bf interested in playboy magazine

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-21-2004
bf interested in playboy magazine
21
Tue, 12-21-2004 - 5:31am

I and my boyfriend have been together for almost 2 years. We have a good relation with each others but we have yet to came to the stage of having sex.

Recently my boyfriend told me that he is very much interested in looking at naked woman.First I thought he is just making fun. Later on when he show to me a few playboy magazine then I started to believe what he said. This has been happening even before he meet me.

He told me, he will masturbate whenever he look at the nude women in the magazine. Recently he started to show to me the playboy magazine and masturbate in front of me.

I understand that it is normal for a man to get aroused by looking at naked woman and masturbate. But I don't want by BF to masturbate frequently. I do not know how to stop him from looking at the playboy magazine and later on masturbate. He told me that he can't stop from looking the magazine.

What shall I tell or do to him in this matter?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-20-2004
Tue, 12-21-2004 - 5:42am
Why do you want to stop him from looking at the magazine?
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2004
Tue, 12-21-2004 - 6:26am
You two are not having sex (which is absolutely a fine choice), but you don't want him to masturbate too frequently? What are your reasons for not wanting him to masturbate?
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2004
Tue, 12-21-2004 - 7:31am

What is the problem with him masturbating whether it's to magazines, porn, fantasizing, etc.


bounxh0a-1.gif picture by dillbyrd

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-19-2004
Tue, 12-21-2004 - 9:19am
What I think is most important in this matter (and in anything in a relationship) is that you know for yourself what your bounderies are. If YOU dont feel comfortable with it, dont let him do it when you are there. If you dont feel comfortable with him doing it anyway, even without you, but he doesnt want to change behaviour,you should make your own decision whether you want to accept this in a relationship or not. Just really look at yourself and what YOU want and dont want!! Thats what is so important!!!
With me its like this: masturbation is normal but I dont want him to do it with a magazine/tv/internet. But thats me, and everyone thinks different.So, what do you think??


Edited 12/21/2004 9:21 am ET ET by samie2004
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-2004
Tue, 12-21-2004 - 10:33am

Men masturbate! That is normal and healthy. From the time they reach puberty, till the day they die, they masturbate. Even happily married men do it. It has nothing to do with their wife, or their girlfriend. It's what they do. Guess what, even many women masturbate!

Some men look at Playboy, some men look at porno (Playboy is NOT pornography), some men fantasize while they do it. It's their "inspiration". Again, that's normal, and healthy.

You cannot tell him what he can and can't do with his own body. If you don't want him to do it in front of you, then tell him that. Beyond that, you have no right to tell him what he can or can't do. Since you're not sexually active with him, this is how he chooses to get his "relief". Be thankful he's honest with you, instead of hiding in the closet to do what is perfectly normal for most men. Believe it or not, some couples masturbate in front of each other, too. It's everyone's choice what they do, and no one can tell another person what to do or not to do.

If seeing it makes you uncomfortable, then tell him not to do it when you're with him.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2004
Tue, 12-21-2004 - 1:33pm

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bounxh0a-1.gif picture by dillbyrd

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-20-2004
Tue, 12-21-2004 - 4:14pm
Im thinking the problem with masturbating to visual aids such as magazines, or porn is that she doesnt want to be compared to the women in the pictures/ movies. Sounds like a little insecurity or somekind of youth driven jealously. When men masturbate, there is often a fantacy involved, wheather it is a gal on a page they can look at or someone who he saw at the mall.....etc.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-19-2004
Tue, 12-21-2004 - 8:37pm

<> I'm not sure what there is to accept or not accept.
!!I was talking about him using a magazine while masturbating!!

Well,just as an example, some people may find it very pleasurable to stick a needle in their arm ..... Ofcourse a person has the right to do what they want with their body, I suppose, but, I dont want a relationship with this person if he/she (also counts for friends)does things that are not my norms and values in life.

You can say that what I said before (about tv/mags/internet use with masturbation) may come out of insecurity but I think in this matter I am very strong and now exactly what I want and dont want from a person who I have a relationship with. I have respect for myself and thats why I have norms and values for myself and people who I want to have a relationship with in this world.

Also, I do see it as a form of cheating if my man thinks/fantasises about sex with another woman, yes. I also think Im not the only one who thinks like this. If I love my man I dont need to think of having sex with some other hot sexy guy...and just because a man is man and needs these things nowadays, doesnt make it right (ever read the bible??) or doesnt mean that I have to accept this behaviour from my bf. He can do what he wants, but he just wont be with me anymore then.

(Its a bit difficult for me to explain it perfectly how I want to cos my native language is not English)

Capisce?;)

Samie

Edited 12/21/2004 8:41 pm ET ET by samie2004




Edited 12/21/2004 8:55 pm ET ET by samie2004
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2004
Tue, 12-21-2004 - 9:03pm

Ummm....sticking needles in someone's arm or harming themselves in some way can't really be compared to masturbation with or without magazines, porn, etc.


bounxh0a-1.gif picture by dillbyrd

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-19-2004
Tue, 12-21-2004 - 9:25pm

* I dont mind if a guy masturbates
* I masturbate
* It doesnt matter at all how many times he does it (or me)
* Maturbating itself is not the problem , but how, yes, the example of the guy on the street jerkin off in front of me and my mother/daughter

and many more points, but, why dont u just accept that not everyone thinks alike, and its not necessary we do. This is just me, and you dont agree. I have many many good reasons for my opinion in this but I dont feel the strong need to explain them to people who think different then me...At least I tried a little, just to be nice:)

Samie

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