big dick, small self
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big dick, small self
| Mon, 02-13-2006 - 12:40am |
hey everyone, i'm on here and got a question and whoever can help me would be greatly appreciated. i'm 20 years old and have had sex only a couple times, i recently met a great guy and we're thinking about getting engaged and married to real soon. well the thing is, he's quite large and it's really hard and painful to have sex with him bc i'm still smaller. i dont want to give up sex with him bc sex is a big part of a relationship. does anyone have ideas on what i can do to make myself a little bigger or have an easier time with him? i love him to death and dont want to lose him.

Your vagina is capable of stretching to accomodate almost any size penis. If a baby can go thru it, a penis can go in it. However, if you're not getting enough foreplay, and you're not properly aroused, relaxed and well lubricated, it's going to be painful.
Take lots more time for manual and/or oral clitoral stimulation, and if necessary, get some sexual lubricant. If you don't rush it, it shouldn't be painful.
You don't get "bigger" the more you have intercourse. EVERY time you have intercourse, your vaginal muscles relax, and allow the penis in...when you're done, it's tight again.
YOu don't have to give it up, you just have to learn how to do it. Your clitoris is your real sexual organ, and without enough stimulation, you won't be relaxed or well lubricated.
Check out www.the-clitoris.com to see how it works.
As Dakine said, you need to be relaxed, well aroused and lubricated and there shouldn't be a problem.
I agree that she should be able to accomodate his penis but, please ladies, stop with the "if a baby can come out then yada yada yada" stuff.
Sure a baby can come out of there. But, by every account of it that I have ever read (and being present at my own son's birth), it's not exactly something that the average woman would want to go through once a year, let alone once every couple of days. :)
Just keep trying. Slowly with patience and time, you should become accustomed to his size. BUT he needs to know that this is going to take time and he needs to be patient. LOTS of foreplay, LOTS of lube and slow gradual penetration will help you stay relaxed. Anticipating pain, after one painful experience can make you unconsciously clamp down to protect yourself, only causing the very pain you fear.
IF he's hurting you at any time, he needs to stop thrusting, give you time to relax by taking a couple of deep breaths before beginning again. He CAN do damage. I would also suggest talking with your gyno and find out if there's anything he can recommend to help you.
Just do NOT grit your teeth and bare the pain. Tearing vaginal tissue and muscle can take a long time to heal and make things much worse. Get some professional advice and have a talk with your BF. BTW, IF he would leave you over something like this, then he's not the guy you think he is anyway.
Sorry Jackson, but your "theory" is wrong. When a woman has a baby, yes, there is usually a lot of pain, but NONE of that pain comes from the vagina being stretched. It comes from the cramping of the uterus, and possibly from the "opening" of the vagina, which can and often does tear in the process. In the old days, the doctor always did an episiotomy to avoid the tearing. My doc told me he'd rather stitch up a straight cut than a jagged tear.
Any pain that she's feeling is NOT from the vagina, but from the opening, and foreplay and lubrication should take care of that.
Dakine - Your points are well taken, but *my* point was merely that using the "babies come out, so certainly a penis can go in" analogy is probably not particularly helpful to a woman who finds intercourse painful.
In addition to the other ladies suggestions of being well lubricated with either plenty of foreplay and/or lubricant, I'd also suggest using a position that allows you to control his depth. If his penis is long and is bumping your cervix, that can be painful. My boyfriend is about average (6") and even he hits my cervix sometimes.
Some good positions are woman on top or side-by-side (aka spooning). The worst positions (i.e. the ones where he can get the deepest and potentially hit your cervix) are doggie style and missionary.
Hope that helps a little!
Have you talked to him about it? Men LOVE to know their penises are big. Communicate to him that since he's so well endowed, you need him to be slow and gentle for a while. And definitely use lube.
Also, the spoon position is a great one because he can not penetrate so deeply.