BF giving me NO action during period

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-03-2004
BF giving me NO action during period
27
Sat, 12-17-2005 - 7:15am

Hi all,

I have been in a LDR for the past year. My BF visited for a week in July - but as luck would have it, I had my period when he was here. I visited him in August, and again, bad timing meant that it was also the week I had my period. Now I am coming home to visit for Christmas (and to see him) and whatdoyaknow, I'm scheduled to have my period AGAIN during my visit!

Now, my BF finds periods a turn off. He doesn't want to have sex during 'that time of the month' nor does he want to give me oral sex, nor does he want to manually stimulate me at all. (This applies even when I've taken a shower and am using tampons). Basically it's like he doesn't want to touch me anywhere below the waist during "that time of the month".

Is this normal - do all guys have this attitude? Or is he just being overly squeamish? If so, is there anything I can do about it?

He has no problems with me giving him manual and oral stimulation when I have my period. He doesn't demand it or anything, I choose to give it. BUT - what with my appalling run of bad luck when it comes to having my period EVERY time I've seen my BF this year, it feels like I'm getting a little bit short changed. He is the one who is receiving all the pleasure, whereas I'm missing out because he "finds blood a total turn off".

When I'm home for Christmas, I'm wondering whether I should just not pleasure him until I get some action myself. I know it's not his fault I've got my period, but it's not mine either! Is there any advice on what I should do?

PS - I am not on the pill. And yes, I am aware that with the pill, you can "reschedule" periods. It's an attractive idea, but we don't see each other enough to really justify taking it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2001
Tue, 12-20-2005 - 12:29am
I know that she said that she gives him some action even thought she's not getting any, but was he pushing for it or was he just gratefully accepting it?
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-22-2004
Tue, 12-20-2005 - 6:06am

Very glad the replies and support here are so helpful for you, broomgal.

Westie beat me to the punch though. It didn't sound like your knight was "pressuring" you to please him at all, but that he just wasn't as into you like you needed him to be during . Also, you are right on target by noticing that this likely wouldn't be an issue had you not been in such a LDR that brings you two back to together at such a time as well.

You recognize that he WANTS to touch you and what not, but that he is simply unable to get past his issues over your menstruation...major mature step on your part, he's lucky to be with someone like you for that reason alone! :)

Only thing I could suggest is to mention something to the effect of you being okay and that you're perfectly clean down there for manual stimulation. His touching you is a part of what you when enjoying your limited time with him--its not just something that feels good and thats it--and that you really prepared yourself to avoid any issues at all. That would work on a normal guy like me anyway, so who knows other than you.

Hope all works out for you. :)

 

C  H  A  R  A  C  T  E  R

Avatar for katmandoo2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 12-20-2005 - 11:00am

Hard to say from her post but I'm quite sure that she was hoping that the gesture would be returned in SOME way, particularly since they don't see one another often.

Never met a guy who wouldn't touch me during my period though, so I have no experience with that whatsoever.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2004
Mon, 12-26-2005 - 5:42pm
All guys don't have that attitude, but I believe the majority do. I am one (as a woman) that doesn't enjoy a man being intimate with me during that time. I don't mind giving him pleasure though - I love it. For me though ... its MY time. For you - because you're in a long distance relationship, timing is everything. One reason I'd never get into a LDR - ugh. I don't blame him one bit. It's ugly --- Blood and guts and most guys are NOT interested. And definitely not in any oral during that time. I guess he either remembers you as someone he just can't seem to hook up with sexually or .... he'd remember all your lovemaking together being bloody and messy. Which one is worse, ya know? The answer is get out of your LDR or move close to him.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2004
Mon, 12-26-2005 - 5:58pm

Blood and guts, bloody and messy?


bounxh0a-1.gif picture by dillbyrd

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2004
Mon, 12-26-2005 - 6:19pm
It sure can be! And is --- with a lot of people.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2004
Mon, 12-26-2005 - 6:24pm
And ... c'mon now ... you're a woman - it is usually messy, you gotta be careful not getting blood on sheets, linens. In the shower is an option, but even then ... its not as carefree or enjoyable. What IS enjoyable is waiting a week or less, then making up for loss time without all the messy ingredients.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2004
Mon, 12-26-2005 - 7:06pm

<<>>


bounxh0a-1.gif picture by dillbyrd

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2001
Wed, 12-28-2005 - 1:42am

LOL!

I was going to make a post that simply read "Sure it is!" but carla beat me to the punch! :-)

I think that your reply was almost the most disconcerted that I've ever read you, tish :-)

I think that the problem is that most guys simply associate "that much blood" with a "problem". Hence sex during your period can be a little disconcerting and becuase it's tied up with sex and attraction the whole issue gets complicated.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2004
Wed, 12-28-2005 - 9:17am

Oh well, like I said, different strokes for different folks.


bounxh0a-1.gif picture by dillbyrd