Borderline asexual....

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Borderline asexual....
3
Wed, 09-19-2007 - 12:10am

Is it normal for a 37 year old woman to practically be asexual? By that I mean sex drive - I swear I might masturbate maybe 3 times a year, and these times I am often under stress.

Even in my 20's I probably masturbated maybe 2-3 times a month, if that. I rarely ever think about anything sexual these days. The only times in my life when I've had a raging (at least to me) drive is when I was smitten with a man. Then I'd think about it a lot.

But, in the times when I'm not so smitten I feel like a spayed dog, like I've got no functioning gonads at all.....BTW I have had my hormone levels checked at least twice in the past couple years (for other issues) and my doc didn't think anything was out of the ordinary. Apparently my levels are within the normal range.

Also, most of my life I have NOT been on antidepressants and/or BC pills, and since I've been on those things, what trace of a drive I did have has only marginally been lessened (my antidepressant is the kind that doesn't impact sex drive, so they say, its not an SSRI - when I was on those I had NO drive). All the BC pills do is stabilize me, I don't have highs and lows like before - switching between weak drive and no drive.

Also, I talk to quite a few other people, both men and women, who, like me, don't have a partner, and they are as randy as heck! Some of them seem ready to hump anything in sight! And here's me, I can't think of the last time I even had a sexual fantasy about having sex with a man (I'm hetero, BTW, at least when I have any libido at all).

How common is it for adults to have such a naturally minimal sex drive? I feel like an oddity among people my age, and still my doctor says nothing is amiss. I feel like I'd like to find a partner, but having virtually no drive gives me little incentive to go looking. A spayed dog won't go about trying to attract a male, that's for sure. It's like knowing you should eat but you have no appetite.....

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-12-2006
Wed, 09-19-2007 - 1:34am

You aren't "other people".

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2007
Wed, 09-19-2007 - 7:18am

Welcome to the board schrecken.

Your libido is not only driven by hormones, but also by your brain. Perhaps those other people you talked to did have a higher sex drive than you, perhaps they have a higher enjoyment of sex than you, but that doesn't make them more "normal" than you. People vary in their likes and dislikes as well as their outlook. Many people in happy relationships don't have sex very often either.

As Sakura said, you equate sex with a relationship. Since you're not in a relationship, you're not thinking about it. I don't consider it unhealthy to put sex on the back burner until you are in a situation where it would be available to you. In more ways, it shows you have a healthy outlook and you are comfortable with your life. I think at least some of those people who are "ready to hump anything in sight" are also feeling sorry for themselves. They focus on their unhappiness, the lack of a relationship, and the lack of sex. They probably also feel sorry for themselves when they don't have a dinner partner, or a date to go to the movies with. They are in essence, lonely.

I'm a very high libido person. I could understand feeling very sorry for myself if I didn't have a sexual partner right now in life. I would definitely be masturbating more frequently, but that's because of my own libido. Even with a partner, having sex on average 4 times a week, I still masturbate a couple of times a week. There have also been times in my life when my libido wasn't as high. When I was younger and between relationships, I didn't feel restless with my lack of sex life. I know that for myself, there are lots of things that I can occupy myself with. If sex wasn't on the menu, I didn't obsess over it.










iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Thu, 09-20-2007 - 12:00am

Well, that's good to know. It seems like sex is everywhere today and people think that everyone's doing it, and if they're not, they are at least thinking about it. At least I think there's hope that I might find someone to fall for one of these days.

Thanks for the replies.