blow job vs. hand job

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2005
blow job vs. hand job
4
Tue, 09-13-2005 - 6:32pm
My boyfriend loves when I give him blow jobs and says he likes them even better than hand jobs (we are not having sex), but he can never cum when I give him a blow job. Usually I either have to finish off with a handjob or he goes soft while I'm still giving a blow job. I don't understand why this is happening since he loves them a lot and says they feel better than handjobs. I think maybe he can only get off with the hard pressure of a handjob. Is there anything I can do to make my blow jobs have a harder pressure too? I start to feel bad, like I'm not doing good enough, when he loses his erection in the middle of a blow job. And even when this happenes he says it was really good. I need help!
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2001
Tue, 09-13-2005 - 6:54pm

OK, first of all, don't feel bad. He told you that he enjoys them so believe him.

Some guys have trouble cumming with a BJ - I'm one of them so I know what he means. They feel great, much better than a HJ, but like you've guessed, there just isn't the firm and very specific stimulation that you get from your hand to push you that little bit further so that you go over the edge and orgasm. So, yeah, it feels awesome but there isn't that firm pressure of a hand.

There are other reasons too. He may not be sure whether or not he can cum in your mouth. He may feel a little self-concious cumming in your mouth (which is different from whether he's allowed to or not). He might be worried that he won't feel like sex afterwards and won't be able to return the favour. He might think that you expect him to cum and he'll feel under pressure and ironically the pressure to cum only makes it harder to let go and cum! Lotsa reasons, none of which are really your problem. He needs to sort them out for himself.

As for going soft during a BJ? He's probably thinking too hard about all these possible reasons and kinda turns himself off. And the last reason about feeling under pressure is almost certainly the cause of that.

What to do? Don't worry about it. He's said that he enjoys it. So just keep doing it and don't worry about anything that happens. If he goes soft, he goes soft. If he stays hard, he stays hard. If he can't cum, just tell him that you're getting worn out, slow down, give it a kiss and either tuck it back in his pants, give him that HJ to finish him off or move onto somethingelse. No big deal.

Oh, BTW, you do use your hands during a BJ, don't you? A good BJ a combination of what you do during a HJ and what you can do with your mouth too. Especially when he's getting close to cumming, a good HJ while you suck and lick the tip is awesome and might do the trick for him.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-06-2004
Tue, 09-13-2005 - 7:13pm

I've never given my husband a handjob... why you ask? Because he doesnt like them at all. He cums every time I give him a blowjob.

as far as added pressure during a blowjob. Working on how deep you can take his penis in your mouth is a good start. The deeper you can get it the more pressure he will feel and pleasure as well. My husband likes when I lick and suck on the tip but thats just teasing and playful to him and wont make him cum, long deep strokes do.

using your hand at the base to add the feeling of depth is good too. I sometimes squirt a little Cloraseptic sore throat spray in my throat before I give a blowjob - it numbs the back of my throat a little making it easier to take his penis in all the way.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-21-2005
Wed, 09-14-2005 - 12:47pm

As much as I love being pleased orally, I can respond sometimes like the first posters man. Oral sex is a very light touch, and sometimes my penis is more or less sensitive to this touch than others.

The very best BJ, in my opinion, is when I have been stimulated almost exclusively around the head, so much so that it is both wonderfully sensitive, and yet nearly unbearably tickilish. The problem is this is nearly the same sensitivity which can cause me to ejaculate almost immediately when entering a womans vagina, so my natural tendancy is to avoid or restrain myself from climaxing, which gets me past the ultra sensitivity, and can proceed so far that I actually cant get enough stimulation orally to orgasm, or even lose my erection, not from lack of interest, but from either prolongued near orgasm sensitivity, or a little disappointment that once again I delayed and missed a wonderful BJ orgasm because no matter how much I love it, I want my tool to be usable to please my lady, and I am no longer so young as to be confident a second will be available anytime soon..

One last thought, during intercourse, or even a handjob, a man can play a pretty active role in setting the pace. But during oral sex, that same movement can very well cause your lady to be choked and gagged, so a man has less control over the tempo and action and doing his part to build up to a good orgasm. Its important, because our pitiful 4 or 5 spurts are over quickly, and maybe all we get. Hell, I often get far more real joy and pleasure from being a part of my wifes orgasms. So with all that masturbation practice we have, being able to control some of the action can be, not always, but can be important. And during a BJ I seem to have very little control without risking an angry end to the whole game by unwitingly setting a pace and thrust thats choiking, gaging and suffocating the woman that loves me enough to do this wonderfully erotic act...

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-08-2004
Wed, 09-14-2005 - 4:24pm
I have been giving my DH a BJ before and had him go soft.
He absolutely LOVES Bjs tho. He explained that, at that particular
time it felt so good, and he got SO relaxed that it started having
the same effect on him as when I give him a really amazing massage.
It starts off sexual, but then becomes so relaxing he just melts
*hehe* and so did his erection in a way. I did not take it personally
I guess he just moved right past climax straight to what I call
"the warm n fuzzys"

baby