Blindfold him?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-21-2004
Blindfold him?
17
Wed, 11-24-2004 - 10:57pm

Okay this may sound strange to you guys but I was thinking. I want to go down on my bf but I'm kind of shy to. I don't know why but thinking about him watching me do it creeps my out for some reason. I'd be more confident if he wasn't watching. So I was thinking...what if I blindfold him and go down on him?

Does that seem weird?

The only thing is what happens if he takes it off..lol ...I don't wanna get pissed at him but I really don't feel comfortable with him watching...I'd get shy :o( lol

What do you guys think

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2001
In reply to: poptart_19
Sun, 11-28-2004 - 3:16pm

>>I don't think it's that many people think it's a bad idea to blindfold him, there are a lot of people who blindfold their partners to add excitement, something different, etc. to their sex life. The OP wants to blindfold her b/f because of her inhibitions. <<

I would agree totally with tish's last post. There is nothing wrong with a game where you blindfold him for a bit of fun and variety but blindfolding him because you have inhibitions about him watching you is not going to solve anything.

I think that the OP needs to work at becoming more confident in bed and shed some of her inhibitions about sex instead of literally 'masking' the problems with a blindfold. I'm not sure how we can help her do that because it is something very personal that she has to overcome herself.

To the OP: I think that you have to examine the reasons why you feel that need to use oral sex as a 'control' thing. I don't think that you should be looking at any sexual act as a way to control someone-else.

You may have read some things about guys that demand oral sex or go looking for it elsewhere but surely if you read most of the posts here you will realise that most of us here agree that sex should be something that both partners enjoy and share equally without any control issues involved. Sure, there ARE guys that will look for oral sex elsewhere if they are not getting it at home - but these guys are in the minority and aren't very nice guys either. I don't think that any of us would approve of a guy that says he had to go elsewhere for oral sex. What kind of a loving relationship is that?!!!!

You also say that you would feel better if your b/f would go halfway. I think that letting you give him oral sex is about as halfway as he can go. Oral sex is very intimate and becoming comfortable enough to let someone give it to you is his way of going halfway. He has exactly the same issues as you about this. He probably feels self-concious letting you give him oral and having YOU watch HIM as he lies there moaning and groaning and making funny faces from the pleasure! Have you thought of that before? When you are giving him oral sex, you ARE the one that is in control already. You don't have to play any games.

Most guys find a woman that is confident and relaxed with her body image in bed to be very sexy. A girl that seems to be embarrassed or self-concious can be very off-putting and distracting in bed. If you are worried about what you look like, don't be. You b/f loves you and is with you because he likes what you look like. In fact us guys LOVE being able to watch our women in bed and love being able to look at your body. We're not perfect either and are self-concious about our bodies too. Warts and all, he is with you because he thinks that you and your body are great. Try not to be self-concious about yourself.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-21-2004
In reply to: poptart_19
Sun, 11-28-2004 - 7:59pm

Well thanks guys but I'm not sure where you're losing me on this one.

I said I read stuff about how how guys leave their women if they don't give them oral but as I said..I KNOW HE'S NOT LIKE THAT, THAT'S NOT WHAT I'M CONCERNED ABOUT.

I want to do it but I'm not confident in giving it to him. I know the basic idea but I mean...there's ways to do it. You don't just sit there and suck..there's more to it than that if you want to give the guy really good head. Do you know what I'm saying? I never said I was self-concious about my body. He's seem me naked in the weirdest positions, wet, dry, tired, excited etc. I don't care about the way I look, that has nothing to do with why I'm shy about giving him oral.

The "control thing" is the only idea that I have because I really don't know why I'm shy about it. Yes my idea of blindfolding him is a way of masking the problem but I know that I get confortable in situations when they're kind of forced upon me. He's not forcing me so I want to force myself to just do it. I want to please him obviously the feeling is mutual so that's what I wanted to do to get myself going instead of complaining that I don't know why I won't do it.

I donno. Anyone have experience in wanting to give oral sex but not being able to? How'd YOU get over it?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2004
In reply to: poptart_19
Sun, 11-28-2004 - 8:33pm

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bounxh0a-1.gif picture by dillbyrd

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2001
In reply to: poptart_19
Sun, 11-28-2004 - 11:33pm

Well, OK. We've certainly gone off on a tangent then...

Do you want tips on how to give a good BJ so that you don't feel so self-concious while you are down there trying to figure out what to do?

If so, as tish said, there isn't any one thing that we can tell you that will blow his mind and make you seem like an expert from the word go. It sounds like you have about as good an idea as anyone does when they start. You suck his penis, stroke it with your fingers and with your closed fist around it and use lots of saliva so that it's really slippery. Combine the sucking and closed fist into a coordinated up and down bobbing motion and you've got the basic moves figured out. Everything else is just variations and little things that he or you enjoy doing. But you already knew that by the sounds of it.

I think that you're just going to have to bite the bullet, put on a small lamp so that there is only low light in the room, and go for it. As you are doing it, look at him and ask him if what you are doing feels good. Ask him what you can do to make it better. He'll be able to guide you as to how much pressure to use and where and how to stroke and suck him to make it feel the best.

As I said, there's no way that we can turn you into an experienced fellatist with a few lines of advice.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-26-2004
In reply to: poptart_19
Mon, 11-29-2004 - 3:49pm
I think he'd be thrilled to be blindfolded until you get over your performance anxiety. You're not a machine, without feelings. These are your feelings, and it's best to take it at your own pace. You don't need to prove anything to anyone, you got that? His visual excitement can take a temporary back step until you gradually build your confidence. You're no porn star, and you don't have to act like one. Explain to him that your self-conscious, and you know that it's probably silly, but that's just the way you feel. You know what? If he's never been blindfolded, he's probably going to experience something he's never done before. The sensations are so much greater(which is why many people close their eyes during sex to concentrate). He'll *activate* another realm to his brain. He'll get over it. There's no rush to sex. Take your time in ANYTHING THAT YOU FEEL YOU NEED TO. You're not a performer, and sex isn't about performance. Be open with him and tell him how you feel. It's not the end of the world that you're a little apprehensive and have performance anxiety. Take the pressure off of yourself and enjoy sex to it's fullest.
Imagination is more important than knowledge." (Albert Einstein )
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-21-2004
In reply to: poptart_19
Mon, 11-29-2004 - 8:21pm

I know this is kind of a waste of a post but...

Thanks!!!!! :o)

I'm kind of excited to do it now ahaha.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-26-2004
In reply to: poptart_19
Mon, 11-29-2004 - 9:23pm
Nothing in life is a waste. When I post on these boards, I am not only responding to the OP, but to anyone reading. Someone out there can probably relate to the exact feelings you posted and is reading all of the responses. So by seeking help, you've helped others. Pat yourself on the back. Have fun!
Imagination is more important than knowledge." (Albert Einstein )

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