BFs past sexual experience vastly different from mine

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-11-2008
BFs past sexual experience vastly different from mine
4
Mon, 12-16-2013 - 12:14am

I have been dating someone for about 3 years now. We have both been married and divorced before. He has probably treated me better than anyone I've ever dated or been with. It's clear when we are in the bedroom together that his sexual past is more colorful than mine. He has always been upfront with me and encouraged me to ask if I had any questions about his past. it wasnt until tonight that I inquired. I kind of figured I had an idea about his past but now the truth is in front of me  Him and his wife were swingers and we're together with other couples, etc. He apologized for its effect on me but told me that he loved me so much. I told him my biggest fear was getting hurt again, as my spouse cheated on me while I was pregnant, and he became abusive. he said it was his past and that he wants to settle down with me. I feel good wih him and appreciate his honesty but wow...I am so sheltered! It's shocking to think I know and am with someone with such a decorated sexual past. I always just wanted a fairytale life. I wanted to settle down with my first love and always be with him..etc. I guess keeping my head buried in the sand is not realistic. I feel like I'm fortunate to have found him but am still trying to see his past as less shcoking and perhaps rare when it's may be more common than I realize. I don't know. Just hoping for some sensible feedback as my brain is spinning right now.

thank you

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-18-2013

I understand your dilemma and its a tough situation. I for one am not a swinger but enjoy exciting new things with my partner. I can tell you that if my partner and I went from being naughty in bed to plain sex, I would not be able to take it. The point of stating this is because I find it hard for someone who was a swinger in the past to be able to say it is the past. Its easy to say words but to follow through with those words is at times not possible. Are you open to being in a open relationship or inviting someone into your room to share with him?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2009

I disagree with the other poster that "once a swinger always a swinger".  It's unfortunate that you opened Pandora's box by even asking, but now that you have the story........think about it.  What if he'd never married, but had sex with different women every week.  Would that bother you as much?   He's told you that it's all behind him......why can't you believe him.  People do dumb things when they're younger.......and then they mature, and it was nothing more than a time in his life, that's long past.  You can't change the past......so there's no point in worrying about it, either.  He's assured you that it IS the past.........so it's time to accept he's had a lot more experience than you had, and if nothing else, it's probably made him a lot better in bed!  Enjoy it!

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-11-2013

I think it show a great deal of honesty on his part which you should admire in a guy who loves you.There are a whole lot of people who have more experince then their partners and have great marraiges,so except him for the qualities he has shown you and have a great life together.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-12-2013

In my opinion, he has been completely honest with you and wanted to come clear on every thing he did in the past. And since you are enjoying a great relationship with him then do not bother yourself with doubts, I know you had a bad experience in the best but do not carry a baggage from the best.

Your present bf is special to you, so treasure him.