BF only climaxs when he masturbates

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2003
BF only climaxs when he masturbates
9
Wed, 12-08-2004 - 3:40pm

My BF and I are still in a newish relationship. He is very considerate of my every need. He stays hard forever but he can only come when he masturbates outside of me. He says its because he has masturbated so much in the past that only he can get himself off.

I have given him the best possible oral stimulation that I can. We have sex in many different positions but it does not seem to help. I have read and tried many things to help him come, espcially trying to appeal to that male "visual" side. He loves the Kegel effect but it does not make him climax.

I don't take it personally because I know that every one has different needs but it does concern me if we want to have children.

Any suggestions on how I can help him get off inside of me?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2004
Wed, 12-08-2004 - 4:45pm
Your relationship is new and right now he is used to the stimulation he gets from masturbation.

bounxh0a-1.gif picture by dillbyrd

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-21-2003
Wed, 12-08-2004 - 4:46pm

Hello Need a New Me

I think the problem is your BF need to concentrate on what he is doing when you two are making love.Tell him to concentrate on the feeling of his penis inside you and how it feels, your vaginal and you can do the rest, and in no time he will cum.

dayranch

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2004
Wed, 12-08-2004 - 5:06pm
How about with his previous partners? If he had any...
I have a friend who was with a man who never orgasmed with intercourse. The doctors determined that it was a psychological issue and they went through a lot of therapy but none worked. Anyways, I suppose if you're alright with his situation, then that's cool. Some guys need very specific stimulation to orgasm, like my husband has never gotten off on oral. Let him be in total control when having intercourse, doggy or missionary (him on top) would be the best, I think. Good luck!
Avatar for pisceschickus
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2003
Wed, 12-08-2004 - 6:58pm

We used to have this problem, as we were each other's first partners. It wasn't until we had been intimate over the course of a year that he learned to finish from sex.

I did a lot of research online because we were both very concerned about it.

He stopped masturbating daily on his own, which I think helped a lot because he was able to get used to less direct stimulation and different pressure. We increased the amount of foreplay (especially manual and oral stimulation), and used positions (such as me on my knees) that made thrusting easier. Other than that, i just listened to his needs.

One important thing: don't make it into a big deal because he will stress and it will make things even more difficult. Just concentrate on having fun and it will happen! :)

Hope that helps!

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2001
Wed, 12-08-2004 - 8:26pm

It's probably partially because of the specific stimulation from masturbating and partially from some hangup or concern that he has from getting you pregnant, or performing properly or something. I wonder how often he masturbates on his own? If he's still masturbating most days before he has sex with you his desire to orgasm will be lower and he'll find it harder to orgasm.

I'd be inclined to ask him to stop masturbating for a while and see what happens. Odds are that he's going to get so horney that the stimulation from intercourse will be more than enough.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-13-2004
Wed, 12-08-2004 - 10:40pm

I hadn't thought of the mental issues, but I definately agree that he should stop masturbating.

I'll take it a tad further though, and suggest that he should not only stop masturbating when alone, but also when he's with you. Even if it means him being left without orgasm during sex. Yes, I'm well aware that this may mean a few weeks without orgasm for him - but as Westridge suggested, the result will be that it will be easier to achieve because he's Oh So Horny.

From personal experience, the more I masturbate - the harder it is to orgasm with my DH. However, when I stop masturbating....within a few weeks I'm able to orgasm with his stimulation again. In fact, I've virtually had to stop masturbating altogether because my body gets so reliant on my own technique.

Dress Up Games, Doll Makers and Cartoon Dolls @ The Doll Palace
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-2004
Thu, 12-09-2004 - 12:06am

The best way you can help him is to leave him alone, and let him work it out by himself. Less masturbation might help, but some happily married men, who have sex all the time will still masturbate. It's not that he's ejaculating too often, it's that he's too used to that stimulation, and he has to train himself to react to partner sex.

Also, just like women, men can be nervous in a new relationship. He needs time to learn to relax, and making a big deal out of it isn't helping. Don't say you're not making a big deal out of it....because you are. You're concerned, and you talk to him about it. That's NOT helping him. That's making him more nervous every time, because he's trying so hard to make it happen.

As far as having babies is concerned.....this is a new relationship, and babies are a long time off......that's nothing to worry about at this point in time. You need to relax, and let him know that it's no big deal, so that HE can relax.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2003
Thu, 12-09-2004 - 9:49am
Thank you all for the great advice.
Have a wonderful Holiday season.
I know I will.
A_New_Me
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2004
Thu, 12-09-2004 - 3:19pm
I used to have a similar situation with an ex bf. He would never come inside me or in my mouth but every time at the last second would pull out and masturbate himself off, then put it right back in and keep going for the "warmdown". I don't think it's the visual thing, because he would do this in the dark too. Finally I found that by talking a bit dirty and nice he could be coaxed into coming inside me. Never in my mouth though if I recall ... got a couple of bloodshot eyes from that guy ;-)