Body image vs. libido

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-29-2007
Body image vs. libido
16
Fri, 06-29-2007 - 3:47pm

Hey Everyone,

Today for the first time in many weeks I am finally feeling amorous! I am sure it has to do with a dream I had this morning, but anyway, my question is for anyone who cares to respond. I feel like my libido has been in the toilet as of late. I think part of it is stress at work, part of it is really not being happy with my body!

My BF of 10 years doesn't understand how I could not like my body and that could bother me when he says he is totally hot for me and is upset I don't want to be intimate.

Does anyone else ever experience this total lack of interest? I'm 27 years old. He and I used to make love multiple times a day, take long lunches at work, etc. Now we make love maybe once a month. I will "take care of myself" on occasion.

Pages

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-12-2006
Fri, 06-29-2007 - 4:09pm

There's certainly nothing wrong with your "libido" if you're having hot dreams about Tony Soprano! It could possibly be your body image that's turning off your conscious thoughts, but you can't turn off the subconscious.....that's where the dreams come from.

You've been with this guy since you were 17.....pretty young, and certainly not old enough to know what you want in a man......but here you are 10 years later......and he's just a boyfriend? Maybe you're bored with the whole relationship....or maybe subconsciously wondering if and when the "relationship" will ever progress to possible marriage and a family?

Something here isn't adding up. He's telling you how "hot" you are, but only once a month sex, and he's upset about that (as any normal man would be!).....you're "turning him off" for some reason. It's more than "body image"....but what is it? I think you and he need to get some communication going......because there's something wrong in the relationship. He's not happy, you're not happy. Start talking!

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-29-2007
Fri, 06-29-2007 - 4:16pm

Hey Sakura,

Thanks for the feedback. I guess BF isn't a strong enough term. Normally I refer to him as my SO. In terms of the 10 year thing---we do live together. I have been the holdup because I wanted to have all of my college debt and credit cards paid off prior to getting married. We are actually talking about tying the knot next August in Bermuda, and yes, he already has a ring for me. The "engagement" was going to come to celebrate my being debt free (which bothered me more than him), and I should be paid off by October(hooray). I know it sounds nuts, but that is what we are waiting for...it's definitely not anything deeper than that.

Should I be embarassed that right now I am watching All the Kings Men with...you guessed it...James Gandolfini---I can't get him out of my head! Hahaha. My BF looks a lot like him, so he's a major turn on, that's for sure.

I guess I am trying to figure out what my issue is. Basically I just feel so fat and icky and almost like "why would someone want this?!?!" He feels I am beautiful and sexy and constantly tries to remind me about how wonderful he thinks I am. I still don't by it, and he gets offended that him thinking I am wonderful isn't enough. It sounds so silly as I write it and read it, but it's just the way I feel.

This all combined with being in a job I hate with a boss that's a lunatic which makes for me to be totally cranky and spent when I get home. I've been on vacation the past few days, maybe that is what has helped me feel less stressed and more into being intimate.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2001
Fri, 06-29-2007 - 6:19pm

What do you do for physical exercise?

Sucky jobs, financial stress, relationship stress (via the whole engagement/debt pressure situation) and stuff can suck the life out of you. However a bit of physical exercise can work wonders. Doesn't have to be much, just enough to get the blood pumping once or twice a week.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-15-2006
Fri, 06-29-2007 - 7:10pm
Oh yes!! I am 46 and take good care of myself, exercise and eat well. Even after having 2 children, I got back in my prepregnancy clothes quickly (and I still pretty much wear the same size 17 years after my first child was born.) I know people may say, oh LUCKY girl, well maybe but my body image was that of a scrawny boy. You see I never really had much breast tissue, even when pregnant or nursing. I never felt sexy in my own body. In my fantasies I had breasts. Last year I finally decided to get modest breast implants, just to give me SOMETHING> THAT has made a huge difference in my confidence and my sexuality, and my libido!!
Just ask my dh. Since then, we have gone from having sex 2 or so times a month to having sex at least once and often twice a day. That was almost 10 months ago and we are still going strong! DH loved me when my breasts were nonexistant but I did the surgery for ME. It was definatly the best thing I ever did for myself!



click here to
Design Your Own Se
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-29-2007
Fri, 06-29-2007 - 7:39pm

I do go to the gym two times a week and then the BF and I do a super long walk over the weekend and visit some of the animals we sponsor at the Humane Society and have that as our "outdoor exercise" day for the week.

The past three weeks both of us have been INSANE with a crazy work schedule and life schedule, so we have only made it to the gym 1 time (in three weeks). I guess you are right---it might be time to get the old blood pumping back up again...I always feel better.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2007
Fri, 06-29-2007 - 9:30pm

"I guess I am trying to figure out what my issue is. Basically I just feel so fat and icky and almost like "why would someone want this?!?!" He feels I am beautiful and sexy and constantly tries to remind me about how wonderful he thinks I am. I still don't by it, and he gets offended that him thinking I am wonderful isn't enough. It sounds so silly as I write it and read it, but it's just the way I feel."

I have fairly strong self-confidence, but I don't take compliments well. At least not compliments about my physical self. DH and I recently made a pact that I had to accept his compliments, regardless. I can think whatever I want in my head, but i'm not sharing it with him. The reason -- it hurt his feelings when I would poo-poo his compliments away. I still have to think about it before I "don't" say anything negative back to him, but I can also tell it's changing an aspect of our relationship. It is making me have more belief in what he is saying. It's about how he feels about me, not about how I feel about myself. In turn, it makes me feel better about myself to know someone thinks of me that way, KWIM?



Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket


Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket





my partner in the siggy exchange






iVillage Member
Registered: 06-29-2007
Fri, 06-29-2007 - 9:30pm

OK, so I know today was my first day posting, so my dilemna seems fresh and short lived. For about a year now I have been major problems with the way I feel about myself, not to mention dealing with a very non-ideal work situation that leads me to bring home my stress and be a cranky b**ch!

So, tonight my BF got home from work late. I took a shower, shaved, painted my toe nails and just made myself look "pretty" and stayed in just my bathrobe...well, he was turned on, and I was, too! We just made love and it was terrific! Honestly, it's one of the first times in a LONG time that I wasn't laying there thinking about how fat I am!

Maybe being able to just talk about it helped, I don't know. Not to say I am cured by any means, but it was nice.

I <3 Let's Talk about Sex already!! :-)

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-28-2006
Fri, 06-29-2007 - 9:33pm
Congratulations!

Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-29-2007
Fri, 06-29-2007 - 9:35pm

Thank you! It actually is a really nice feeling!! I was just totally focused on us, not all the other crap. I guess everyone here does have some valid points I need to start thinking about...starting with increasing the exercise and learning to full appreciate the compliments and accept them!

We'll see how I keep this up!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2007
Fri, 06-29-2007 - 9:36pm
It's great to hear that you have already come to love the board! It's even better to hear you and your guy connected tonight!


Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket


Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket





my partner in the siggy exchange






Pages