Biting during sex?

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-16-2003
Biting during sex?
10
Thu, 04-06-2006 - 3:56pm

My man likes to bite me during sex. This is something all new for me. He has been teaching more sexual pleasures as our relationship has progressed, we are 1 yr now. But when he goes down on me he bites me and i want to feel the pleasure first, and then while im having an orgasm he will bite me and that does feel good for a moment then the pain sets in. he tells me that having pain while having an orgasm makes the pleasure more better i sometimes feel hella good then times i'm bleeding from the bites or end up with bruises. I have told him of my concerns but just wanted to know if its true. I haven't bit him yet but i will soon. He is bringing in toys into or bed and i have never had that before neither and i am over 30yrs old so this is all the first for me and he tells me after this he will get me to try a 3 some. That is one thing i will not do have another women in our bed that will create problems.

flores73

Avatar for katmandoo2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 04-06-2006 - 4:40pm

Okay, this is something that YOU need to get control of NOW. Sounds as if he's expecting YOU to fulfill all his fantasies and you don't seem to think that you have much say so in the matter.

IF he's drawing blood, causing bruising, and pain during oral sex, then he's forcing HIS ideas of pleasure on you and that's not good.

At NO time should you experience physical damage, pain and bleeding during sex! Even in mutual S & M scenarios, it's an agreed upon act. This doesn't seem to be the case with you two.

If you don't speak your mind now, and set some personal boundaries, you may just find yourself visiting the emergency room and having to explain how you got those strange injuries.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-24-2005
Thu, 04-06-2006 - 8:17pm

>>while im having an orgasm he will bite me and that does feel good for a moment then the pain sets in. he tells me that having pain while having an orgasm makes the pleasure more better i sometimes feel hella good then times i'm bleeding from the bites or end up with bruises. I have told him of my concerns but just wanted to know if its true.


Do you like the pain. It certainly doesn't sound like it from your post. If he's doing something to you that you don't enjoy, you can tell him to stop. Just because having pain during an orgasm makes the pleasure better for him, does not mean it makes it better for you. Everyone reacts differently, sometimes even to the same things.


What is it specifically, that you wanted to know was true?

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2001
Fri, 04-07-2006 - 1:11am

Well, I'm all for trying something once and if you like it, you can do it again. In your case, it seems that you have tried this biting thing and you don't really like it. You sound unsure but I guess that's because you've got your b/f telling you that the pain is meant to feel good. Well, a few people do enjoy it. But it sounds like you are like the rest of us - we don't like it. Bear in mind that what your b/f is doing to you sounds very very different from a much more common little loving nibble or playful nip here and there that couples often give one another.

Simple answer? If you don't like it tell him, "Thank you, that was interesting and I can appreciate that you might like it but I don't like it. Please stop doing it."

As for the threesome? That makes me feel that he is trying to push his fantasies onto you. You don't want it but he insists that a threesome with another woman would be great. It's his idea, and something that only he wants. He didn't suggest a threesome with another man, did he?

I think that you need to regain some control here and take back some ownership of what goes on in the your bedroom and your relationship. It sounds like he is in the driver's seat and doesn't want to hear what you want.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-26-2005
Fri, 04-07-2006 - 1:16am

This is YOUR life, and YOUR body, and why are you allowing him to injure you, cause you pain and bleeding, and saying NOTHING? He says it's good.....that's fine for him but for you it is NOT good, and you need to start saying what YOU want, instead of letting him force you to do what he wants.

You say he's going to bring another woman in the bed with you? You had better tell him RIGHT now that you have no interest in that, and you refuse to do it.

All in all, I think this man has too much influence over you, and is causing you to do things that you don't WANT to do. Either learn to say NO and mean it, or maybe you should look for a boyfriend that has sexual tastes more similar to yours.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-21-2006
Fri, 04-07-2006 - 5:13am
I love DH to nibble gently on my nipples and occasionally he will VERY gently hold my clitoris between his teeth - I repeat, VERY gently, tickles more than anything but it feels great.
I just think that what you are experiencing is a little rough and if you don't like it you should say so - right now!
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-16-2003
Fri, 04-07-2006 - 11:54am

Well last night we had sex, and yes he bit me again. This time i did tell him to stop biting me so hard and just nibble on me lightly. I told him i am very sensitive and need to be caressed. As for the 3 some part he knows i'm serious about that. He has done it already in the past and loves it, but it also ruined his past relationship. So i just remind him that its good to fantasize about it but i will never do it. I have game for anything else but that. I already made it very clear that another women touching him or I will set me off and someone will get hurt. I don't play, i'm not gay or bisexual and i have made it very clear that all i need is 1 man in my bed and we can do everything to his and my desires. He has agreed to this but just likes to tease me cause i get so defensive about stuff like that. I know people who have done it and it ruined their relationships. Somtimes its hard talking to him cause he is a man and only wants to talk when he is ready to talk, as for me i want to talk allday long about everything.

Thank you for some insight, but i just wanted to know if the biting thing was something that people do. Like i said this is all new to me, he has showed me stuff not even my ex has done to me and he is older then my man.

Flores73

Avatar for ukgirl82
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-17-2005
Fri, 04-07-2006 - 1:00pm

"Thank you for some insight, but i just wanted to know if the biting thing was something that people do. Like i said this is all new to me, he has showed me stuff not even my ex has done to me and he is older then my man."

I think the point everyone was trying to make is that it IS something people do IF they enjoy it but clearly, you don't so I'm glad you spoke up to him about it. But you shouldn't really be thinking about what other people do in bed... if you want to try something new and you wind up enjoying it than that's the only thing that matters. If you don't enjoy it, I can assure you that there are other people out there who do enjoy it so your man is not weird. Considering all the crazy sexual acts that some people enjoy, I'll bet there nothing that you can do sexually that no one else in the world enjoys, there will always be others.

It sounds like he wanted to do it because he finds the pleasure in pain and wanted you to experience how great he thinks it is too... thats a good thing really because even though he's a bit thick for assuming you'll like everything he does, it's not like he was doing it because he liked causing or forcing pain on you.

It also sounds a bit like you were letting him bite you so hard because you thought that since he's more experienced then you, he knows better then you would about what should feel good? Well, no matter what kind of sexual acts he's experienced in the past, it doesn't necessarily make him a good lover so don't let his past intimidate you. A good lover is attentive to what his current partner likes, not simply what he likes or what his past partners have liked.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-26-2005
Fri, 04-07-2006 - 1:10pm

It really doesn't make any difference if it's "something that people do"? It's not something YOU want to do.

With the millions of people in this world, there are LOTS of strange and weird things that people do, and if they like doing it, good for them. That doesn't mean that everyone has to do whatever it is.

Biting to the point of drawing blood is NOT something that most people are willing to do. It borders on perversity as far as I'm concerned. There are lots of things that people that are into bd/sm.....but that's not what most people enjoy.

As long as he respects your boundaries, fine. But it sounds like he's going to push you continually. I wouldn't stay in a relationship like that. If I say no ONCE, that means forever, and I don't want to hear it again! It doesn't sound like he's used to being told NO, and it sounds as though he didn't learn from his last relationship at all.

Avatar for katmandoo2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 04-07-2006 - 6:05pm
All you need to do is stand behind your words, with the biting and anything else that crosses your boundaries. If you don't, then it will only be a matter of time before he's talked you into a threesome, perhaps using the old "if you love me, you will" line. He needs to know that no actually means NO.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-24-2005
Fri, 04-07-2006 - 9:20pm

Flores,


I'm glad you seem to have gained some footing on this matter and will stand up for your own needs in the future.


As to his setting off your defenses intentionally because he knows how to get your goat, that is simply immature, inconsiderate