tami,
I like your sense of humour. But the problem, of course, is not 'after' you've finished with them in the bedroom. It's in the following days when they are off in their own world of fantasy, porn or whatever they need to trigger their masturbation.
I hear what you say though, and respect what you say. Because I may have initiated some contention here I went back and re-read some of my postings. Perhaps I was a bit strong in my opinions. Believe me, I was not advocating that every woman deal with this as I have, or that every man needs to be locked up in a belt. Guys can be pretty decent and sensitive to our needs. At least some can. And we have to understand theirs too.
The reason I came on a bit strong is that I have heard many women complain about their men masturbating, and then tolerating it, as a 'male thing'. A male's ejaculation is a wonderful act and gives us lots of pleasure, whether it's simply to witness it, to assist in the process of achieving it, to have it spurt inside, to share the look on his face, etc, etc, etc. But, when they do this alone, they deny us those pleasures. And, to compound the issue, they deplete themselves of passion for varying periods of time, and are possibly useless to us if our needs happen to occur during their 'down time'. So this is why I feel a relationship based more on 'approved masturbation', if need be, or better yet, 'no masturbation', ensures that we women are not given second class status in the lovemaking game.
What works for Ken and me certainly will not work for many, many couples. Some readers may have been shocked, but others who contributed were aware of some of the things I was talking about. No matter the process, the end result is the test. And I think that means the satisfaction of both the man and the woman with each other. Getting there can be quite a trip as we've seen, Tami. But it's fun once you do.
Thanks for your comments and best of luck and happiness to you and yours.
Bea
I feel that masturbation is a natural act, and each person is entitled to do as they wish with their own bodies. If a person is masturbating so much that they can not perform with their partner, then it's obvious their habit is creating a problem within the relationship. Otherwise, it's their choice -- whether they are male or female.
You are addressing this about men. I find that most women who have a problem with their men masturbating, feel jealous or cheated. It's about themselves, and their own discomfort with the idea of masturbation. Many don't understand why a person in a committed relationship would "need" to masturbate. Especially for a man, it provides an opportunity for release without having to perform for their woman. While your choice may work for you and Ken, not every man will be in a submissive relationship, nor does every woman wish to dominate her partner.
I don't feel that masturbation is a 'male thing', I feel it's a 'natural' thing. I also feel that both partners in a relationship deserve to be respected. I certainly don't think masturbation habits should be controlled to "ensure that we women are not given second class status in the lovemaking game". If I felt that way in a relationship, I would end the relationship, not try to stop him from masturbating.
my partner in the siggy exchange
I agree with you, Misty, about feeling cheated. But my experience has told me that some men simply don't see that point. They don't realise that they are depriving their partner of pleasure, whether it be traditional lovemaking when she wants it, or simply joining him as he masturbates. They don't see their solo activity as being selfish. I have tried with the men in my life to make them see the light! smile. Perhaps not your cup of tea though, and I respect that.
Good relationships are hard to come by. Certainly, each partner may have some habits or practices that may annoy, or frustrate, the other. These hopefully can be worked out over time, and I include masturbation. So I would disagree with you about ending the relationship, rather than stopping the masturbation. I know it can be stopped. And if the relationship otherwise is a good one, why end it? Just improve it and make it stronger.
I see this as a leadership issue too. In business, good leaders are motivators who encourage high performance standards. My guy is a leader at his work, but he looks up to me as a leader as well. He knows what my standards are, and he tries very hard to achieve them. We have a very strong and honest relationship, nothing is hidden from the other.
I don't want to beat this point to death, but I see some interesting thoughts and approaches coming to the light. And this is a fairly common problem in relationships, do you not agree?
Regards,
Bea
Personally, I don't see masturbation as "cheating". I think it is more common for masturbation to cause a problem because of insecurity, lack of knowledge, or being raised in a unhealthy environment.
I expect my DH to respect me as I respect him. We both enjoy solo time, but do not allow it to interfere with our relationship. As a matter of fact, it often feeds our relationship. I also don't see it as taking away from our sexual energy for each other. Personally, I love to think of a sexual encounter between us as I masturbate. I also fantasize about new sexual encounters we can have while masturbating. Often, we live them out. It seems to be a win-win situation for both of us.
I don't see it as a leadership issue either. I don't want to lead my partner, nor do I wish to live in a D/S relationship. That's just me. If my DH masturbated to the point of ignoring me, then it would be a problem. If he didn't want to change that, then ending the relationship would be my best option. It would be a clear sign to me that he didn't respect me. We find it works well for both of us to want to satisfy each other, and enjoy many aspects of our sexuality.
my partner in the siggy exchange
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