In a bit of a predicament

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-25-2003
In a bit of a predicament
5
Wed, 05-23-2007 - 10:13am

I don't mean to post this on multiple boards, but I'm unsure for which this is most appropriate.

I am currently dating a man, and he is in remission for Leukemia. Because of this and the current cocktail of drugs he is having to take, he is unable to ejaculate inside me. I guess the drugs he is taking would not be good for me.

So, last night, he put on a condom and after about 5 minutes he just stopped and looked embarrassed. He said that with a condom it doesn't feel as good and he doesn't stay as excited and then he fixates and everything just goes away. I understood, kinda. This has never really happened to me before. We did have a discussion about our sexual history and testing and whether he needed to wear one, but this was when he told me about how he couldn't ejaculate in me because of his medications.

Half an hour later, he was excited again and this time he did not wear a condom. I had a great time and I think he did too, but he pulled out and didn't cum at all. He just kind of rolled over.

I don't quite know what to do. I want him to cum. Is there anyway for me to make it better for him with the condom on? Or do I tell him that he can cum on top of me? Also, do you think he is still having a good time even if he doesn't cum???

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-09-2007
Wed, 05-23-2007 - 11:45am

You can stimulate him with your hands and body.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2007
Wed, 05-23-2007 - 2:49pm

Welcome to the board toria5.

Is this also the first time the two of you had intercourse? It could be that he is nervous about everything -- having a new partner and a new condition.

Do you know if he has had sex with ejaculation since the onset and taking his meds? Or has he ejaculated through masturbation, oral, etc.?

Basically, the tips that Tangency gave you are very helpful. If this is all new to him, then it may just take time before he is use to the condom. While things do feel different, he can retrain himself -- it just might take time.

Also, if it is psychological (newness of relationship and/or condition), then being patient with him is important. If you are frustrated, try to stifle that; encourage him that you can do other things that are mutually satisfying to both of you; and allow him to satisfy you if he so chooses. By not putting pressure on him, you will be helping him. You can ask him if there is anything you can do to help him as well, but only if he is showing frustration first.



Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting




Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket


my partner in the siggy exchange





iVillage Member
Registered: 06-25-2003
Wed, 05-23-2007 - 5:37pm

I am unsure if he did have an orgasm. I've only been with him twice, and he doesn't make much sound. The first time we were together he wore a condom and he came, but he really didn't make much noise.

This second time though, and he was just not liking the condom. I think he is also self concious. I was going to try oral the next time we got together and see if that helps. I believe he is on this regimen for 13 more weeks. I want to make this good for both of us.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-09-2007
Wed, 05-23-2007 - 5:46pm
Why don't you just ask him then?
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-12-2006
Thu, 05-24-2007 - 9:51am

To answer your last question first.....if he wasn't enjoying it, he wouldn't be doing it! I've never heard of the situation where the "chemo" was passed thru the ejaculate, but then there are many things I've never heard of. If whatever it is can "harm" you in some way.....then you need to be sure to use a condom if you give him oral! If it can't enter your vagina, it's surely bad for your mouth (same type of tissue in both places!)

Thirteen weeks will pass more quickly than you think.......he's with you, therefore he's enjoying being with you.....and before you know it, the problem will be over!