BF giving up abstinence

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-02-2007
BF giving up abstinence
2
Wed, 11-14-2007 - 12:19am
This is going to seem like an odd thing to have a question about, so I apologize in advance.
My boyfriend has, until this month, believed in abstinence prior to marriage for religious reasons. Our sexual contact has been limited because of his beliefs (pretty much just first base) and I respect his beliefs, so I've been accepting of that. Besides that, he's very creative and very dedicated to making me happy within our physical boundaries, so I have no complaints. He knows that I have had sexual relationships in the past but I told him that I was willing to wait for him, which I am. We just went on vacation last month for a week with another friend, separate rooms (which thoroughly confused people at the resort). We had a little fight while we were gone and were discussing the fight this week, now that we're back home and recovered from the trip. He said that the fight ruined his grand plans for seduction, that he'd packed condoms with plans for seducing me while we were away from home. This came up sort of incidentally in the course of discussing some bigger relationship issues, which we got worked out, but now I feel like I need to come back to that comment. It is absolutely not the kind of thing he would joke about, but I cannot believe that he would make that big of a decision without telling me about it. Well, actually, I could believe it because he's a guy with sometimes solitary thought processes.
So, do I ask him about again? "Hi honey - have you seriously changed your mind about the no-sex thing?" Do I let it go and see what move he makes next? And anyone have any advice about being the first for a 30 year old virgin?
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2007
Wed, 11-14-2007 - 8:50am
Welcome to the board, msgrace_29.



I think if your BF mentioned that he had planned to seduce you on your trip, then you should talk to him about it. I would want to know what made him change his religious beliefs so suddenly, and then I would want to know if he still plans to follow through on it.



Other than saying that if he's deciding to push his religious beliefs aside, and loose his virginity, that puts a lot of pressure on you (I would think) to define your relationship. You might want to think things through as to how you feel about the decisions he's making.



iVillage has a message board, Like a Virgin. You may want to visit that board to get advice on being his first. You're much more likely to find others with similar experiences there.



Let us know what you decide and how things go.




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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-17-2007
Fri, 11-16-2007 - 7:02pm
That is a tough situation! Like Misty said, I would definitely talk to him about his comment and see where his thoughts have been heading. After all, it is a big decision for him, so it certainly effects your relationship.