BF giving me NO action during period
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| Sat, 12-17-2005 - 7:15am |
Hi all,
I have been in a LDR for the past year. My BF visited for a week in July - but as luck would have it, I had my period when he was here. I visited him in August, and again, bad timing meant that it was also the week I had my period. Now I am coming home to visit for Christmas (and to see him) and whatdoyaknow, I'm scheduled to have my period AGAIN during my visit!
Now, my BF finds periods a turn off. He doesn't want to have sex during 'that time of the month' nor does he want to give me oral sex, nor does he want to manually stimulate me at all. (This applies even when I've taken a shower and am using tampons). Basically it's like he doesn't want to touch me anywhere below the waist during "that time of the month".
Is this normal - do all guys have this attitude? Or is he just being overly squeamish? If so, is there anything I can do about it?
He has no problems with me giving him manual and oral stimulation when I have my period. He doesn't demand it or anything, I choose to give it. BUT - what with my appalling run of bad luck when it comes to having my period EVERY time I've seen my BF this year, it feels like I'm getting a little bit short changed. He is the one who is receiving all the pleasure, whereas I'm missing out because he "finds blood a total turn off".
When I'm home for Christmas, I'm wondering whether I should just not pleasure him until I get some action myself. I know it's not his fault I've got my period, but it's not mine either! Is there any advice on what I should do?
PS - I am not on the pill. And yes, I am aware that with the pill, you can "reschedule" periods. It's an attractive idea, but we don't see each other enough to really justify taking it.

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No, not ALL guys are like this, but many are. And this one is. You can't change that. You COULD talk to him about it, and tell him that he could at least give you some manual satisfaction......you're willing to give him "his", so why can't he give you "yours"? It would be different if you were in a normal relationship (not LD) that you could BOTH wait for it to be over, but in this situation, you'll be gone by then. Talking to HIM and trying to come up with a compromise is about all you can do.
The "instead" cup is another alternative, as Tish mentioned. I haven't used them either, but it's possible that if you didn't tell him, he might not even know it was there.
No, not all guys are this way, sometimes, it's actually the woman who is. But have you tried explaining how neglected you feel because of his extreme attitude about this? That would be the place to start.
Have you considered having sex in the dark so that he couldn't see the blood? It would feel like regular lubrication in that case. The first thought I had was the Instead cup that the others have already mentioned. I have heard that they do work and make intercourse mess-free.
And you know, you don't HAVE to tell him that you're in your period either. He doesn't need to know until AFTER the fact. Pop in an Instead cup and go for it! Mind over matter, I always say!
Edited 12/17/2005 11:55 am ET by katmandoo2001
I'm LDR and saw my SO over Turkey Day (first time in 4 months) and knew I would get my period during our visit. I was the one that was squeamish about it and we were fooling around and talking about it and then we just went for it. For us having 4 months between visits was enough to push it out of our heads and go for it. I, like you, dont find it necessary to pay out the rear and be on birth control right now because we go so far between our time together and we accept the consequences should a condom fail.
Just put a towel under your bodies for the possible mess (we didnt have one but we used it just the same) and go for it. Maybe you'll get lucky and have a lighter day. Check out those cup thingies...I'll need to google those myself.
Good luck,
Rubyshoes
Like the others have said, no, not all guys are like this. However, I'm one of them that is like that. I don't like sex during her period. Never used to be like that, but over the years I've developed a preference for not having sex (including oral sex) during her period. No, I never had any particularly traumatic experiences. I did come to particularly dislike a tampon string hanging out during oral. Sorry, but that gets me thinking and then the mood is just all over for me. Lights out or in the shower doesn't do it for me either - it's the "idea" and concept that you are battling here. It doesn't matter to me what I can or can't see at the time, blood or no blood, the knowledge that she has her period is enough to turn me off. The closest I will come to having sex is kissing, cuddling, massage, and breast play and using a vibrator on her; but not for penetration.
Given that I'm not particularly interested about sex during that week, I don't expect her to give me any action either. Sometimes I get it, but I certainly don't push for it. Only fair if I'm not prepared to give out.
Hey broomgal!
Don't think the replies could've been any better. True gift a board like this is when anyone can jump on to a forum and get such great mature feedback and all, no matter what the sensitive topic.
As you know, not all men are this way, yours is. This is, IMHO, simply about different things that turn different people off. The most important thing for you right now is to remember that he still finds YOU attractive, he simply finds that part about you not as attractive. Some of us fail to separate the two at times, I think thats important.
We men have our own physical things that turn women off too, even things that are very natural. Just because your bf may still want physiclal intimacy that doesn't involve your period, doesn't always mean he should expect it and hopefully never demands it.
C H A R A C T E R
Thanks guys for all the responses.
Para, you're right. Sometimes all his talk of how "periods are a turn off" makes me feel like there's something disgusting about ME. You are correct in saying that I should remember that he doesn't find ME disgusting or off putting, etc, only the menstrual part.
The message that seems to be coming through here is that my BF is who he is, and I can't change him. Which is true. I certainly don't want to force him into anything that he is reluctant to do.
I guess this whole thing wouldn't be a problem if we didn't have the LDR going. It's just that we go for months without seeing each other, and then we only are together for a week or so. Although I respect my BF's feelings, part of me just wishes he could just get over it, and "return the favours". It's not like I'm asking him to wallow in my blood or anything! I don't expect him to have sex with me, or even oral sex. But I feel if I've taken a shower and am using internal protection, he could at least, well... touch me below the waist, if you know what I mean.
Anyway, at least this visit I'll be back for 2 weeks, so it won't be "that time" ALL the time!
I don't think you ARE being unrealistic to expect some stimulation when you are providing it for him. I think you can respect his aversion to blood and he can respect your need for mutual pleasure while you're together. IF you're both willing to do that, then you can somehow find a compromise.
But his absolute refusal is unfair and neglectful, IMO.
I agree, he can give her some stimulation without ever coming in contact with blood.
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