boyfriend doesn't want......
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boyfriend doesn't want......
| Thu, 06-17-2004 - 2:00pm |
I'm 20 years old dating a wonderful 23 year old guy. We have been together for over 6 months and we have been happy the entire time.
My problem is that my boyfriend never seems interested in sex. Not only am I the one who normally initiates, but I often get turned down. He says he would rather just lie down with me.
I know that I am an attractive woman and I know that I do have the ability to turn him on. Although the rejection does make me feel terrible.
One possible reason is that he is going through an incredibly stressful time right now due to work and often works 6 days a week. He is always exhausted.
We have discussed this many times and I have explained that this bothers me, but the problem is always there.
What can I do?
My problem is that my boyfriend never seems interested in sex. Not only am I the one who normally initiates, but I often get turned down. He says he would rather just lie down with me.
I know that I am an attractive woman and I know that I do have the ability to turn him on. Although the rejection does make me feel terrible.
One possible reason is that he is going through an incredibly stressful time right now due to work and often works 6 days a week. He is always exhausted.
We have discussed this many times and I have explained that this bothers me, but the problem is always there.
What can I do?

best to you!
honey
I think you need to discuss this with him, explain that this neglect will eventually lead
to resentment on your part and that leads to anger. Ask him to get a checkup if he hasn't had one in a while.
You might also want to start scheduling sex for the time being. No, that's not as sexy as spontaneity but sometimes, it helps to know when you can expect sex and plan ahead. Ask him to find time for you 1-2 times a week. If he cares for you, then he needs to make time to show you. And together, if each of you is willing to give a little, you'll work it out. Just be realistic and compassionate in your requests and approach.
You need to make HIM talk....forget that you're not happy, try to find out WHY he's not interested in sex. Maybe he needs to see a doctor and have a check up. Maybe he's depressed. He needs to understand that sex is an important part of a relationship, and without it, the relationship isn't going to last. If he wants it to last HE has to make some changes.
You've gotten good advice here. It is unusual for a 23 year old man to not want sex. My gut instinct tells me though that his problem has nothing to do with you. As some have said depression can have a really detrimental effect on sex drive. Someone mentioned that sex is a great stress reliever. I would have to agree that for many of us it is (myself included), however, for some sex takes energy, energy that can be extremely depleted due to job stress, depression etc. I think it's best to not make a sweeping generalization about people; because BOB works long hours and still wants sex, then Steve who also works long hours should want sex too. People are all different and need different things in order to completely release their sexuality. So treat your bf like an individual and find out what he needs in order to be more sexual.
Good luck.
Scott.