biting

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-29-2006
biting
19
Sun, 01-29-2006 - 10:38pm
I have a very young male friend, and although we are sexually attracted to each other we cannot act on it because of our professional relationship (he is my student). The closest contact we have had has been to hug (no kissing, etc) with one exception....he bites me. When he goes out and gets drunk, he bites me on the arm. It used to be gentle (and I admitted to him that I liked it) but has evolved into hard biting leaving some nasty bruises. I have also seen him try to bite (but gentler) two other women when he was messed up. What is up with this kind of biting? Is it related to sex, and if so, why would he bite me so hard? He has also pinched me hard enough to leave bruises. Is all of this a substitution for sex????

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Avatar for katmandoo2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: shar70806
Wed, 02-01-2006 - 3:47pm

Well, I disagree with your opinion that these types of improper relationships between student & teacher are non-scandalous though. Ask any parent who sends their child off in good faith that they will receive an education and be protected, if they believe that.

If these relationships are discovered, they certainly ARE a concern for many and do not help the university's reputation in the community, etc. at all.

But I'm well aware that these types of relationships go on all the time, I'm a college grad, but if you're connected to the academic community, you're also aware that the majority of universities have rules in place to govern the fraternization between students and teachers for their own protection. There is a potential liability there for the university as well as the instructor.

In this case, this young man is her student at the moment. And a troubled one at that. If he wasn't, it would be more of a personal or moral decision for her/him to become involved against university policies. That's what I take issue with and why I feel that it's unethical.

Emotional and sexual entanglements make it VERY difficult to be objective when issuing a grade to a student you're sleeping with. And that could also come into question if the relationship is discovered.

This type of poor judgement on the part of an instructor should not be excused, brushed aside or ignored. It's setting a terrible example for those you're seeking to influence in positive way, IMHO!




Edited 2/1/2006 3:53 pm ET by katmandoo2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-24-2005
In reply to: shar70806
Wed, 02-01-2006 - 4:19pm

I never shy from a good debate, and I would be happy to debate you on this issue if that's what you'd like. However, out of respect to the original poster, please create a new message title where it won't be off topic? This one is about a specific social behavior, not whether a relationship is or is not proper.

Thanks,

E :)




Edited 2/1/2006 4:25 pm ET by mr_e_steubing
Avatar for katmandoo2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: shar70806
Wed, 02-01-2006 - 4:24pm

The biting is a lesser issue, IMO. She didn't have to give details of this relationship but she chose to. Why?

If she didn't want a "sermon" then why reveal the nature of it?

But when she did, it became part and parcel of the topic.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-24-2005
In reply to: shar70806
Wed, 02-01-2006 - 4:40pm

But biting is the issue (see message title, "biting").

If you have any questions about the motivations behind whatever other information the OP offered as background material, don't ask me, ask them--I have no idea.

You made a lot of interesting points. Again, if you'd like to debate the improprieties of intimate relationships between grad students and their instructors, I will be happy to do so in its own topic.

Best,

E

Avatar for katmandoo2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: shar70806
Wed, 02-01-2006 - 5:50pm

I don't have any desire to debate personal opinion with you though. We're all entitled to believe as we see fit and it doesn't matter if we agree or not. And, LTAS is an opinion board, not a debate board, as Tish has pointed out before.

I only responded to the OP, and to you, in order to address the points in your respective posts that were of concern to me personally and to defend my "sermon." lol.

And honestly, the young man's biting issue may just be a personal, sexual choice. Many people have oral fixations. Nothing unusual about that really. He may just have less control when he's "messed up" as she called it, and bite too hard. A good thump on the snout works with my cat, maybe it will work for him as well.




Edited 2/1/2006 5:52 pm ET by katmandoo2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-22-2004
In reply to: shar70806
Thu, 02-02-2006 - 8:22pm

Hey shar!

Glad some of the feedback has helped you some. I agree that childhood factors may be a culprit in his actions. Honestly though, some people just do different things that the rest of us aren't quite familiar with.

Some are into biting whereas others are rarely into touching at all. The uniquenesses really spand the spectrum.

Please feel free to post whatever you'd like. Too many different people to please them all, so don't feel uncomfortable one bit. See ya around.

 

C  H  A  R  A  C  T  E  R

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2001
In reply to: shar70806
Thu, 02-02-2006 - 9:14pm

>>What is up with this kind of biting? Is it related to sex, and if so, why would he bite me so hard?<<

Yep. I think that you've hit the nail on the head. It is more than likely a whole vaguely sexual thing for him with a bit of control and aggression thrown in. I doubt that he would really know why he does it but it's probably tied up in a bit of an agressive/sexual thing and will have started early in life for him. He gets drunk, looses his inhibitions and restraint and lets you have it with a good hard bite. When he's sober he can control himself enough to just nibble.

>>He has also pinched me hard enough to leave bruises.?<<
Same as the biting.

>>Is all of this a substitution for sex????<<
More like an expression of interest, something vaguely erotic for him like foreplay, and marking his territory and attempting to "subdue" his mate rather than substitution for intercourse. I suspect that the biting wouldn't stop if you had sex with him. He'd probably be chomping on various parts of your body and I suspect (I'm guessing) that he might be quite rough and agressive in the bedroom.

BTW, you say that you've avoided a sexual relationship with him but you go out drinking and obviously on a number of occasions you've let him hug, nibble and bite you. Why not sleep with him? Hugging and nibbling seems to be pretty close and intimate personal contact and if you are worried about maintaining a "professional relationship" then I think that you've already blown that. I know that my employees would be upset if my professional relationship with them involved hugging and nibbling them - even if it was at drinks after work.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-29-2006
In reply to: shar70806
Fri, 02-03-2006 - 12:58am
You have hit the proverbial nail on the head multiple times. I believe now that his behavior is a form of sexuality. Or, as "they" say.........freakish behavior. I am not worried as much about him biting me, but I have seen him do it to a total stranger (once) and come close to doing it to a co-worker. Why have I purposely avoided sex with him???? Because I have worked so hard to become a friend to him. Seems odd from your viewpoint, right? He is the only one I know that I want sex with right now, but I would not do it with him, period. I would probably never do it with him, even after graduation. He has too much to learn. Plus, I am basically content in just knowing that he is Ok and hanging out with him from time to time. Again, establishing trust and friendship is most important. I mean that.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-31-2003
In reply to: shar70806
Fri, 02-03-2006 - 9:35am

Please remember when someone posts a topic for discussion on LTAS that it is a personal issue to them and they are not posting a topic for debate.

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