BJ Situation

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-25-2003
BJ Situation
4
Fri, 06-08-2007 - 4:57pm

I know, I've been asking a lot of questions lately. I really like this guy, and I'm trying to make sure I don't mess up.

So, I have written in before and stated that we had some slight issues because of his being in remission for leukemia. Taking some advice from here, I thought I would discuss with him his thoughts on whether I could give him a blow job. I said it nicer then that though.

His response was a bit weird for me. He said straight out he has only cum from a BJ one time in his life when he was 16. It just isn't his thing. He said he probably would only enjoy it if I was the best BJ giver out there.

Well, to be honest, I don't really think I am, but I do like to do it. I do like to make men happy. And usually, most guys I've dated, have pretty much been all for the BJ.

So, trying to interpret his response, I'm guessing he doesn't really want one, and I should just leave it alone? But I do want to touch him!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-12-2006
In reply to: toria5
Fri, 06-08-2007 - 11:30pm

You said you can't have intercourse with him because of the chemo. If that's the case, then I'm sure you shouldn't have that in your mouth, either! I've never heard of the prohibition of sex because of chemo, but we learn something new every day!

I don't think you should be doing it, but you also might want to inform your b/f, whenever you get the go-ahead......that for a guy to enjoy oral sex, he doesn't HAVE to finish from it.....it feels good anyway. And if he can't finish, then he can finish himself, or you can do it for him. And, if he's only had it happen once, how would he know if you were the best fellatist anyway?

I'm wondering if this guy is just not that into sex, and the chemo story is even true! I can't see how anything in his system can harm you if he uses a condom! It doesn't touch you with a condom!

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-22-2007
In reply to: toria5
Fri, 06-08-2007 - 11:51pm
Hey, I wanted to give you my opinion on what I think could be going on in his head. He has said before that he can't have sex with you because of the chemicals (from chemo) in his semen? It seems that a condom would cover that problem, but he may still be weak from chemo. I dont know anything about his situation, but he may not have had any sexual experiences in a while (since he got diagnosed with leukemia?)and/or the chemo affected his libido and he just is not interested in sex/BJs. If I were you, I'd discuss with him that you are really into giving BJs and don't care if he finishes or not, you just want him to enjoy himself. Keep in mind he may not want his penis in your mouth for whatever reason he has. If he feels this way, offer to give him a hand job with lube or spice it up with the warming lube. I think KY makes some... he might enjoy that! Just be honest with him and keep in mind that the chemo/leukema might have affected his libido. Oh, I almost forgot... he might not want you to give him a BJ because he doesn't want to have to do the same for you. Or he may feel awkward about how his semen tastes, just reassure him that none of these things bother you (if that's the truth) Good luck!!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-19-2006
In reply to: toria5
Sat, 06-09-2007 - 3:16am
Hi, I haven't read any of your previous threads about your situation with this man, so I'm just basing this on what I have read in this thread.

My feeling is that the leukemia and the treatments for it are probably affecting him emotionally in ways that touch many aspects of his life, including how he feels about sex and being touched. He may not feel like being touched at all, since he has had some treatments that are quite hard on him.

If you want to actually touch him because you enjoy touching him, have you offered to give him massages or back rubs? Another possibility is for you to use flavoured condoms, more agreeable for you, and just to give him some stimulation and pleasure, without necessarily having the idea of him come. It might get him used to being taken in your mouth, and give him a liking for it.

Or I may be completely wrong about all of this, since as I said I haven't read all details of your situation. Good luck, anyway.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-25-2003
In reply to: toria5
Mon, 06-11-2007 - 11:49am

Hey guys -

Thanks for the responses. I have done some research. He says he has cytotoxicity. I think that he really is just worried about me and the side affects of it on me. Maybe he is being too careful, but I would rather have him be that way then not.

I do admit, his sex drive in general is not as high as others. I believe he gets run down very fast and I think he fears his performance.

I do touch him. Often. And I think he appreciates that. I just don't touch him down there and we were discussing it. I think again he has performance anxiety and maybe just a slight issue with his size??

I'm really just going to go with the flow on this one. I will tell him that I just want to touch him and if he is uncomfortable with it, I won't. No BJs until he is all clean.

Thanks