the big "O"

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-01-2005
the big "O"
5
Sun, 11-06-2005 - 7:04pm
Hi, im new to this board, and feel terrible for asking, but I have felt dreadful for a while now. My partner is gorgeous and sweet and i really love him, but he hasnt been making me climax much at all, and about a month ago and the whole time we were together before that I was climaxing everytime almost. He has been getting upset and angry at me, saying hurtful things that I dont find him attractive anymore, and he has suggested we stop having sex as much and only have sex once a week!!! I really love him, and the sex is still amazing, is there anything that will make me climax faster? I hate making him feel bad but he wont listen when I say its not him (and he still climaxes after the first 30mins or so, so he gets angrier when I say its me). I cant get in the mood for sex now that im worring I wont orgasm, because I am dreading he will feel bad, and I dont want that. He is a great guy and I come close and start every time but some how stop before climax its wierd, and im running out of ideas, we experiment regularly, so its not boring! HELP!
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2004
Sun, 11-06-2005 - 7:44pm

Your partner needs to learn more about the female body.


bounxh0a-1.gif picture by dillbyrd

Avatar for gigi_1000
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 11-06-2005 - 11:07pm

You should be worrying more about how a "great guy" would be getting upset and angry at you for not having an orgasm. I find his attitude completely selfish and self-serving. Where did that "sweetness" disappear when your orgasms are concerned.

As the others have said, he is not responsible for your orgasms, you are. I doubt that you will ever have orgasms with him as long as he keeps psychologically abusing you. No wonder you are feeling dreadful. He is causing your terrible feelings, NOT YOU. Good luck!!




Edited 11/7/2005 10:42 pm ET by gigi_1000
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-26-2005
Sun, 11-06-2005 - 11:58pm

He may be gorgeous, but sweet he's not. He's angry at you for not having orgasms? I have news for him......It's him that's causing the problem! He doesn't "give" you orgasms, I'm not sure if he thinks he does, or you think he does, either way it's wrong. He can't "give" them to you, but he sure can prevent them from happening, and that's what's probably going on. You're so worried about not making HIM feel bad that you're to tense and uptight to have them.

How about the fact that he's making YOU feel bad? Does that mean you think his feelings are more important than yours? If he had a clue about how a woman's body works, he would know that whether or not you have orgasms has NOTHING to do with him (as long as he's doing the right things to help you have them). There are women who have NEVER had an orgasm, but they still enjoy sex, and they are in happy loving relationships.

If he failed to reach climax, would you get mad at HIM? It does happen to men occasionally, too. Would you tell him that you don't want to have sex as often because of it? He needs to leave his ego at the bedroom door! He needs to understand that sex isn't about having orgasms.....it's about pleasure....and women can have pleasure with or without orgasms. They're the icing on the cake, but they're NOT the cake! If anyone should be mad, it's you. He's harassing you about it, to the point of "cutting back" on sex....and therein lies the problem.

If you want to have orgasms, forget about HIS feelings, and start relaxing......understanding that sometimes you have them, and sometimes you don't. If his ego can't handle it, he has a lot to learn about love and sex.

Avatar for katmandoo2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 11-07-2005 - 2:34pm
When you turn a loving, intimate act into a competition, then you've missed the point. Your BF has done that. He needs to allow YOU to enjoy sex YOUR way and stop worrying about HIS performance! His ego is ruining your sex life, not your inability to orgasm on command!
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-12-2002
Mon, 11-07-2005 - 10:18pm
what was it that first stopped you from being able to orgasm? Have you started using a different type of birth control? Birth control is well known for decreasing the sex drive for some women. Or maybe you've been under some stress? Or is it because your partner has been getting angry at you? You're partner needs to get over himself and realise that if he's getting angry at you and putting pressure on you to orgasm, it just won't happen.