BF only ejaculates from oral sex

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-05-2003
BF only ejaculates from oral sex
8
Sat, 06-04-2005 - 3:48pm

My bf and i are both 28 and have been together for almost 2 years. He only cums through oral sex. He tends to prefer doggy style too - I think it is because he takes so long and is trying to concentrate on the sex.

He wants to try anal sex (i'm guessing he has cum through that before perhaps). I'm not so keen on it, but am warming up to the idea.

I haven't asked him so much about his history yet because I was worried about causing further performance anxiety.

When a man can orgasm from a woman giving him oral sex but not through intercourse - does this tend to have a psychological or physical cause? Does it seem it is b/c he isn't attracted to me (haven't had that problem before and am fit etc)?

He is very sexually aggressive and inititates often - he also stays hard the whole time and has not problem getting an erection.

We do have some relationship stress now but this started before then. He recently told though that he feels I have control of the relationship - which I dont feel. I 'll try to delve into this more.

Any thoughts? Does this sound like a treatable version?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-2004
Sat, 06-04-2005 - 5:30pm

First of all, you need to understand that ejaculation, just like a female's orgasms, are just as much mental as physical. He DOES ejaculate from oral sex, so there is no problems with him physically. It has NOTHING to do with whether or not he's "attracted" to you. If he wasn't attracted to you, he wouldn't be there with you, and he probably wouldn't even get an erection. (also, your being "fit" has nothing to do with whether or not a man is attracted to you, either. Looks, body, none of that matters to someone who cares about you.....which is good, because looks and "condition" can fade away with time, what's inside and what most men are attracted to won't "fade" with time.)

Why HAVEN'T you asked him about it? He knows it's happening, he knows that YOU know it's happening, and it's only normal to want to know what the problem is. Of course, he may not know himself.....but it's probably something like he's afraid of getting you pregnant, or some religious or moral hang up. You NEED to talk to him, if for no other reason than settling your own doubts.

How are you supposedly controlling the relationship? Does he mean sexually, or in general? These are things that need to be discussed, NOT wondered about. Pick a time out of the bedroom, and start a discussion. If you can't talk to him after being with him for two years, then there are more problems in the relationship than you realize. Without communication, it can't be a good relationship.

As for the anal sex, that's something that's up to you. Don't do it because you think it will "cure" him......only do it if you're interested, and willing. Even when you're willing, it can be messy and painful.....so think twice about doing it, and ONLY do it if you want to, not because HE wants to.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-05-2003
Sat, 06-04-2005 - 5:38pm

Thanks for the helpful advice.

I can talk about sex. I have been timid on this issue moreso because I am not sure if it will lead to more damage. Some of the things I've been reading say a greater focus on the issue can lead to greater dysfunction and I wanted to learn more first before approaching the subject.

It does appear to be psychological and I do want to open the communication. I didn't want to jump the gun and come across as angry etc and so I have been more hesitant with this topic in particular.

I will approach in the near future though b/c I know it needs to happen. It may allow for growth for both of us too.

Any tips on how to approach the conversation to avoid it becoming worse?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2004
Sat, 06-04-2005 - 8:36pm

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-05-2003
Sat, 06-04-2005 - 8:45pm

I have asked him if he fears pregnancy but he said no. I will need to have a fuller conversation with him though.

I am on birth control. We took tests before stopping condom use and haven't used them since.

Yeah - I have been looking up this info. It is interesting that he can come through oral sex and so at least that is a positive sign.

The term I have found which is closest is retarded or inhibited ejaculation. This will be a bit of a project I can see.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-11-2004
Sun, 06-05-2005 - 8:00am
Hi scottie941:

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2004
Sun, 06-05-2005 - 9:00pm
I think my current lover has a pretty serious case of retarded ejaculation as well. So far there's no real downside except that it takes him FOREVER to cum. He is very well endowed and has the hardest erection of anyone i have ever encountered -- his penis just gets amazingly rigid -- but he simply takes forever to cum. When he finally does it is absolutely normal, and there is generally a lot of semen for sure, but it just seems to me that it takes him way, way, way too long. I mean after half an hour of intense oral and then another half hour of extremely intense intercourse you would think he would be ready to cum, but generally only by masturbating for a few more minutes is he able to. There is no real downside to this -- I am happy to go on with him for as long as he wants; thankfully I stay well lubricated -- but it makes sex more of a production than it ought to be.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-20-2004
Mon, 06-06-2005 - 5:02pm
Remember the biggest sex organ is the brain...Sometimes, in some men, normal relations just doesnt do it for them..Could explain why he wants anal...It could be something as simple as he doesnt get enough of the stimulation he needs thru intercourse, but he does from oral...When a man/woman can just lie back and enjoy all the sensations..for some people, it just doesnt get any better than that
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-13-2005
Tue, 06-07-2005 - 4:21pm
Could he be using Viagra or Levitra? They both of course give rise to rock hard erections but they greatly delay the orgasm itself. I have tried them "recreationally" but also this is fairly common consensus.